How to understand what you want from life? 6 steps to confidence

"I do not know what I want" - a fairly common problem among people who seek help from psychologists.

This is not surprising: a lack of understanding of one’s own desires and needs is a direct path to wrong actions in life.

Consequently, to failure, disappointment and depression. In this article we will analyze the psychological portrait of a person who does not know what he wants. And, also, we will answer the question why this happened. And how to help yourself and your loved ones understand their true desires.

Free yourself from boundaries and follow your desires

This is perhaps the most difficult way to figure out what to do in life. As practice shows, not every person can do this.

And here there is no need to try to be ironic and ask the question: “What if I don’t want to do anything at all?” This is about something else. About the fact that you can turn an attractive field of activity into a source of income.

This is about business. This is an option for strong people. For those who will not look for excuses like these: “But I don’t have start-up capital or connections!”

Hundreds of entrepreneurs have already proven that the main thing is to have an idea and desire. So that you don't want anything else. So that it is like air. And then a person can do everything. Including freeing yourself from the framework and following your desire - doing what you love, which brings pleasure, and enjoying a prosperous life.

But what the business will be like is an individual question. Again, as practice shows, any idea “processed” by the sharp and strategic mind of an enterprising person can become profitable.

Why do you do what you do?

As a rule, our past shapes our present. What you went through as a child and teenager will have a huge impact on how you see the world now and how you behave in it.

Your relationships with family and friends will play a big role in who you become. This can be positive (eg, “my dad was creative, and now I am too”), but it can also have negative consequences.

Think about your character and how it might be connected to your past - this will help you put together more pieces of the puzzle that makes up you.

At times, thinking about why we act the way we do can be a frustrating journey, but the questions we ask ourselves to trigger our emotions often yield clear answers.

By delving into the past that is hidden in your subconscious, you can learn a lot about yourself.

Try journaling - note certain patterns of behavior and try to find references to events from the past.

If it's too difficult for you, do it with a loved one, working through everything you remember from your childhood. You might be surprised to see the results!

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If there is no preference

It's a little more complicated here. Many people are puzzled by the question of how to figure out what to do in life, because they simply do not know in what area they can prove themselves.

A simple exercise that may even seem stupid to some will help here. You just need to free up 2 hours, sit down at the table, write down absolutely all your skills, abilities, abilities, talents and qualities in a notebook.

Then, after resting, you need to study the resulting list with fresh eyes and “try on” the most suitable areas of activity. Perhaps one of them will spark enthusiasm.

You can do it another way - write down areas of activity and everything that a person is at least slightly interested in or fascinated by. It could even be a stream of thoughts. After resting, you will need to analyze what you have written and cross out what seems outright nonsense. It’s already simpler: there is a certain basis and direction.

What is human intuition, or how to learn to listen to yourself

The uniqueness of our brain lies not only in its limitless intellectual abilities, but also in the ability to send certain signals at the level of premonitions. This incredible ability of the subconscious, which every person possesses, is called intuition. It, like our other skills, can be improved with the help of special exercises and techniques.

The main feature of the manifestation of intuition is internal sensations that prompt the right decision. Due to the inability to listen to the inner voice, a person often misses the opportunity to make the right decision for him, which can radically change his life.

In order to learn to trust your own intuition and develop it sufficiently, it is worth practicing by doing some exercises.

To begin to feel the inner voice, you need to reduce the influence of consciousness on it. For this purpose, sports are the best choice, as a result of which physical activity increases and mental activity decreases. The person becomes calmer and more balanced, which improves the conditions for the development of this brain ability.
By giving your intuition freedom, you allow it to act without the control of your mind. This means it can be developed anywhere and at any time of the day. For example, predict who a message came from or an incoming call without looking at the gadget screen. Or listen carefully to yourself and guess what the friend you are going to meet is wearing.
An equally interesting way to improve your abilities is to observe the signs that surround us everywhere. It is very important to put aside logical thinking and take advantage of the unconscious gift of our brain. For example, the answer to a correctly asked question can be found in a book open on any page. It is also worth paying attention to the various signs that fate gives us, thereby preventing us from a bad turn of events. This could be phrases heard unintentionally, information on signs, spilled coffee, and even dreams, which can both contribute to decision-making and warn against what is planned.

