Coolness and indifference. How to become cold-blooded and indifferent

Each person who understands that he can develop any ability in himself has his own list of future qualities. If self-control isn't on your list, perhaps this article will help you not only understand the importance of this ability, but also help you develop it.

Although self-control has always been considered a truly masculine quality, it is also useful for women to develop it. A woman who has lost her composure evokes compassion and even love, while a man loses all respect. Sometimes loss of self-control is manipulation, it depends on the underlying motives. Nevertheless, women should develop this quality in themselves, if only because frequent loss of self-control is fraught with huge health problems. You can explain everything by choleric temperament and continue to kill yourself, but there are better options.

A nervous breakdown is a ticking time bomb, so let's figure out what it will cost you. It is worth mentioning that although loss of self-control does not at all mean a nervous breakdown, frequent loss of oneself weakens the psyche so much that with each new time you become closer to a nervous breakdown, and then you will experience it every time. With or without reason.

Self-control and its loss

Self-control is a person’s ability to maintain inner calm and not betray his inner values ​​in the most difficult emotional and critical situations. Losing self-control means giving in to emotions, exposing a raw nerve and betraying your inner self. If you ask the question of why to maintain self-control, the answer will be a list of negative aspects that follow its loss:

  • Feelings of guilt or shame
  • Loss of masculinity if you are a man
  • Nervous breakdown, hysteria
  • The lower the level of the irritating factor, the greater the discomfort of people who have witnessed a nervous breakdown
  • Loss of self-control can result in complete stupor. The man looks calm outwardly. This is the most dangerous type of nervous breakdown.
  • A break in a relationship with a person, a damaged item, burning of all bridges at work and social life, moral decline in the face of witnesses to the breakdown
  • If repeated frequently, a heart attack or weakening of the nervous system is possible.

Loss of self-control usually does not occur over a short period of time. This is a long process of accumulation of irritating factors. A person who cultivates self-control has the ability to dissolve the first signs of the first stimulus. In order to learn to dissolve a stimulus within yourself, you must first recognize it. The trouble with many people is that during the course of the day they accumulate many negative situations that they no longer even notice - they are automatically credited to your negative emotional account.

Those who have lost self-control describe this feeling as a red haze before their eyes. There is a complete loss of control over the entire body, the consciousness seems to be watching the body from the outside. In a person, the feeling of guilt and shame is mixed with bewilderment; he does not understand what happened. Realization comes later.

Are there any disadvantages to developed self-control? Of course, if you still don’t understand what it is and think that you can’t tolerate anything for a long time. Self-control is the constant nullification of irritants so that they do not accumulate. No one advises you to endure humiliation and bullying, just a nervous breakdown is the worst way to conduct a dialogue and solve problems. And simply irritation in any dialogue does not allow you to even follow the progress of the conversation. By losing your temper, you may even win a battle, but not a war. No one will do business with you anymore.

Landing on the Neva

The year was 1963. A Tu-124 plane with passengers on board took off from Tallinn airport. Even on takeoff, an emergency occurred - the landing gear jammed. The crew commander, Viktor Mostovoy, requested an emergency landing, but the fog that thickened over the city did not allow it to be made. He was offered to sit in Pulkovo, on a spare dirt runway (Leningrad). While emergency services were rushing to the intended landing site, the plane was circling at an altitude of 400 meters, running out of fuel. When nothing foreshadowed trouble, another unusual situation awaited the crew - the fuel meter turned out to be faulty. When the plane approached the eighth circle, the fuel supply ran out and the left engine stalled, and a couple of minutes later the second one, although the meters showed the presence of fuel.

Finding himself at a distance of 21 km from the airport, the 30-year-old commander of the airliner, maintaining his composure, made the only right decision - to land on the Neva without endangering the city. Having chosen the area between the Finlyandsky and Bolsheokhtinsky bridges, he delicately landed the plane ten meters from one of them. Having made an emergency landing on the river, he saved the lives of passengers and crew. The man's composure was amazing. However, eyewitnesses say: Mostovoy was the last to leave the liner, and everyone was amazed - in a few minutes he became completely gray.

