How to Say No: 9 Ways to Firmly But Politely Refuse

One of the most common difficulties is having to turn people down. And although situations often arise at work in which, due to your professional responsibilities, you simply cannot say “no,” other circumstances will arise from day to day that provide you with a certain freedom of choice. How to exercise your right to say “no” and correctly formulate a refusal?

How beautiful, harmless, and intelligent it is to refuse people their requests: tips, recommendations, examples

Of course, very often after refusals people do not want to communicate or reduce possible communication.
But you shouldn’t be upset, because you will have really good friends and decent acquaintances who are used to not taking advantage of people, but being friends with them. You shouldn’t refuse too harshly if you like the person and plan to communicate with him. Try to be as correct and friendly as possible, ask for forgiveness. Say that, unfortunately, you are unable to lend often due to financial difficulties. Ask for forgiveness, and also say that you value communication with this person. If this is your good colleague who really helps you often, but due to circumstances you cannot help him, explain the situation. Tell him that you value his help, knowledge and would love to help, but unfortunately, in this situation you cannot do this.

Here are a few phrases that will help you soften the refusal:

  • I see that it is not at all easy for you, but unfortunately, I cannot solve your problem.
  • I'm very sorry that this happened, but unfortunately I can't help.
  • I really want to help you, but I can’t because I have planned dinner with my loved one for tomorrow.
  • Unfortunately, I am not able to agree now, because I will be busy on the weekend.
  • I need to think about it, I can tell you later.

Correctly refuse
The last refusal option is only suitable for people who are waiting for an answer now. They can't wait, so they simply won't contact you in the evening or the next day. You can refuse using a compromise.

For example:

  • I will help you if you help me.
  • I will help you make a presentation, but only on Saturday from 10:00 to 12:00. This is the time I will have freely.

You can also refuse diplomatically. Diplomats usually never say yes or no. They say: let's talk about it or discuss it.

For example, don’t refuse abruptly, but tell me I can help you in some other way. Unfortunately, I can’t help you now, but I have an acquaintance or friend who might want to help you.

We politely refuse

As you can see, it is quite easy to refuse a person. The main task is not to offend him. If you are interested in friendship, in communicating with this person, try to refuse as politely as possible, or offer something in return. It is possible to offer your help in some other way.

Try to find something that you personally can be useful in

fizkes/Getty Images Pro

You have been denied something that is important and of particular interest to you. Your interlocutor is not to blame for this - after all, he has completely different interests

. In further conversation, if possible, try to find out what needs your interlocutor has.

Ideally, it would be nice for your counterpart to first receive from you a confident and unshakable “yes, I can help you in this matter”

After this, you need to find a convenient moment
to return to your request.
State it again, adding something like - “I would be extremely grateful if you would meet me halfway.
This will help me free up time and resources to resolve your issue .

And for this technique to work, always prepare for such meetings in advance. It is more appropriate to ask for something or express your desires to someone

when you yourself have something to offer your interlocutor. Then the probability of a positive outcome of the negotiations increases many times over.

Ability to handle different forms of refusal

There are several simple ways that can help on how to refuse a person culturally and without offending him. The most banal, but at the same time the most effective, is to refer to your own employment, especially if this corresponds to reality. In some cases, an acquaintance or colleague may go ahead and ask for one, that is, when you have free time. Experts recommend not giving immediate consent, but warning: it is possible that after finishing the first case, you will have a second, third, and so on.

If the person asking is particularly persistent, you can set a condition for him, for example: “I help you with this, and you do this for me, because otherwise I simply won’t be able to find the time to help you.” This is called “properly killing two birds with one stone.” An acquaintance receives what he asked for; you do not lose anything, and, most importantly, warm relations remain between you.

Refusing does not mean offending

In some cases, you can say a firm “no” without excuses or explanations - when a request is made by an unfamiliar or not very close person. In such situations, even apologizing is not necessary, especially if we are talking about some burdensome or unpleasant things. Tactless individuals may begin to ask to explain the reason for the refusal, but they do this completely unreasonably: you are an adult and should not be accountable to strangers who are not even your friends or relatives. As a last resort, the answer “I can’t help you due to personal circumstances” is acceptable, without detailed explanations.

