shy businessman Trying to be good to everyone is a very bad idea for you personally. For others, you will become a convenient and comfortable person. But at the same time, you will always suffer because of this, receive unnecessary stress, and you should not hope that people will love you more for this or will answer you in kind if the need arises. Rather, your compliance and ability to sacrifice your interests for the sake of others will be exploited until you get tired of it. I went through this my own experience. Personally, I myself allowed other people to sit on my neck and I allowed them to guide me. It must be admitted that when you finally get rid of the habit of agreeing with everything and you have a clear understanding of your interests and when you begin to defend them and no longer strive to be convenient for everyone, then other people not only perceive this as normal (although for some it is don’t like it), many will respect you much more than before.
If you want to please others and expect gratitude in return, then disappointment may occur. You shouldn't expect any special gratitude (in general). Constantly seeking the approval of others is a bad career strategy, which in theory may work, but I don’t think you want to get a reputation as an opportunist, a sycophant, or anything like that. Moreover, people who try to please others are usually not very happy in the grand scheme of things. After all, they often sacrifice their interests for the sake of vague benefits.
To get rid of such a psychological slippage and stop being good to everyone, you must first understand that being good to everyone is, in principle, an impossible task. And setting such a goal is a big mistake.
Trying to please everyone will make you lose your personality.
It is impossible to please everyone: even if someone thinks you are a wonderful person, there will always be someone who will think differently. And you can’t do anything about it: there are so many people, so many opinions.
A person who tries to please everyone will end up losing his personality because he will forget about his own needs and desires.
Of course, you need to try to live in harmony with everyone, but you shouldn’t stop being yourself. Psychologists say that you should always be honest with yourself: if you don’t like doing something, if you don’t agree with something, first of all admit it to yourself. You shouldn't follow the lead of others.
Trying to please everyone, you can lose your “I”
If a person tries with all his might to please others, then he becomes a kind of victim , since he is entirely dependent on the opinions of others. Parents, friends, colleagues will always try to impose their opinions on you. Trying to please everyone and not disappoint anyone, you will lose your “I”, your personality . Always ask yourself what you want, not what others want, and do as you see fit. Even if you make a mistake, it will be your mistake, not someone else's.
Signs that you are trying to be nice to others:
- passive-aggressive behavior for no apparent reason. You do not openly protest, but you are annoyed that you are not doing what you want;
- you are not in the mood and you often walk around with a dissatisfied face.;
- you are in an excessive hurry for no obvious reason.
Act according to how you feel about the situation. There is no need to apologize for not being “as convenient for everyone” as before. At the same time, think before you do anything. As I wrote above, if you do not follow the instructions of your manager, he will do everything to fire you. Always think with your own head and do not forget about a sense of proportion in everything.
And if they start arguing with you, then it’s worth studying the article “how to defend your opinion and point of view.”
By pleasing others, you will depend on their opinions
If a person tries to please everyone, then he will take everything they think about him to heart. Criticism, even a minor remark from another person can unsettle him. Remember that other people's opinions are just that, opinions and should not always be taken seriously. By trying to adapt to those around you, you will live their life, not yours.
It's impossible to please everyone
Trying to please everyone is doomed to failure, since a person cannot control the thoughts, feelings and actions of other people. Evaluating oneself through the prism of public opinion, a person will turn into a hostage to those around him.
Should the opinion of those who will never help you in difficult times, who are indifferent to you, be considered important?
Do as you see fit, do not wait for the approval of others and approve of yourself. Remember that you will never be able to please everyone, even if you try your best.
Don't take other people's opinions to heart
“Good” people are often offended
Oddly enough, your attempts to constantly be “good” in the eyes of society can seriously irritate others. In addition, the desire to please everyone is the cause of stress, work overload, and resentment from people who have put the burden of their own affairs on you, which you have not coped with.
In fact, one study found that people dislike both extremes—people who are too selfish and people who are too nice. In particular, some participants in the experiment disliked overly generous participants because they “made them look bad.”
The purpose of my article is not to convince you that good people are worse than bad (the world is not divided into black and white), but to remind you: it is simply impossible to please everyone, so reduce your efforts in this matter and direct your energy to benefit yourself.
Love yourself as a person
Become your own best friend, and then you will no longer have the desire to please others. Make yourself a priority. Psychologists say that a person needs to love himself as an individual in order to stop depending on the opinions of others. To do this, you need to treat yourself with respect, praise yourself, stop criticizing yourself, and then you will no longer need external praise.