“Know yourself, and you will know the whole world,” said the great Socrates, and he was absolutely right. This means that all the necessary resources for a full existence and development of individual abilities are within us. Ephemeral happiness in the form of material wealth is unlikely to ever bring moral satisfaction. But studying one’s own “I” and developing innate talents will certainly bring harmony and understanding of one’s own purpose into everyone’s life.

Search for patterns

How to understand what to do in life? You have to be logical. Again, you will need some free time and a notepad. It is recommended to write down your 20 favorite activities there. Even if they seem banal (let's say eating delicious food).

The finished list should be carefully studied. Are there any patterns to it? Maybe several activities are interconnected? Sometimes people don’t even notice that their hobbies, which they have been pursuing for several years, belong, in fact, to the same field.

So you need to think and break the resulting list into groups. For what? This will help a person understand what kind of life he wants to live.

Introspection

To capture feelings of happiness and clearly know your goals, first understand yourself and understand what you want. Self-analysis will help you delve into different corners of your soul and find out your true desires. All you need is a piece of paper, a pen and silence. Knowing yourself requires concentration, so it is important that there are no distractions.

This method is great for helping you organize your thoughts. A great way to visualize your desires is to use a mental map, which involves transferring your thoughts onto paper. Anton Pavlovich Chekhov said a very important thought: “If you want to understand life, observe and feel, stop believing what they say and write.”

Search from reverse

Another simple and interesting way that can help you understand what is really worth doing in life. Many people actually find it easier to answer the question of what they don't want.

But even here you will need a list for visualization. You need to take a notebook and write down all the areas of activity and professions that a person would never engage in in his life.

And here honesty is important. His current profession should also be on the list if it does not suit him.

Having such a list, it is indeed much easier to identify your aptitudes for certain areas of activity.

Imagine your perfect day

In the bustle of everyday life, we sometimes forget what we really want. Find ten minutes of free time and work through this exercise. To do this, close your eyes and imagine your morning: when you open your eyes, what would you like to see first? What will be the awakening and attitude of your loved ones towards you? Whether it’s coffee in bed or a morning trip to the pool is up to you.

Think about where you will go after breakfast. Will you go with your own car or with a driver? Imagine an evening: do you want to spend it in the warm circle of your family or in a cheerful company of friends?

And, of course, don’t forget about ending the day: where, how and with whom you want to fall asleep. Your task is to colorfully outline and think through to the smallest detail your ideal day.

Maximum development!

Unfortunately, many people not only cannot understand what to do in life and how to find themselves, they even find it difficult to make the notorious lists. In this case, they have no other choice: they will have to develop.

Nothing leads to a dead end more than a closed space, lack of dynamics in life, the same social circle, and routine.

The best way to avoid this is to travel. As often as possible and over maximum distances. Not to the next city, but to the other side of the world. Each trip provides a guaranteed burst of energy. A person sees how and what people live, what they do, what hobbies they enjoy, etc.

What will this give? Food for thought, emotions and, most importantly, boundless inspiration. And it, as you know, is characterized by the highest productivity, unprecedented concentration of forces and enormous spiritual uplift. In such a state a person is capable of much.

Most people understand what is best to do in life when they are in such euphoria. And they begin to act. Inspiration frees you from unnecessary thoughts and pushes you to take concrete steps. There is no need to be afraid of traveling and look for excuses from doing it - perhaps your next trip will be a turning point in your life.

How to overcome temptations when choosing desires

Often, changing the vector of movement, searching for one’s own path in life is associated with the inevitable introduction of something new. It is very easy to get distracted by emerging images and lose sight of the main goal. To avoid confusion, use the simple “Idea Box” technique by Barbara Sher. It's very easy to implement:

Designate a separate notebook or small box. Choose what is more convenient for you.
When a new idea comes to you, simply record it on a page of your diary or a piece of paper that you put in a box.