When someone close to you asks for a favor, of course, it is more difficult to answer the request negatively, but even here there are several options for how to refuse a loved one without offending him. For example, you can say that you simply do not understand the question that is being asked to you, or that you are afraid of solving the problem poorly or incorrectly, because you do not have enough knowledge, experience, or competence. Well-mannered people will never impose a complex matter and will try to turn to someone else who is better versed in the subject.

The main thing is not to give in to persuasion

Sometimes the person asking tries to persuade him to agree in every possible way - through persuasion, entreaties and even blackmail. Once you follow a lead, you will forever open a “loophole” that will be used by unscrupulous acquaintances. With such people you need to behave decisively, and not be afraid to offend them with a refusal: they, in turn, do not think at all about your feelings, and about what they can do to you that is unpleasant.

Psychologists even highlight the point that a request can correctly say a lot about a person: about his character, principles, rules of life. Perhaps a rude request will become a kind of “litmus test” that will make you think about whether you need to continue communicating with this individual.


Of course, not all requests should be refused; It is important to distinguish between the empty whims of others and truly important requests. In some situations, it is difficult to immediately determine how complex and time-consuming the task will be, and whether it is feasible at all

Experts recommend not to agree instantly, but to take time to think, that is, refuse the person, but temporarily. It is enough to state that you now have more important things to do, and only then, in a calm and peaceful atmosphere, think through all the details of the request and make the right decision.

If it turns out to be quite simple, you can meet halfway, but in the case when it comes to an unpleasant or too difficult issue, you can again culturally refer to being busy or directly declare your reluctance to help, since this will take too much time and effort, so necessary for solving your own issues.

Video response on the topic “How to refuse and not become an enemy” from the “Success” program

Partial "no"

Learning to refuse people without offending them seems difficult at first, but over time, the ability to culturally say a reasoned and firm “no” can become part of your character, freeing up time for more pleasant activities - walks with friends, activities with children, meetings with loved ones. For those who cannot instantly transform from a universal “helper” into a person capable of tactfully refusing, experts recommend learning to do this gradually.

For example, when asked by a neighbor to walk her dog, there are three acceptable responses for “beginners”:

  • only on certain days of the week
  • only in good weather
  • just no more than 15 minutes

On the one hand, you agreed to help, on the other, you took into account your interests and chose the most acceptable conditions for yourself.

Take a break

After listening to your interlocutor’s refusal, it doesn’t always make sense to resort to various tricks in an attempt to screw

in the subsequent conversation, ask again. Instead, it is recommended to let go of the situation for a while, taking a kind of respite.

Prostock-Studio/Getty Images

The next time you meet with someone whose consent you are interested in, try to find a good moment to restate your

your request. Please follow the other tips outlined in this article.

Interesting psychological moment

– many people often find it simply awkward to refuse the same request twice!

How to refuse requests for money

If a person comes to ask for a loan, but you do not have the financial capabilities or you know about his unreliability, then you need to think about how to answer so that the interlocutor does not get the impression that you are simply squeezing for money.

  1. Say that you yourself are looking for someone to borrow from, because it was a difficult month, a lot of money was spent on celebrating birthdays and gifts for relatives.
  2. Say that you plan to start renovations tomorrow, so all the money is spent on buying building materials.
  3. You need to repay the loan, all funds go towards this.
  4. Say that you give your salary to your wife or husband, but it’s difficult to beg your partner for at least some finances.
  5. If you are planning to go abroad, money is vitally important.
  6. We planned to buy a gift for our wife, which requires large financial expenses.
  7. If a person previously borrowed, but never repaid his debt, this is how you can justify your refusal.
  8. Invite the person to take out a loan from a bank; it will be better if you recommend a place with low interest rates.
  9. If a person does not need money specifically, but some kind of help, for example, he needs money for a taxi to go to the hospital, offer him a ride. If you don't have money for food, share your food. If he is left without a job, tell him where he can turn or offer an option for making money online.

For work

  1. If you don’t want to do someone else’s work, know how to refuse.
  2. If a colleague’s request is not very big, and you will spend a minimum of time to help him, help. If a person simply sits on his head and wants the assigned tasks to be carried out for him, it is better to refuse him this as gently as possible.
  3. Tell them that you have too many things to do, that you are overwhelmed, that you do not have time to complete the assigned tasks. Encourage the person to plan their time so that they are freed up to complete all tasks.