So, there are two main indicators of composure: the presence of a stressful situation and the ability to maintain clarity of thinking, which made it possible not to succumb to panic, but to make the only correct decision in the current situation. We list the synonyms of this concept:

  • self-control;
  • calm;
  • presence of mind;
  • self-control;
  • excerpt.

Composure here is seen as a personality quality, a character trait that the crew commander possessed.

The benefits of developing self-control

By developing self-control, you will not only control your emotions, but also control the emotions of those close to you, instill confidence in them and prevent them from losing face. People really appreciate this quality.

Despite the fact that we all love to be emotional, there are a huge number of situations where it is necessary to be guided by cold calculations and have a steady hand. Emotions should have their time. Just because people pay more attention to highly emotional people doesn't mean they value them.

You gain power over other people. In any difficult emotional situation, when many are prone to panic, people instinctively look around and note the calmest person. Evolution tells them - follow him, he knows what to do. Even when a person is simply confused, he will notice your calmness and listen to you.

A person who has developed self-control is able to plan his actions in a difficult situation. At a time when others lose face, this person is aware of every action and knows what steps and words will be next. He remains himself in any situation.

Full control

Here is the golden rule that you should always remember.
If you want to understand how to become emotionless, you need to take control of all your emotions. How exactly to do this? There is no exact algorithm here. Just a few tips. First, choose a profession that forces you to suppress your emotions. For example, a doctor. There they will be able to teach you some things that will help bring our today's idea to life.

Various psychological courses and trainings are also a good way to control emotions. They are called “Emotions under control.” True, they teach more to restrain negativity. But similar principles can be interpreted for positive feelings.

In the end, try to keep everything good inside yourself and suppress it. Think: “Everything is bad.” And repeat this to yourself constantly. Even if everything is just great. Sooner or later you will notice how you have learned to control your emotions. In this case, all that remains is to always maintain a stony, emotionless face when communicating.

This is all. Just before you become cruel and insensitive, think carefully about whether you really need it. It will be more difficult to regain your emotions. Pain is always easier to endure than to drown out.

Sometimes people have a question - how to become evil.

The reason for this may be that others take advantage of their innate kindness, which causes a lot of inconvenience to the person.

Why does a person need willpower and how to cultivate it in oneself? Find out about this from our article.

How to develop your self-control



This meditation is always and everywhere. But what if it really is universal when it comes to any emotions. It will allow you to recognize, understand and feel your emotions. You will finally be able to wonder, “Oh, I feel grateful. What a pleasant feeling, I’ve never paid attention to it.” Negative emotions are much more difficult, but by taking 20 minutes a day, you can save a huge amount of money and time later. In the end, you will simply be surprised that you can experience several dozen emotions in one minute and how much it harms a clear mind.



If at first it’s difficult for you not to think about anything and sit with your eyes closed, just lie down, turn on your favorite music and lie down. Two times for 10 minutes a day is enough to bring emotions back to normal.


Love people

More than half of your irritations come from people making you angry and irritated. You can spend your whole life trying to re-educate them, or you can find the best in every person and be sincerely interested in them. Look at the person who always annoys you and ask a simple question: “Why?” Once you have your answer, ask the same question four more times. Surprisingly, you will most likely end up finding out that the reason for your irritation with this person is within yourself, something that can be easily eliminated if you constantly remind yourself of that very last answer. It's not your unlucky relative that irritates you, but the fact that you can't help him get back on his feet. He will still be your relative and you love him sincerely, the fact is that you don’t know how to help him. Perhaps you never even thought about it, he just annoyed you because he couldn’t get settled in life. Get to the bottom of the true, not superficial, cause of irritation.


Ignore external stimuli

A phone call annoys you not because it distracts you from work, but because you need to answer. You automatically pick up the phone, simply because someone called you. In many cases, this call will not change your life. If it’s annoying, don’t pick up the phone, call the person back when you realize you need it.

It’s worth doing the same with many other irritants, if you finally think about the fact that you can not react to them or minimize their impact. Headphones will help you concentrate on reading (music without words), reading annoying news surprisingly stops annoying you when you stop reading it.