In this simple way, you will give the thoughts that arise a material embodiment, even if just by writing them down. This will free the brain from thinking and researching them, leaving resources for solving the main issue.

Reading

How to determine what to do in life if there are no thoughts in your head at all? We must “absorb” literature.

Do I need to explain the benefits of reading? Unfortunately, nowadays, yes. Here's what reading books does:

Increased creativity.
Expanding your horizons.
Improving fantasy and imagination.
Erudition, and hence - self-confidence.
Increasing literacy, expanding vocabulary.
Improved attention.
Development of thinking and memory.
Improving communication and empathy skills.

A reading person has his own worldview, a deep view of the world, high values, principles and beliefs. Plus, some books are powerful motivators! Many people were inspired to self-realization by literature.

Life at 100%

Set your priorities. A reasonable person, of course, will understand that he will not be able to take everything at once. If you are determined to get an answer to the question: “How to understand what you want from life?”, It’s worth thinking about what exactly is included in your personal concept of all this. For some it is material wealth, for others it is a rich spiritual life. There are many options, so make a rough list of what you want.

Create bounding boxes. Often in the race for pleasure, people lose control. If you blindly follow the rule that you need to try everything in life, there can be dire consequences. There is an opportunity to get new sensations in a parachute jump, as well as in the use of illegal drugs. Therefore, you should set your priorities correctly.

Expand your social circle. Dating can open up something new in the familiar. Interesting people can take you to different places and show you much more beautiful things. Such people will be useful in all areas of life: from professional to personal space.

Expand your horizons. Life is subject to whoever owns the information. It's never too late to learn new things. Study the history of different countries, the cultures of peoples, read books that develop personality. Without knowledge, life will become gray and monotonous. The more developed a person is, the more opportunities are open to him.

There is no need to focus on achieving one goal. This approach is a direct path to failure in other areas. You need to develop and achieve goals in different areas of life, without giving preference to one thing. People often do not know their true purpose in life. For example, a decision was made to visit a desert island, but preparation for this trip will take a long time. While this time passes, there is an opportunity to succeed and take many delights from life.

Don't deny yourself. Of course, this rule must be followed within reasonable limits. If a person’s budget allows him to decide to purchase the desired car, it is recommended to make such a purchase.

Communication

It is advisable to communicate with successful people. Why? Because a loser and a successful person have qualitative differences in their way of thinking. And that's it. When communicating with a loser, a person will plunge into pessimism and complaints about a bad life. Where does the desire to change something in your life for the better come from?

But a successful person, being a motivated, strong, purposeful person, radiates special energy and positivity. And he doesn’t complain, because it’s a pointless thing that doesn’t bring the slightest benefit.

A few minutes of communication with such a person is enough to recharge with optimism and the desire to act. In addition, you can learn from a successful person effective ways to interact with the world. And being next to him, you yourself want to develop.

A man who doesn’t know what he wants – a psychological portrait

I observe quite often people who do not know what they want from life, from relationships. And they can’t even say what they want right here and now.

And I can state with confidence that these are pleasant, good-looking people. They are well-mannered, modest, and strive to do everything right. They are responsible. And, overly conforming.

Conformity is a quality that shows that a person follows the opinion of the crowd. Or, he does what the particular stratum of society to which you belong at the moment tells. In addition, such people are characterized by confusion .

Well, of course, they simply answer “I don’t know” .

A person who doesn’t know what he wants is precisely why he comes to a psychologist for help, because by a certain age this feature begins to cause dissatisfaction and problems in life. —

Such as:

Job dissatisfaction is the most common complaint

The person ended up in this job either completely by accident, or he was hired there. He goes there, and, by his own admission, “endures with all his might.” “Struggles with sleep. Hard labor." What kind of professional growth and feats of achievement can we talk about? There won't be any. A man is serving a prison sentence. Of course this makes him unhappy.