If your boss wants to send you on a business trip, you can refuse him if you don’t want to.

The main thing is to do it politely and carefully

  1. If there are children, tell them that there is no one to pick them up from kindergarten, or no one to sit with them.
  2. Tell them that your parents are sick and they need your care and supervision, daily visits.
  3. Tell your boss that you have an unfinished project hanging over you and you need to complete it rather than go on a business trip.
  4. If you do not have a foreign passport or it has already expired, and they want to send you abroad, tell them about it.
  5. If travel allowances are paid after the fact, say that you do not have money for the trip.

There is no need to rush to answer. First, consider all the pros and cons of your help. Is the proposal voiced dangerous for you, why exactly did you decide to refuse?

It is important that the arguments spoken are significant. Refuse when you are decisive and absolutely confident in your words. Remember to be firm, but not cruel at the same time. Try not to lie, but to find really existing arguments. Start your answer with a compliment. Tell me how pleased it is that a friend turned to you

Explain that for some reason you cannot follow his offer. If a friend asks for some task to be completed now, you can ask to reschedule it until the next day, if later you can actually fulfill the request. There is no need to be rude or respond aggressively. Don't use irritating words. End the dialogue with a phrase that does not indicate problems in your relationship, so that your interlocutor does not have a bad aftertaste after your conversation.

Don’t be afraid to refuse people; first of all, you need to think about yourself. At the same time, you shouldn’t be a callous cracker and push everyone away from you. If you are able to help in some way without harming yourself, it is better to help. Who knows, maybe next time you will need someone's help.

What are the reasons why we often cannot refuse a person? Why is it important to learn to say no? How to do this without offending your interlocutor or feeling guilty? If you want to know the answers to all these questions, then this article is just for you! HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON.


You can't rudely refuse someone's request.

Let's look at how you shouldn't refuse a request and what actions are unacceptable.

  1. Speak indistinctly, turn away from the interlocutor’s gaze. So your friend will decide that you are trying to get away from him and leave as quickly as possible.
  2. Talk a lot and quickly. This may make it seem like you are lying, even if you are telling the truth.
  3. It takes too long to apologize. Even if you are truly consumed by a feeling of guilt, you do not need to demonstrate it, otherwise your interlocutor will get the impression that this is really your fault.
  4. It's rude to refuse.
  5. Give too many arguments. It is better to choose the highest priority ones.
  6. Do not promise mountains of gold, do not give false hope to others, wasting on your answer.

What type of people are you? HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON

Sometimes it seems that all people can be divided into two groups - those who can clearly, politely and confidently say “no” in any uncomfortable situation and those who, doubting the correctness, always agree to the requests of colleagues, friends, neighbors and relatives.

The first group of people, as a rule, are more confident in themselves, express their point of view more clearly, and emerge victorious from verbal battles. We can say about the second group that they cannot defend their opinion, they are less confident, but they always come to the rescue, help out, lend money, work overtime, walk someone’s dog or babysit someone else’s child, etc.

They console themselves with the thought: “Who, if not me?” or “What then are friends for?” They are embarrassed, uncomfortable, ashamed to refuse or even silently shake their heads negatively. HOW TO CORRECTLY REFUSE A PERSON

Where do reliable people come from?

From childhood, at school and at home, we were taught to be good. They taught him to help his elders, support his younger ones, please his loved ones with good behavior, and study with excellent marks. All these instructions do not resonate with the truth. It was they who formed us into full-fledged members of society with moral qualities and the ability to compassion. However, in the subconscious of trouble-free people, the need to help was based not on a natural desire to do this, but on a feeling of guilt.

The roots of the problem, as is the case in the vast majority of cases, are in the past. Once upon a time, parents and other senior mentors, guided by a harmless desire to form a highly moral personality in their child, made a mistake. They inspired the little man that by refusing to lend a helping hand, he would become bad, unwanted, rejected. Such a program is another manipulative lever based on fear. Growing up, such a person helps, as if under pressure, sacrificing his interests, principles, plans and time. Having no real threat, he continues to be afraid, so he becomes easy money for manipulators who shamelessly sit on his neck.

Stopping this self-torture is possible and vital. By ceasing to say “yes” where it is necessary to cut off a decisive “no,” you will throw off the burdensome burden of other people’s problems from your shoulders and begin to look at the world more confidently.

