10 reasons why you can't do anything

Greetings, dear readers!

“Nothing works out in life. Everything goes wrong! Not as we would like” – I hear this very often from my clients.

That’s how I decided to title this article. It is part of a series of publications devoted to life crises.

The last note was about the fact that there is no happiness in life. So this is its continuation.

There are many reasons for bad luck and failure in life.

In this article I will describe only 3 of them. This …

Wrong chosen path in life
Perfectionism and procrastination
Negative life script and limiting beliefs

Other reasons for various problems and failures in life will be presented in subsequent publications.

But first, let's define...

Why

Are you afraid to stand out?

Any society monitors each of its members so that they do not demonstrate excessive self-confidence.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, poet and philosopher

People don't like it when others change or do things that make them feel uncomfortable. When you challenge yourself to achieve your ideal, others perceive it as a threat to their inner balance. The success of others makes them reflect on their own failures and wasted potential. This is quite unpleasant, so most people will react to your actions with aggression.

This is the truth of life. If you want to achieve something extraordinary, something that will set you apart from everyone else, you will have to understand that you are different and learn to live with it.

People will call you weird, crazy, selfish, arrogant, irresponsible, obnoxious, stupid, rude, shallow, insecure, fat, and ugly. They will try to “bring you back to reality,” to force you to behave like a “normal” person. Perhaps those closest to you will be the most cruel to you. If you are not confident enough in your ideas and desires, then you will not get far.

The Power of Clarity

Instead of saying that nothing works out in life, it’s better to be more specific about what you mean by “nothing”? What should happen? What do you want to achieve so badly? It is very difficult to achieve abstract goals: I want to lose weight, I want to become more confident, I want a good job. It’s better this way: I’ll do exercises every day and approach strangers and ask for directions at least once a day.

Clarity of goals and their measurability are the basic necessity for something to start working out in life. Take some time, sit down, think in detail about what you want from life. Then break the goal into parts, into small steps, into simple tasks. After all, you definitely manage to wake up in the morning, talk, read, cook. This means that we can no longer say that nothing works out in life.

You lack persistence

In 2009, Karl Marlantes finally published the novel Matterhorn, based on his own memories of the Vietnam War. The book became a bestseller. The New York Times called it "one of the most profound and affecting works about the war." According to Black Hawk Down author Mark Bowden, Matterhorn is the greatest book about the Vietnam War.

How did Marlantes achieve such success? For 35 years he sought to have his book published. This is more than half of his entire life. He rewrote the manuscript six times. In the first two decades after the book was written, publishers rejected the novel as soon as they read it.

There are quite a lot of such stories. Remember Walt Disney, who was considered untalented. For twenty years he persuaded Pamela Travers to agree to the film adaptation of her book.

Most of us give up too quickly on the path to our cherished goal. But almost every success story is also a story of perseverance and struggle. Nothing truly worthwhile comes easy.

Oh, what a mighty man!

First of all, you need to realize the enormous scale of your abilities. Believe in yourself.

There is a well-known case in one of the schools - a boy could not run normally and do other exercises because of his bones, which were not fused correctly. And the physical education teacher made concessions to him, lowering the bar for him. However, this teacher left and another took his place. The new teacher was categorical and did not intend to make exceptions for anyone, so the boy, in order to get a test, had to run the distance as quickly as the rest. He had no choice but to train and run. At the end of the year, he passed the test and ran twice as fast as before. Moreover, he stopped constantly falling and began to walk normally.

This story is about how man is capable of miracles. Remember how you did a job in a day that seemed to take ten times as long. Or how quickly they ran away from the dog, climbed a tree out of fear, or jumped over a high fence. Or how some knowledge suddenly surfaced during exams. This happens because man is a capable being. Therefore, there is no need to belittle your abilities.

It will be useful to keep a notebook in which to write down all your successes, even the most seemingly insignificant ones.

You lack modesty

Just don't confuse modesty with shyness. Many people, having barely achieved something, begin to consider themselves experts in their field. Modesty means understanding that you don’t know everything.

Truly great people know that they know nothing.

It’s interesting that the people who most like to talk about their success are people whose achievements do not represent something supernatural. They are the ones who often become coaches and begin to teach everyone and everything how to achieve high results in their business.