Resetting the stimulus

As already mentioned, the main reason for loss of self-control is that irritants accumulate and there is a certain threshold, after crossing which you get a nervous breakdown. Therefore, if an unpleasant event for your nervous system occurs in the morning, do not ignore it (it has already penetrated inside), but work with it. Don't deal with important issues when you're angry about something. Think about getting rid of the irritation and only then move on.


Delay your reaction time

When a stimulus occurs, do not react automatically. This is especially important during conflict. Count to ten or take a couple of deep breaths. Only lower microorganisms react instantly to stimuli.

Always remember that loss of self-control is an unambiguous evil. If you are engaged in self-development, all this is meaningless if you do not know how to control your feelings and do not monitor your emotions. Self-development is, first of all, mental balance, and it is in this state that one can achieve great success in all endeavors.

Leave your comments and give examples of how losing your temper can ruin a life.

Why is it important to be calm?


Scientists have long figured out how the body works under stress. An unpleasant situation causes the adrenal glands to release cortisol into the blood. It increases the level of adrenaline in the blood, then the heartbeat accelerates and the consciousness becomes clouded. Internal changes lead to a loss of calm, a person stops thinking sensibly and makes mistakes.

Once cortisol begins to be produced, most other systems shut down. This can be explained in terms of evolution. At the moment when our distant ancestor encountered a saber-toothed tiger, he did not need an immune system or sexual instinct. If at this moment the body did not react instantly, but continued to spend energy on metabolism, its owner would most likely become lunch.

Modern stressful situations rarely directly threaten life, but cortisol still regularly enters the blood, sometimes causing an excessively violent reaction. If events that cause negative emotions occur from time to time, it’s not so bad. It's worse when the stress response becomes chronic. If a person is unable to remain calm when faced with stress, then unpleasant consequences cannot be avoided:

Health problems

It's not just about thinned nerves. All body systems are affected, including cardiovascular, endocrine and reproductive systems. Your appearance also suffers: nails become brittle, hair loses its shine and thins. A typical reaction of the body to stress is psychosomatic disorders: weakness, tics, headaches without identified causes.

Social problems

In chronic stress, it is difficult to maintain a favorable emotional climate in the family and at work. A boss who lashes out at his team ultimately has a bad impact not only on his subordinates, but also indirectly on relationships in their families.

Loss of rational (logical) thinking

Unfortunately, one of the systems that is suppressed under stress is critical thinking. When an unprepared person is overcome by a strong emotion fueled by cortisol (fear, panic or rage), the body will try to get rid of the problem. That’s why you so often see rude bosses and boors in queues.

How to stay calm when it's Monday, a deadline, or a cold day?

How to treat everything more simply and calmly, because everyone is familiar with such situations: “the whole team was beating the main demon and then... the mouse malfunctioned. Lost. About her wall, the traitor!”, “My beloved did not answer the second call in a row. Again, no one knows what he does at his stupid job. To hell with him, and his gifts, and this tenth iPhone! Oh, I crashed... And my loved one is calling...", etc. etc.


Being a drama queen/king is a beautiful thing. Gracefully throw away equipment and dishes, effectively slam doors, drive at speed, yell about the best years, in the end. Hair in the wind, face like a brick and into the sunset... And let the guilty ones catch up, apologize, beg. That’s how it all works in TV series, by the way.

It’s just that in real life nuances appear. The new iPhone, the main one for the props, doesn’t immediately show up, the circle of friends is gradually narrowing, and the last friend already looks like DiCaprio in the movie “The Revenant”.

Maybe it's worth slowing down? Figure out how to approach everything more simply and calmly. And most importantly, why is this needed? Maybe at least grandma’s family set will survive the next time her son brings a deuce or cigarettes.


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Composure is a concept that has both positive and negative meanings.

  • As a personality trait, it is characteristic of people who are able to make informed, adequate decisions in situations of stress. The latter refers to the body’s tension (from the English stress – tension), its nonspecific reaction to external unfavorable factors.
  • In a negative context, cold-bloodedness is seen as the ability to commit cruel acts against other people or animals without showing any emotion.

To better understand, let’s look at both concepts with examples and select synonyms for each.

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