How beautiful, harmless, and intelligent it is to refuse people their requests: tips, recommendations, examples

It's no secret that refusing is psychologically difficult, inconvenient, and often there is simply no time. Do it gently, say what you think, or refuse in such a way that your colleague will feel sorry for you. Perhaps you just think that you will greatly offend the person asking or even destroy your relationship. Refuse firmly, but not harshly. I can’t give you this amount of money...” Don’t flirt, try to speak confidently and calmly.

This way you will show your interest in the life events of your interlocutor. Avoid using phrases with the pronoun “you” (“you” - messages): “YOU are asking me again...”, “YOU always find yourself in such situations...”.

Moreover, it is not at all necessary to refuse in a rude manner. For example, the same diplomats try not to say “yes” or “no,” replacing them with the words “Let’s discuss this.” If a work colleague constantly asks you for help, there is no need to sharply refuse. Learning to refuse politely is a good way to set and maintain healthy boundaries. If you pride yourself on caring and sacrificing for others, you will feel uncomfortable when they say no.

How to politely refuse someone

There are three main refusal techniques, which will be discussed in detail below.

Refuse without saying no

Sometimes, the simpler and more accessible the response to a request is formulated, the faster the futility of his demands will become clear to the petitioner. A simple refusal consists of saying the word “no.” However, for many it is difficult to refuse directly, or the chain of command does not allow this. In these cases, it is worth using the soft refusal technique.

Soft refusal

The use of this method allows us to somewhat smooth out the severity of the refusal. To politely refuse people, at the first stage it is necessary to show attentiveness and courtesy to the applicant. If his question is not entirely clear, it is necessary to clarify everything he did. What if there is still an opportunity to help him? If this is not possible, then you need to gently say that this matter is in the competence of another person, and you do not have time and you will not be able to help. It is definitely worth emphasizing that if you refuse, you are very sorry. You need to prepare for the fact that the petitioner will begin to press for pity or threaten. In this situation, under no circumstances should you enter into controversy, but only repeat the refusal.

Mixed failure

This method is somewhat reminiscent of the technique of working with customer objections when selling. Using this method, you can repel even the most capable manipulator. The only condition is complete calm during the conversation and a firm intention to defend your point of view. When communicating with a persistent petitioner, it is very effective to repeat his last phrases - this is one of the methods of how to refuse without saying no. The thing is that repetitions make it clear to the manipulator that the refusal is not due to the fact that the person did not understand the request.

When you refuse, you must always remember that by making such a decision, you are only defending your own opinion, and are not violating anyone’s rights at all.

Original ways to say no

Sometimes nothing helps, a person does not understand normal words. You'll have to use cunning:

  • Move on to a conversation about money. Ask the fan about his salary, where he works and who he works for. Then show your dissatisfaction with a small salary or an inexpensive car. Sigh languidly as you pass jewelry displays;
  • Pretend to be a stupid chatterbox, guys don't like them. Tell him what you discussed with your friend yesterday about cosmetics, dresses and a handsome neighbor. Don't let us get a word in;
  • Openly ignore its existence. On a date, answer his questions randomly, call your girlfriends and mom while walking with him in the park;
  • Tell us what a big family you have: five children, a bedridden mother and an elderly grandfather. Nobody needs such a convoy.

One of these options will definitely frighten an annoying man; miracles do not happen.

Rejection is hard

It is important to always remember that the best way to refuse a person is to behave with maximum attention, kindness and respect. Behave the way you try to behave in other situations

You may encounter some resentment and anger along the way, however, if you are kind, everything will work out as best as possible for everyone.

Olga Vorobyova | 9.10.2015

| 8983

Olga Vorobyova 10/9/2015 8983

If you don't want to or can't fulfill a friend or relative's request, say one of these phrases. They will help you politely refuse anyone.

I honestly admit: before I didn’t know how to say “no” to people. I helped everyone who asked: friends, second cousins, random fellow travelers, “neighbors” in the grocery line. Their requests were not always easy to fulfill, and often caused me inconvenience.

One day I realized that I needed to learn to say “no.” And if over time I began to refuse strangers without remorse, then with friends and relatives things were more complicated - they could be offended by me because of the refusal.