Conversely, self-made people who have made a real breakthrough in their industry usually talk little about how they managed to do it. They either downplay their accomplishments or simply don't mention them. Instead, these people admit that they make mistakes and openly talk about their weaknesses and what they still have to learn.

The main reason for failure, or Why am I not succeeding?

Why does one person succeed and another doesn’t? Sometimes chronically. What is this? Fate, a joke of nature, a pattern?

Those who are familiar with life will immediately answer that everything is simple here - one does it, the other doesn’t, one keeps the rhythm, the other abandons it. But if you take a closer look, this is just the tip of the iceberg, which, by the way, is clearly visible at the first signs of awareness, including by those who fail, but this does not change the meaning. What lies at the basis of this phenomenon?

There are even more interesting situations when they do both. But again, one succeeds, and the other does not. What's the point here?

Just don’t say that in the recipe, someone does it right, but another doesn’t. We live in an enchanting time where tasks without clear recipes simply no longer exist. Absolutely any question has a fixed answer, broken down in parts, and not just one, but tailored to different people and situations: Google, Yandex, YouTube help us all, not to mention traditional methods of education, advice from friends and observing the world. So why are there so many people around who cannot cope with banal life issues such as getting their appearance in order, making money doing what they love, communicating with like-minded people, and financial independence? And what is the difference between those who manage to solve the tasks they set for themselves?

Previously, I would have said that it is a matter of intention - that is, a deep desire without an admixture of lust and requests, bordering on a willingness to accept a new situation into one’s life.

But today I found a more accurate and capacious definition, which is on the verge of real change on any of the issues:

Sincere spiritual effort

Here every word plunges into the abyss of universal meaning:

Sincerely,

a deep, real, living, strong desire to change in the issue you are deciding. Not so that others will be jealous, and not because you are jealous. Not in order to stop feeling worthless, but then to begin your ascent to the light and draw strength from this world through the endless process of development. Sincerely.

Spiritual

understanding the essence of change and the implementation of certain goals in life, where the only path involves both contribution and return. Giving is as spiritual as the effort we put into receiving it.

An effort

primary, since this is our contribution, from which the return grows. Any attempt to reverse the process - first harvest, and only then work in the garden beds - is ridiculous and sad. No, it's just funny. Effort is the seed of change.

Here's what one of my favorite authors, Paramahansa Yogananda, says about this:

Sincere spiritual effort (regardless of internal struggle) generates positive spiritual vibrations

The internal struggle with the serious opposition between bright goals and doubts, fears, demotivating thoughts and destructive habits will not be able to hinder you and will not lead you off course, if at the same time, somewhere in the very depths, you make a sincere spiritual effort to change in the issue you want to solve.

I went into my problems, which came out in a variety of masks, almost blindly, without the slightest idea whether I could stand it or not, armed only with a very, very, very strong desire to change and firmly deciding that there was no turning back.

Now I know that my sword was called “sincere spiritual effort”, and it cuts through any ignorance, which is mental pain, and the intention not to turn around under any conditions, it turns out, has also long been described as an axiom of spiritual physics, and, in fact, it is the only way to move forward in the maturation spiral. When there is no effort from the very depths, and in reality there are only superficial “I want” and “give”, a person remains in the role of an ignorant and can live like this all his life.

The very fact of birth in a physical body is a hint that a person is in spiritual ignorance

Yogananda

We are all born unconscious, these are the rules of the game. But to begin your conscious ascent along the facets of existence or not is already the free choice of each person and at the same time the line after which he ceases to be a child. He stops searching, asking and demanding, and begins to create and apply sincere spiritual effort to everything he does.

How to make it work for you?

1. The basis of fundamentals is sincere spiritual effort

I've said it many times and I want to say it again: the people who have truly changed and managed to achieve seemingly very difficult goals are not stronger, smarter or more fearless than you - what really sets them apart is the fact that they feared the LACK OF CHANGE more than the change itself. That is, they were so embarrassed by what was that they overcame the fear that appears when moving towards any drastic changes.

Most stories of entrepreneurs and authors of their projects begin approximately the same:

“How am I s-a-d-o-l-b-a-l-

s-ya"

Words from a famous movie.

They really wanted financial and work independence, so much that they were ready to work 12 hours for this, not go on vacation for a couple of years, forget about May, New Year and other gingerbread.

