I’m a boring person, no one is attracted to me, no one is attracted to communicating with me - how can I change this? This article explains how boredom occurs and what you can do to make life and communication more interesting.
First I’ll ask a question: how did you know that you are a boring person?
Maybe your mom and dad, brother or sister told you about this. Maybe you heard this from classmates or guys with whom you played in the same yard. Often people themselves draw this conclusion by comparing themselves with other people, around whom there is always a crowd and with whom everyone strives to be friends. In any case, feeling boring, uninteresting, unclaimed is an unpleasant and difficult experience. It fills you with sadness, anger, envy.
What causes you to be considered boring?
The most obvious, but completely wrong answer is to be ordinary, not be able to do anything special, not have a million interesting stories in stock and not be an expert in books/movies and other content for discussion.
However, almost all people are just as ordinary, and yet they are very interested in other ordinary people.
And the feeling of boring, painful, forced-formal communication arises due to completely different moments:
- A boring person complains and whines a lot and constantly - about personal bad luck, about other people, about culture, politics, economics, etc. Everything is bad for him.
- He constantly condemns other people's activities and projects, praising only his own.
- A boring person always speaks in all seriousness - there is no irony, sarcasm, or jokes in his arsenal.
- He does not know how to chat about something unimportant, constantly trying to talk in detail about “fundamental” topics.
- He expresses only very banal judgments, and with hackneyed phrases and hackneyed quotes. As a rule, his reactions are very predictable for everyone around him.
- He is afraid of seeming stupid and therefore never ironizes himself, does not chat about all sorts of trifles that come to mind, does not laugh at humor, which he considers not “high enough,” etc.
- He unwittingly forces his interlocutors to entertain themselves and “create an atmosphere.” And he himself never gives everyone an interesting topic of conversation.
Have you noticed anything from this list? But those around you notice this too...
Is it just you or the company that calls you a boring person?
Unlocking possibilities, overcoming boundaries
If the thought “I’m boring” is still spinning in your head, despite completing the feats on the list, it’s time to resort to the unknown. Surely, desires have awakened that have not yet been encountered in your modest life: to learn basic sewing techniques, to move a brush on canvas, to make designer stocking dolls, to kick a ball on a football field, to learn the art of makeup. A million examples can be given of how one can develop in various directions if one wishes. As a rule, we build barriers ourselves, but there are no barriers to the beginning of personal development, even at retirement age.
Or maybe you're just in the wrong company?
Sometimes you shouldn’t suffer from the problem “people are bored with me” and try to adapt to these people - because these are not your people at all. You can be considered a gloomy, boring, “gray” person simply because you do not fit into the “subculture” of a certain community. So, for example, you may not fit into a female team at work if it is customary to gossip and discuss recipes, but instead of participating in this “team building” you prefer to remain silent.
Beautiful and Successful knows how to become more confident >>
Usually, companies secretly consider as uninteresting people who have little knowledge and are not passionate about the topic that unites this crowd. It is unlikely that a person unfamiliar with the teams, rules and ups and downs of big-time sports will be considered a fascinating conversationalist in a sports bar. In a company that spends time in pubs, a supporter of healthy eating and sobriety will not be considered “one of their own.” Etc.
But it’s not only your expertise in the topic that matters, but also adapting to the company’s communication style: understanding and using “internal” slang and jokes, “local memes,” etc.
As a rule, the problem of alienation to a certain team is solved by changing the team. Although it also happens that in unsuitable society there are certain people who are interested in you, and this develops into personal friendships.
A fast path to a fulfilling life
If you decide to change, you are not going to stop at any difficulties, improve, develop, become attractive to most people, take a worthy position in society, then it is time to take several steps towards realizing hidden opportunities, talents and desires. Psychologists provide a modest list of sequential steps for self-improvement:
- Stop telling yourself, “I'm boring.” Otherwise, you won’t be in an optimistic mood. It is known that lack of self-confidence gives rise to passivity and self-confidence in life.
- Look “into yourself” with the help of a mirror, study every feature of your face, the depth of your eyes, the thoughtfulness of your gaze, look for what you don’t notice in others and identify features that are unique to you. Love yourself, understand that you are not like you, and this is an individuality.
- A lot of trainings, both individual and group, are carried out in modern society, which has ceased to be wild and is well accepted by people; moreover, attendance at trainings on personal growth is increasing every year. When studying courses on adaptation to life circumstances and personality development, it is easy to find new friends with whom you will also find common interests and topics for conversation.