Realize that the only person there is and always will be in your life is you.
By building a harmonious relationship with yourself, you will stop filling holes in your self-esteem with the praise of other people.
Love yourself and then you will not depend on other people's opinions
Where does the need to be loved come from?
Most of those for whom universal love and acceptance are vitally important, in fact, struggle with problems that should be traced back to childhood. Such people may not even realize what motivates them.
Most likely, a person who strives to be loved certainly suffered from emotional neglect in childhood. He may have been a victim of emotional, verbal or physical abuse as a child. Such traumas can leave a long-term feeling that simply being ourselves is not enough, that in ourselves we are of no value, and this forces us to constantly seek the support and approval of others.
An unhealthy desire to be loved by everyone indicates an internal struggle with low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence, the triggers of which can be anything. For example, the prevalence of social networks only intensifies these feelings. Competition for “likes” increases inner anxiety in those who are tormented by an unhealthy need to be liked. The inability to obtain the desired approval can lead to worsening psychological problems - for example, driving you deeper into a state of depression.
What to do if a normal desire to be liked has grown into an obsessive need? Unfortunately, there is no quick solution. The journey to stop feeling unwanted, unloved, and even worthless whenever others don't like us may require support from loved ones and perhaps professional help. And, of course, task number one is to learn to love yourself.
How to stop pleasing everyone
- Give yourself the attitude that you don’t owe anyone anything. You did not come into this world to live up to anyone's expectations.
- Learn to say no. It is important to be able to say “no” without feeling guilty.
- Realize that you are rejecting some task or offer, and not the person himself, and then it will be easier for you to refuse.
- Don't let people take advantage of you: making them happy, entertaining them, helping them is not your responsibility.
- Remember that your time is very limited. Spend it only on people who are important to you.
- Learn to speak clearly and confidently. Stop being afraid that your refusal will sound impolite or rude.
Set boundaries with the outside world. Remember that every time you try to please someone, you are giving them a part of your life. By setting boundaries that others are not allowed to cross, you will take care of yourself. Turn on healthy selfishness and live your life!
Not all opinions are important to you
Why do you think all these people are so important to you? Why do you care what people, by and large, completely strangers to you, think about you?
Many of those around you, whose opinions you so extol, will never lend you a helping hand when you are in trouble. Well, some of them won't pick up the phone when you just need someone to talk to. So should their opinions be considered so important?
Listen to the opinions and comments of loved ones - those who really care about you. But the advice of all other comrades, who are nothing to you, just as you are to them, move into the background.
You are burdened with other people's experiences
Have you noticed that your boss's behavior affects your work? Do you get upset when your office neighbor is out of sorts?
People who try to please everyone are often influenced by the emotions of others. You can call this overkill with empathy. Of course, empathy is necessary and simply critical in a close work environment, but there is a reasonable limit beyond which it turns into veiled meddling. Learn to recognize when others really need words of encouragement and when they just need to be left alone. If a colleague is having a bad day and doesn’t want to talk to anyone, let him go for a walk around the office - this has nothing to do with you.
Paying attention to other people's feelings is good, but make sure that such “sympathy” does not interfere with your work and, of course, does not spoil your mood.
There will always be those who don't like your choice.
There is no solution, product or service that will satisfy everyone at once. For example, look at product reviews. Some say that they have never seen anything better in their life, and others say that this is money thrown away.
But even decisions that don't affect anyone else can still be judged. So, your mother may speak unkindly about your new job, or your friends may express dissatisfaction with your new relationship.
You can listen to their opinions and advice, but you don't have to make them happy.
Do you think you should always be happy and satisfied?
Being happy and feeling fulfilled is an internal state, but it can change. Usually this is noticed later, when fate strikes. People who assume that this is a natural state cannot properly evaluate satisfaction. Many people tend to take privilege and positivity for granted. This is why anxious states are perceived more strongly.
You always say yes
Do you often stay late after work? Do you take on tasks that should be done by others? As soon as everyone in the office finds out about your dependability, you will become a lifesaver for a bunch of lazy people.
If you work with people - especially those who are a little older - you will be amazed to find that their work magically flows to you. One of your favorite (and lazy) colleagues will definitely get to you and load you with their tasks. You don’t want to learn the word “no”? Then you will have to work hard for two (three, etc.).
Help others when really needed. An emergency situation can occur at any moment, requiring the connection of all available resources. However, if you start to notice that another employee is constantly pushing his work onto you and disciplinedly leaving the office on schedule, it’s time to take the initiative into your own hands. Learn to say NO firmly.