I started with the fact that I was tired of being internally dissatisfied. I'm very tired of it. Of course, I also had questions about the work. I was pretty tired of making money for someone (and I always worked directly or indirectly in sales and directly influenced the company’s income), but this bothered me less than my constant unhappiness, which was already creeping out of my ears, although I tried my best to shut it up with the help travels, relocations, updates of companies with whom I communicated, and new novels.

My first decision was the intention to become happy. From here I began to unravel this knot, came to creating myself anew as the only way to cleanse myself from ignorance and to many, many other things where my path was and continues to be illuminated by the effort to move forward to be who I want to see myself.

2. Meaningful action

Spiritual effort differs from dreams and fantasies in that it is transformed into action. Moreover, it is not the action itself that is important, but the meaningful action

– that is,
the ability to adjust the route as much as necessary, without going off course.
Don't understand what to do? Find the answer. Is a recipe not working? Take the next one. Study the ingredients and try mixing them yourself. In general, there’s this thing with recipes – they rarely work the first time for beginners, only for those who are in the know. It seems that sometimes it is useful for a person to get burned a couple of times, so that then everything goes like clockwork in this matter. Maybe this is how the sincerity of his spiritual efforts is tested?

3. Ability to keep rhythm

The most important skill in any process is called “Don’t stop,” because nature does not understand another language. A tree cannot stop developing, why did a person think that he could?

One day, a heavy smoker with 30 years of experience, and part-time my mother, showed me an illustration of how to learn to keep a rhythm through her history of quitting cigarettes.

She decided to quit smoking, lasted a day, and the next she was going to the store for cigarettes, as happens to many of us, but she got into a conversation with the saleswoman. And she cuts her off:

- I won’t sell. You lasted one day, so you can do another.

And this became the basis for progress along the path of abandoning such a corrosive habit. Don’t give up completely, but stand for just one day – just today. The next day, the same thing, plus constantly notice what good is happening to your body, if you haven’t smoked for 3 days, 4 days, and so on. And so on step by step, so that after 30 days you don’t even think about cigarettes.

When you start something, don’t strive for “forever” and “for good,” don’t make loud statements, don’t rush into quick changes. Try it today. And so every day, because in fact, no other state exists - every time we wake up in the same thing today. This is the fastest way to ensure that you personally get what you have in mind.

There will be changes!

♥

Olesya Vlasova

PS Friends! You can familiarize yourself with my personal collection of sources on the topic of physics and metaphysics of conscious change (what I inspire myself and what I recommend to you) at this link >>. The result was 33 books, 23 articles, 10 websites, 9 films, 8 videos + some personal stuff.

You are unable to network and build strong relationships

In the modern world, the ability to communicate with people is extremely important. There are even separate trainings on mastering networking. In some industries, it is extremely difficult to advance without the art of networking. In addition, you simply need to be able to ask people for help. However, sometimes our fear, self-doubt or, conversely, arrogance interfere with our communication with other people and make us miss valuable opportunities that could change our whole life.

66% of hired employees know someone from the company they will work for. But even outside of business communication, the desire for isolation can ruin all your efforts. In addition, it often leads to depression. The ability to build strong romantic relationships is also closely related to the ability to meet the right people and interact productively with them.

I need this, and this, and this!

Every person has a dream in their life. He wants his house to be full, everything at work is easy, there are no scandals in the family, and money flows like a river. However, some people want too much and live as if in rosy dreams, wanting everything at once. But these dreams will be just as much of an obstacle to achieving your goals as their absence. After all, when these fantasies do not come true, you can stop dreaming altogether, and then act, since you will be sure that everything is in vain.

You would rather argue than follow someone's advice

The desire to prove that you are right, instead of improving yourself, is a guaranteed path to failure. To achieve success, you need to follow a cycle that necessarily includes feedback.

Try something → get feedback on the results → learn from it → try something new.

People who would rather die than reconsider their position often break this chain and do not accept feedback. Therefore they will never change.

This does not mean that we should listen to all the advice we are given. The point is to take into account the information that comes to us as feedback, regardless of whether we consider it useful or not. You shouldn’t strive to defend your position at all costs, just to look like you were right all along.