- Do not focus on the opinions of others, this can lead you into a stupor in life at a crucial moment of decision-making; be without a doubt confident in your own abilities and unshakable energy.
- It is worth choosing interesting areas of activity in which focus will not fade, but will only gain momentum in full force, thus really transforming from a boring scientist into an unpredictable showman. Reveal yourself, learn and believe only in your own strength.
Maneuvers around sex3
As adults, we create comfortable conditions for making love. In fact, you shouldn’t do this in a car or in a hallway if you have a separate apartment and an excellent bed. But when we were young, we had to be quite creative, and use a lot of ingenuity, which was essentially part of the fun and happy anticipation.
Most teenagers don't have a separate, comfortable bedroom where they can retreat to at the end of the night without fear of waking their parents. Therefore, they are creative and ready to take on almost any challenge from cars and movie theaters to parks and even roller coaster rides. Why don't we try it too? For some, this will become a real extreme and will bring exciting variety to their sex life.
Enthusiasm i
Once upon a time, we spent a ton of energy just waiting for a date. And although we tried very hard not to show it, when we came face to face with our beloved person, our emotions burst out like a fountain. Now such excitement will seem childish. But perhaps we have the wrong perception. Look how genuinely happy teenagers are when they meet each other. Perhaps if our partners showed such delight when they were expecting us, then the journey home from work would become much more pleasant.
Find a new hobby
Entertaining leisure time increases self-esteem, gives you the opportunity to relax and meet like-minded people, lifts your spirits and restores the desire to live. Hobbies can be found at any age. Try to do something that interested you in childhood and adolescence. If you are satisfied with the result, continue in the same spirit.
To overcome reticence, choose a hobby related to active communications.
If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .
Interesting activities to help cope with stiffness in relationships:
- Writing fanfiction in thematic groups of social networks. A person with a rich imagination comes up with a continuation of the plot of a favorite TV series, book or movie. By publishing his own fan fiction, a person meets fans of similar works.
- Capoeira or other martial arts. Capoeira is a martial art from Brazil that combines elements of fighting, acting and dancing.
- Latin American dances. Salsa, samba, cha-cha-cha - all these dances captivate passionate people. People communicate by dancing. Gradually they stop worrying about their silence and start discussing dance steps.
- Rock climbing, skydiving or diving. These hobbies are accompanied by an adrenaline rush. They are for people who are brave or who want to overcome their phobias.
- Running or race walking. Nordic walking is popular, bringing together large groups of like-minded people. Sports bring people together and simplify communication among both adults and children.
It's important to not just find a new activity. The main thing is that this helps to create a sociable person out of an indecisive person. Even if you spend several months choosing an interesting hobby, this time will be repaid by the joy of communicating with new acquaintances.
Seduce like a teenager4
For teenagers, expressing feelings in public is important. About a dozen years ago, for many this was perhaps the main event of the day: hugging, kissing, giving free rein to their hands, in front of friends and a large crowd of people on the street. It seems indecent to us now, but how we want to forget about all the conventions and succumb to temptation. Try this to feel unprecedented excitement and excitement. This can be amazing foreplay where you can hardly wait to get to bed faster.
It seems logical for us to undress ourselves when we are both ready for sex. But women prefer to be seduced or fake it. Remember how exciting it was to fiddle with the bra clasp and move away her hands, which she allegedly tried to interfere with. Adult girls really miss this, because the more work a man puts into foreplay, the more turned on his partner will be by the time he takes off her panties.
Film "Uninvited Guests"
Enrich your vocabulary
If you don’t want to be known as Ellochka from “The Twelve Chairs,” read more books, find out the meaning of unknown words. The absence of a smile and monosyllabic answers are perceived by others as a reluctance to communicate.
Exercises to expand your vocabulary (for oral or written performance):
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
- One part of speech is taken, for example, a noun. You need to compose a story using only them. "Morning. Climb. Charger. TV. Breakfast". And so on. Verbs, adjectives and other parts of speech are used in the same way.
- A chain of interconnected words is invented, starting with the letters of the alphabet in order: “Anna is afraid of falling in love, she walks until the green spruce…” And then in alphabetical order.
- Monophone. Speech is composed of words starting with the same letter. We must try to connect them with each other, sometimes sacrificing meaning.
Expanding the vocabulary is necessary for voicing thoughts, intentions, and conclusions. Silent people often read a lot when alone. Self-isolation does not contribute to the growth of vocabulary, since it is not enough to read new words, you need to train to use them in speech, transforming passive knowledge into active ones. This is only possible through live contact with others.