As a result, through trial and error, I formulated phrases that will help refuse relatives and friends, and do it as politely as possible. Perhaps these words will be useful to you too.

Your offer is extremely tempting, but I can’t do it yet

This phrase is suitable, for example, if family friends invited you and your husband to relax with tents, but you really don’t want to go into the forest because of annoying mosquitoes and lack of hot water. And in general, this type of vacation has not interested you for a long time (probably since you studied at the university).

But you are afraid that refusal will entail unpleasant consequences: your friends will no longer offer you not only a vacation with tents, but also will not invite you to the theater or to fun family gatherings.

I consider this polite form of refusal to be the most successful: you let your friends know that you are happy with their offer, but explain that circumstances are preventing you.

This type of refusal can only be applied a few times. Otherwise, your friends will suspect something is wrong. However, I see two ways out of this situation: admit that you don’t like camping or remember your youth and still take a risk.

I would lend you money, but I have negative experience

Often we have to refuse friends or relatives when they ask to borrow large sums of money. Let me give you an example from life: I always helped my sister out if she didn’t have enough money to buy food before payday. But when she asked me to lend her funds to buy a new car, I tensed up. Yes, I had some savings, but at that time I was planning to go on vacation with the whole family. But my sister most likely would not have managed to return the money on time.

I had to refuse my loved one by saying this phrase. I referred to a real story when a close friend did not pay me back. She disappeared and even changed her phone number. I lost both friendship and money.

My sister understood me and after refusing, she decided to buy a cheaper car. So everyone was a winner.

I can't help you, but I will do it for you...

If you cannot or do not want (by the way, you have every right) to do what a friend or relative asks you to do, you can refuse him just like that. The main thing is to offer a nice bonus in exchange for your refusal.

One day, a friend asked me to bring her a bag of potatoes from the dacha. By that time we had already distributed all the excess supplies. I refused her, but invited their whole family to try my new dish -

Saying “no” correctly

General rules for polite refusal:

  1. Before refusing, consider whether the request is really difficult for you to fulfill. Weigh the pros and cons.
  2. When refusing, don't joke or smile. Speak firmly and confidently.
  3. Try to justify your refusal (unless, of course, your arguments do not offend the person).
  4. When refusing, do so by saying that you are very pleased that the person turned to you for help.
  5. Offer a friend or relative a way out of the current situation.
  6. Avoid words with a negative connotation: “mistake,” “problem,” “failure,” “misconception.”

If it is easy for you to fulfill a request, do what your loved one asks you to do. After all, someday you will have to turn to him for help.

How not to refuse

When refusing a person, you should do it confidently and clearly. If you start fussing or your refusal sounds uncertain, then they may not understand you and will continue to insist on their own. Even if you are already tired of the requests, you should remain mutually polite and not get personal.

You cannot agree and then simply not comply with the request. To do this is, to say the least, unsightly. This behavior characterizes you as an irresponsible and superficial person, which can negatively affect the attitude of others.

The ability to refuse and say “no” in a timely manner is important. Don’t burden yourself with doing other people’s overwhelming tasks.

It is better to spend time and internal strength on achieving your goals and objectives. However, you should remember that you cannot constantly refuse, because someday you may need help too.

How to properly refuse someone

To help or not - that is the question. On the one hand, the request may be another act of disrespect and laziness on the part of a colleague. On the other hand, a person has really important things to do. Any situation can be viewed in two ways.

On the one hand, a colleague asks her to do her work for her, while she goes about her personal business. Isn't it impudence? Or does she think that her affairs are more important than yours? You are also busy - you made an appointment for a manicure.

But there is another side. Colleague is raising her son alone

And on this day he has an important parent-teacher meeting at school. Maybe we should agree and help? Moreover, she will only be gone for a couple of hours.

The first thing to do is decide if you really can't help? Good deeds come back. And it’s also nice. But if the situation is different and you need to refuse in order to get a negligent colleague off your neck, try not to hurt feelings.

How to politely refuse a person’s request without offending:

  • Emotions only get in the way. Be guided by dry facts.
  • If you have made a decision, don't hesitate.
  • Refuse so that they don’t try to persuade you.
  • Use the magic “because.”
  • Speak confidently.
  • Say you're sorry, ask if there's anything else you can do to help.
  • Offer another option as an alternative.
  • Try to change the conversation, ask about something distant.