People who suffer from this problem are usually very intelligent and extremely insecure. This is a bad combination. The smarter a person is, the longer he will rationalize his failures and find excuses for himself. He uses all his intelligence to build a defense mechanism for his fragile ego.

Do something else

The first thing to do is stop, do something else, or just relax. Before this, you were working with information, and its resource for further advancement was exhausted.

Take a break, let the information “settle down” in your head and be restructured. This is done without our knowledge. After this, you will be able to look at the problem in a new way.

Personal experience

Quite recently, the same thing happened to me: I was working remotely with one of the sites and did not understand why, if I was doing everything correctly and as usual, no expected changes were happening to the project. I spent a lot of time on this until I decided to quit this activity and rest for an hour or two. And as soon as I was a little distracted, the information at my disposal settled in my head, and I realized how obvious the reason for the stop was. All you had to do was switch your attention to another activity and rest a little.

We recommend reading: How to cheer up

You don't take responsibility for what happens to you

Do you constantly find excuses for yourself? This way you won't move forward. To solve problems, you need to take control of your life. But you can't take control of your life unless you take responsibility for it. Therefore, if you do not take responsibility, you will fail.

Yes, it is very tempting to blame what is happening on external factors, to insist that you could not do anything, that you are not to blame, he came himself. But maybe it’s still worth giving yourself an imaginary slap in the face and soberly assessing your contribution to the current situation? The sooner you do this, the sooner it can be fixed.

Errors?

If you have both efforts and faith, but still nothing in life works out, do not despair. You need to approach this not with emotions, but with cold prudence. Think about what exactly you are doing? What could be the reason for failure? How can they be solved?

If you do it and it doesn’t work, then you’re doing it wrong. This means that everything can be fixed. Why do people live in the world if not to learn?

You don't believe success is possible

To win, you need to believe in the possibility of victory. This is not about self-conviction, and there is nothing supernatural about it. Your subconscious beliefs about your capabilities affect your actual performance.

For example, the study Self-Deception and Its Relationship to Success in Competition. showed that athletes who had an untrue but positive view of their abilities demonstrated better results than athletes with a more realistic or pessimistic attitude.

In addition, people who overestimate their capabilities are much easier to rise to. It's easier for them to take action. And when you learn from your mistakes, you eventually come to success. So sometimes a little illusion can serve you well.

How to deal with learned helplessness?

In fact, it is possible to cope with learned helplessness, even if it has been going on since childhood. To do this, you should:

Find something you can control.
Think constructively. You need to try to approach problems without emotions.
Move towards your goals in small steps.
Celebrate victories.

In principle, almost the same as what was described in detail above. Learned helplessness is a separate topic that is worth studying if it seems that nothing in life is working out.

So. Why doesn't anything work out in life? Answer: because there is no faith, no clear goals, and there are too many emotions. Just try to take steps, and as life begins to change, faith in yourself and your abilities will grow.

You're afraid of being cared for

Many people catch the virus of indifference. Nothing really inspires them. Such people do not dare to fully devote themselves to any business, project or goal. Many of them give up very quickly. Others simply lose interest. And many don’t even have the strength to start.

Chronic indifference is an insidious defense mechanism. It saps the motivation and inspiration you need to get rid of it. This is how a person ends up in a vicious circle.

On an unconscious level, many people are afraid to take on something with all their might because they understand that they may fail. This failure can trigger in them a flood of thoughts for which their psyche is not at all prepared: questions about their own worth, competence, the question of whether you are worthy of love, and so on.

Typically, people who use this mechanism get rid of it only when a new emotionally intense situation occurs in their life, which they manage to cope with.

Test: History of one subject

Take a quick look at the objects in the room, choose ONE of them and start writing a story about it. It should contain several points:

Where it all began
What happened next
How it all ended

When you write a story, READ the story in first person. (For example, if you wrote a story about a table, you need to replace the word “table” with the pronoun “I”)

Now analyze which scenario this story belongs to. If you see and understand that you have an “open-ended” life scenario or it is negative, you definitely need to get out of this scenario, read how to do it correctly here..

If you have questions about the test, you can ask them here...

Deep down, you believe that you don't deserve what you want.

Moving progressively, we have come to the main reason for failures, which is often hidden behind those described above. This is the belief that you are unworthy of what you would like to receive.