Men and women who don't know what they want from a relationship

Another category of losses. If a girl doesn't know what she wants from a relationship, how does she behave? That's right, he is guided by the opinion of his mother, friends, neighbors... “If you have to get married, then you have to get married. Oh, I’m not married - woe, woe... They told me to marry just such a man - okay, I’ll listen. Since my mother says that he is the best for me, my mother knows better, she has lived her life, she has experience”... And what is the result? Again dissatisfaction and confusion.

Some men also don’t know what they want from a relationship. It may seem to him that he needs a girl - at any cost. But as soon as he has her, they begin to live together. What often happens is this: “But I’m not ready. I haven't had enough time. I'm not ready for this level of responsibility. I can’t devote all my free time to my family. I want to grow and develop. Relationships interfere with me and so on.”

It’s just that, initially, such a guy doesn’t know what he wants . He did not understand himself and his desires. Didn't weigh the consequences. And, as a result, we have problematic relationships.

Leaving your comfort zone

As practice shows, people who ask the question “What do I want to do in life?” either have not tried themselves in any field of activity, or have always been involved in only one professional field.

What should be done? Get out of your comfort zone. It's difficult, not everyone can do it. Many would rather continue to sit at home and complain about life than get an internship. Because in their comfort zone they feel psychologically protected. That is, safe.

This is stability to the detriment of self-deception. Standing still is comparable to degradation. If a person does not solve complex problems, then he loses clarity of thinking. The next stage is the abandonment of life goals. The result is a meaningless existence.

And besides, how can you figure out what you want to do if you don’t try?

Test: how to understand who you want to work with

There are many ways to determine career guidance for those who find it difficult to decide on a profession. This question is especially relevant for graduates of educational institutions who are about to embark on an independent life journey. By answering a number of questions, you can, to some extent, coordinate your actions and learn interesting facts about yourself, which can certainly help in choosing the required specialty.

So, let's start the test. Next to each answer there is a number that must be written down separately on a sheet of paper. Then you need to sum all the numbers and find your result at the end of the test.

Controlling the people around you is an incredibly boring task:

yes - 0
don't know - 1
no - 2

I am closer to working with finance than working in the arts:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

I usually don’t calculate the time it takes to get to my destination:

yes - 0
don't know - 1
no - 2

Prone to risky ventures:

yes - 0
don't know - 1
no - 2

I don't like clutter in the room:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

I like to spend my free time reading books:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

I prefer disorganization and lack of order in notes:

yes - 0
don't know - 1
no - 2

I tend to save money:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

My workplace is more often a creative mess than perfect cleanliness:

yes - 0
don't know - 1
no - 2

I like to carry out clearly defined tasks:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

My things are neatly arranged in drawers and boxes:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

Thoughts about cleaning make me sad and irritated:

yes - 0
don't know - 1
no - 2

I like to work on the computer, processing information:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

I carefully think through every step before making decisions:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

I like to work with information using graphics and tables:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

I prefer games in which you need to calculate every step and not make risky moves:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

When learning a foreign language, I focus on studying grammar, and only then improve my speaking:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

I try to carefully study the problem that has arisen through reading and consultations with professionals:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

When writing text it matters to me:

sequence -2
don't know - 1
artistry - 0

To organize my thoughts and responsibilities, I keep a diary:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

Always up to date with political news and the economic situation in the country:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

In my work it is important for me:

new, bright sensations – 0
don't know - 1
feeling of satisfaction and peace - 2

It’s common for me to put things off until later and do everything at the last moment:

yes - 0
don't know - 1
no - 2

I immediately return the book I read to its place:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

Every evening I plan things for the next day:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

26. Before making any decision, I weigh the pros and cons:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

When dealing with responsible and extensive work, I tend to plan every step:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

After guests arrive, I put off cleaning and washing dishes until tomorrow:

yes - 0
don't know - 1
no - 2

I have a careful attitude towards health and lifestyle:

yes - 2
don't know - 1
no - 0

At the slightest failure, I proceed as follows:

thinking about it and looking for a solution - 2
don't know - 1
I get nervous and lose control – 0.

Now we count the points indicated next to each answer and find the result.