You agree when you disagree.
This is a common trait of people pleasers. Whether it's an office meeting, personal communication or business negotiations, you tend to agree with everyone. Of course, in some circumstances it is inappropriate to share personal opinions or political views. But you constantly give in, even if in your heart you are categorically against it.
If this seems to be the case for you, ask yourself a few questions:
- By supporting this particular opinion or decision, are you going against your own values?
- Does this concession undo the work you have previously done?
- What is more from this agreement - benefit or harm?
Have a negative attitude towards work
Anyone who goes to work with a negative attitude and only does what is necessary will not be happy either.
A negative attitude affects more than just your well-being. Your employer will notice this too. Not everyone will tolerate such an employee on their team.
Anyone who is unhappy at work and only works until absolutely necessary will not improve his situation. If you always get your work done on time and show enthusiasm, you will gain the trust of your superiors and get more benefits over time.
Nissan presented a version of the van and mobile office Office Pod
And who will get “Yeralash”: between whom will Grachevsky’s inheritance be distributed?
“Give up the notebook”: how to create a family budget to save more
You don't control your feelings
It turns out that controlling your feelings is something you can learn. Unfortunately, many people understand this wisdom too late.
If something doesn't go as planned, don't immediately panic or get angry. Stressful situations happen to us quite often in life. Anyone who loses their temper at every little thing simply cannot be happy at work.
People just love to criticize and judge others.
This is one of the most beloved human activities. No matter how good and wonderful you think you are, there will still be people who will criticize you for your appearance, your behavior or your views. It is impossible to be perfect in everything, and those around you are happy to cling to any of your shortcomings, mistakes or mistakes.
And no, people won't necessarily do this out of hatred or dislike for you, it's just that many people really enjoy criticizing others.
Nobody knows you better than yourself. So don't worry about the subjective assessments of others.
How does the People Pleaser archetype hinder you?
As a People Pleaser, you face the danger of allowing the thoughts, opinions, and needs of others to prevent you from pursuing your own dreams, passions, and goals.
Here are some ways this fear archetype can negatively affect you:
- You may ignore your own desires because you are worried and afraid of what others might think or say about you.
- You may follow a popular idea or point of view just to fit in because everyone else supports it.
- You may struggle with the urge to refuse to help someone because you realize you have little time to pursue your own goals and dreams.
- You can allow people to take advantage of your kindness and generosity, to “sit on your neck.”
- An irrational fear of letting people down may cause you to give in to the demands of others rather than stand up for yourself or use your own judgment.
- You may be more interested in being liked and approved by others than in achieving your own goals.
How to fight the desire to please
At some point, Mandy was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, she was too tired and did not get enough sleep. Soon she became seriously ill with the flu. Unable to get out of bed, Mandy listened to a self-care podcast and finally realized it was time to make a change.
Mandy started with a frank conversation with her husband. He was glad to hear that she wanted to take more time for herself. He said that he would always love his wife, even if she expressed a different point of view from his and did not agree with him. The woman was shocked.
Then she started saying “no,” gracefully getting out of situations in which she would have previously said “yes.” Mandy was stunned when everyone she interacted with seemed to understand her and no one was angry. As a result, the woman concluded that all the tension was in her head.
At work, Mandy stopped trying to smooth over any conflict and take on other people's work, and instead began to encourage colleagues to take the initiative to work independently, and also began to be stricter about her own boundaries when it came to her schedule.
Mandy putting her life and her desires first has been the biggest change for her. The woman still hasn’t found the courage to open a cafe, but her dream has become more real and closer.
Have unreasonably high expectations
People who set too high expectations for themselves will be disappointed if things don't go according to plan. People talk endlessly about how much they want different conditions, and yet they show up to the same workplace day after day.
After her father lost his job, a girl student got behind the wheel of an autorickshaw
The expert named common mistakes of bank card holders
Russian equipment predicted a sharp rise in price
If the professional situation does not meet expectations, actions must follow that will change the situation. If you only had six months to live, you would arrange your life exactly the way you want. So why don't you do it now, when you can count on much more time.
Don't forgive yourself for your mistakes
Mistakes can happen to anyone. However, you are one of those people who cannot forgive their own mistakes. You must learn from your mistakes, you must not burden yourself with them.
To achieve your goals, you need to be able to forgive yourself for making a mistake. Anyone who understands that a mistake does not mean the end of the world can recover from any setback. If you beat yourself up for any mistake, you create an obstacle yourself and become dissatisfied with your work.