Many of us have suppressed our most unpleasant feelings and ideas about ourselves, but this does not make them disappear. These ideas developed in different ways: some were bullied at school, some were constantly told by teachers or parents that they would not achieve anything in life, some were not loved by their peers for their abilities. All this leaves an imprint that is difficult to get rid of. As a result, the very thought of achieving high results often makes us uncomfortable.

If we feel that something is not rightfully ours, we always find a way to get rid of it.

The disadvantages and advantages of high position make some feel like kings and others like cheaters. Sometimes, as we approach success, a familiar inner voice begins to speak within us, feeding our fears and self-doubt until we destroy everything we have achieved. It could be a relationship with the best person we've ever met, a dream job we're hesitant to take, a unique creative opportunity that we trade in for more practical pursuits.

Whatever it is, hidden fears come to the surface and find a way to destroy what you strive for. More precisely, they force you to destroy it.

Here it is, the harshest truth lying behind our failures. It's all about you. There is no one else in this equation.

And as long as you deny it, your fear will not go away. He will be an invisible barrier separating you from happiness. You will constantly hit it, but you will not be able to break it. There is a way out, but you will have to be prepared for pain and suffering. Otherwise, you will not be able to face what is stopping you from achieving your goals. You will face the same problems again and again. Over and over again until you are ready to admit that they exist.

I'm not ready for this

There are people who think for a long time before doing something, try to mentally prepare for a certain step, and then still don’t take it. Is it the same with you? So, we hasten to please you. You will never be 100% ready for anything, and no one ever will be.

This is especially true for some important things like changing place of residence, changing jobs, having a child or getting married. Why? Yes, because we are all trying to live in a comfort zone, doing familiar things, and everything that does not apply to them plunges us into horror, like everything unknown. But you just need to understand that something unknown can be something beautiful, and open your heart to new achievements.

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Failures under Murphy's Law

According to Murphy's law, if something bad can happen, it happens. It turns out that if some kind of failure could theoretically await your business, then it is better to prepare for it in advance.

From Murphy's law it follows:

Everything is not as easy as it seems.
Every job takes more time than you think.
Of all the troubles, the one that will cause the most damage will happen.
If four causes of possible troubles are eliminated in advance, then there will always be a fifth.
Left to their own devices, events tend to go from bad to worse.
As soon as you start doing some work, there is another one that needs to be done even earlier.
Every solution creates new problems.

Only an optimist to the core could come up with this. All in all, it's worth considering. As I said above, in any case you need to keep 3 possible results in your head. Murphy's laws really show the inevitability of failure.

Overall, you will benefit from preparing yourself for the worst-case scenario, and everything will turn out better in the end. Extra insurance won't hurt.

They never take the initiative

“People think that success in one area can compensate for failure in other areas, but is that really true? True effectiveness requires balance." - Stephen Covey

So, you have a terrible boss and you really hate your job. However, this is not a reason to work carelessly. You are paid to come there and do everything right, this is a universal law of life: you get exactly as much as you put in. It is simply maturity and wisdom to try to achieve excellence no matter the circumstances.

Losers are those who simply accept bad results. Those who don't bother to find effective methods that will help them explore their abilities better. It’s just like with students: a lot depends not on how smart you are, but on how well you can prepare and plan. This, in turn, makes you feel smarter and will result in great results.

They procrastinate

“Only what is put off until tomorrow you will willingly leave to die undone,” Pablo Picasso.

And the funniest thing is that losers really like to drag their feet. And they don’t see anything reprehensible in this. This point brings us back to the point about not understanding the value of time. These people agree to live a life that is always one day behind. They live their lives as if they have another one left. It is worth realizing that you begin to die from the moment you are born, and that every day you have is a real gift. Therefore, for your own sake, you are obliged to do everything you can in these twenty-four hours, because no one promised you that you will see tomorrow.

Their values do not match their goals

“It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” - Roy Disney.

The more important the goal, the higher it will be in the hierarchy of your values, and the more order and discipline will be associated with it. Less important goals are lower in the hierarchy of values and are associated with less discipline and more disorder. Losers mistakenly confuse being busy with being productive. They do everything except what aligns their values and their goals. Write down your goals and strategies for achieving those goals in your journal. This will help you better identify the values that best align with your goals.