49-60 points

Your motto is excellence in everything. You are characterized by attentiveness and hard work, which are in great demand in such areas as accounting, programming, economics and other areas where a balanced and diligent approach to business is required. People who score the highest level of points know how to organize work and can become excellent leaders.

37–48 points
You are a collected and punctual person who values accuracy in everything. Such people are successful in law, statistics, and the computer field. Work with settlement documents is suitable for you - financier, economist, as well as text editing - journalist, proofreader, editor.

26-36 points

You are a great original, everything new is not alien to you. Logical thinking is developed. Keep a close eye on what's new in the business world. Big business is no stranger to you.

13-25 points

This category of people is distinguished by extraordinary thinking, impulsiveness and creative abilities. Working with documents will probably make you bored, and you will hardly be able to sit in one place. If you fall into this category, you should think about the field of design, journalism, and marketing.

0-12 points
The uniqueness of this group of people lies in their unusual approach to solving problems - they perform actions guided only by their own desires. They do not like obligations and time frames, which often limit their creative endeavors. Provided they develop consistency and perseverance, they can find themselves in such areas as photography, painting, acting and design.

Refusal to copy

Another important point. How to find what you like? Stop living someone else's life and copying someone, start listening to your desires and thinking with your own head.

It's a classic, you might say. A person gets into a profession because it is popular or has prestigious status. He gets a job in one company or another because it is engaged in relevant activities. He is trying himself in a field that is now gaining momentum.

So, all this can be justified and profitable, but only if a person is drawn to all of the above! For desire is of great importance. And if a person acts on the principle “it’s just popular now,” then, of course, he will not feel like a fish out of water.

What we need to understand is that one person’s experience is not suitable for another. Views differ, and that's normal. Everyone has their own path. And you have to go through it yourself from beginning to end.

Working with the subconscious

To distinguish your own dream from the one imposed by society, you just need to be alone with yourself. This method helps you concentrate directly on your true desires.

So, if you want to understand life, then stop being lazy and stopping halfway. Therefore, we suggest that you begin the exercise immediately. To do this, you should relax, you can turn on calm music. Next, you need to close your eyes and imagine your desired future in each area of life in the form of pictures.

Imagine what kind of house, car or maybe yacht you want? Think about what you want to do, how you want to look, where you would like to go. Don't be afraid to dream, give free rein to your imagination. Analyze every area of your life: home, family, interior, real estate, transport, personal achievements, position in society.

First the goal, then the path

A very interesting tactic, but not suitable for everyone. Why do you need to do anything at all? There are a lot of reasons - self-realization, the desire to feel useful and belong to an important cause, the need for respect, etc.

But all this is not as important as the goal. Everything a person does is done for the sake of something. Therefore, you need to decide - what do you want to end up with? What is the motivation? What's the incentive? Having determined the goal, it will be possible to build a path to it and look for opportunities. And it will be much easier than before.

Because motivation is the “engine” for a person. Wanting something as badly as breathing when there is a lack of oxygen underwater, he is ready to do anything. And there is no longer time to look for excuses, laziness, a waste of time.

There is a goal. And life turns into a quest to achieve it. And a person realizes: every small step forward brings him closer to it. That’s why it’s much better than standing still.

4) Accept that you are not in complete control of the future.

We are too focused on stability and security. Modern life has taught us that we should always know where we are going, what we are doing, and that we should always have a plan A, plan B, plan C, plan D and others.

No matter how well prepared, all this preparation left us traumatized by the possibility of the unknown. We are so afraid of making choices that have no clear outcome that we would rather not make any choices at all.

It's time to accept. Accept the fact that life is uncertain and the future is uncertain. Once you accept this, you can focus on taking meaningful action to create a life you love.

There is no point in focusing on the past and what cannot be changed. According to psychotherapist Mary Darling Montero of the Huffington Post, “Running in circles, dwelling on past mistakes only leaves us dizzy and swimming in regret.”

Your future is determined by all the small actions you take every day. If we chase our dreams, do what we want, and stay on the path we choose, then there is no reason why you won't get to the destination you are looking for.

While you can never predict the future, you can do whatever it takes to get what you want.