These rules will help you stop making a problem out of refusal. There are other ways.

Remind yourself what it will cost you

Every refusal must be justified. If you are a conscientious person and refuse a glass of water to a “dying person,” this will torment you. It is possible that the situation will soon turn around, and you will find yourself in the place of the one who was refused.

The other side is that you may lose the person's trust.

If this is your friend and he really cares about what he is asking for, the argument should be reinforced concrete

“Sorry, I don’t have any money right now, we bought an air conditioner on credit. There are 4 acres left until salary.” “I would go to a party with you, but I’m currently treating sinusitis, on antibiotics

And I don’t feel well.” “No, it won’t be possible to change. Mom is coming, I have to be at the station in an hour


Coming up with such arguments is difficult. Psychologists say that only people with mental disabilities can lie well. Don't take it if you're not sure. And you shouldn’t refuse small things if you risk losing something bigger.

Trust your intuition

People do not always voice the true reasons when making requests. Look carefully at the person. Does he contact you often? Have you asked for such services before? What does he need 500 rubles for? What if you're on medication? Or for groceries? Or a ticket to see your family?

Subconsciously, you will feel whether the person’s situation is important. But in any case, ask what the problem is. This is respect, interest in a person. There are so few people in the world who are interested in others. Even if you cannot help, you will listen and give advice. And this is a lot.

Suggest an alternative

How to refuse gracefully: options for alternative help

  • “Today I won’t be able to replace you, it’s a very important meeting. But I can ask Natasha. Let's try"?
  • “I would love to go with you, but today it won’t work out at all. He promised to help his wife. I heard this band is performing tomorrow. Maybe we can reschedule?
  • “I don’t have any money now, I’m broke. I sometimes re-borrow from Katya until payday. Try to contact her, she won’t refuse.”

Show that you are ready to resolve the issue. But a little differently.

Delegate to someone

Instead of looking for options on how to politely refuse, look for better ways to help the person. If something will save the world, it will not be beauty, but rather kindness. Beautiful people are everywhere. But you won’t find good ones during the day with fire. Be kinder. There are always options. Think about how to solve the problem with which you were approached. And do your best. Think about who can help the person instead of you. Ask yourself to participate in the fate of the one who trusted you.

For whom should an exception be made?

There are several categories of clients who should not be refused . It will cost you more. It happens that a direct loss from one transaction is more than compensated for by indirect profits. Here are a few such examples.

1. Serious corporate client who takes in large volumes. For example, let's say you sell floor cleaner. The purchase price is 10 rubles per bottle. For retail buyers, you make a 50% markup and offer them 15 rubles. And suddenly a company appears on the horizon, ready to buy the product by the carload. But at 9 rubles - below the purchase price. Your manager, who is not prepared for such a turn of events and does not have the information, immediately refuses the deal. It’s clear that you can’t trade at a loss. And he makes a fatal mistake.

The essence of the error is this. Your supplier sells the product for 10 rubles, provided that you buy 5 packs per month. If you take 500 packs, he will happily reduce the price to 8 rubles. Buy 5000 packages - the cost will be close to the purchase price. This is how the market works. As a result, with a B2B client, and with his volume of purchases, you can make much more profit than with a retail one . Explain to managers that such things need to be agreed upon personally with you and not make decisions on their own. But under no circumstances should you refuse outright.

2. Status image client. If suddenly Sberbank wants to buy your detergent, God forbid you refuse such a deal. Just the mention of a leading credit institution in a portfolio or reviews can attract hundreds of clients. If you work with companies of this level, then you are almost equal. Sberbank itself trusts you - what recommendation could be even better? For such clients it is easy to suffer losses. Within reasonable limits, of course. Among managers of large brands there is such a sin: “Be glad that we are working with you at all. This cooperation is more profitable for you than for us. That’s a lot of PR.” Therefore, be more careful.

3. Just a good and loyal customer. Surely there is one among your clients. He always leaves good reviews on reputable resources, even if he just bought headphones for his MP3 player. Sends links from email newsletters to friends. Or maybe he even films reviews of your product and posts them on YouTube. It would be a sin to refuse such a person. Don’t forget: in addition to direct profit from the buyer, there is also indirect profit. If you spare him a penny discount, you risk losing a dozen potential clients. Don't do this.

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