How to get a guy out of the friend zone and start dating a girl

The friend zone is a mysterious place where unlucky lovers find themselves. It's easy to get into, but very difficult to get out of. The friend zone has become the butt of many jokes, but in reality it is very sad to be friends with the person you love without the right to anything more. The situation is not always so hopeless. In almost half of the cases, a way out of the friend zone can be found if you have the courage to take the first step and act correctly.

Friendzone - who is she?_8212

And yet, what is the friend zone? There is no friendship between the sexes. There are common interests and equality of relationships, but over time someone will begin to feel something more than friendly warmth. Most often this happens to men. Friendship and communication are born.

Then sympathy appears, the young man shows all signs of attention. The girl also understands that he is not indifferent to her and begins to take advantage of this state of affairs. As a result, the young man fully courtes the girl, and in return she only gives a drop of hope for something more.

General recommendations

It is important to understand that it is not always possible to leave the friend zone. The basis of love is unity of interests, worldview, plans for life and physical attraction. Chemical attraction occurs in the first minutes of acquaintance; within seconds we understand whether a close relationship with this person is possible or not. And only then does the conscious part turn on, which evaluates mental similarity. If sexual attraction arose on one side, then there are two options: redirect it and maintain friendship or leave the relationship.

Sometimes friends themselves do not realize that there is love between them. Then Arthur Aron's method will help. Invite a friend to play a fun game, and then everything will easily and naturally fall into place. Perhaps this is the method that will help you get out of the friend zone.

If there was an incident of rapprochement (a kiss other than a friendly one, an intimate relationship), after which you were again sent to the friend zone, then it is better to end the relationship. Something between friendship and love causes even more pain than the dry friend zone.

Inaccessibility generates more interest. If a man or girl offers friendship with expanded opportunities (intimacy, kissing), you should not agree. It is necessary to clearly indicate: if friendship, then without sexual overtones; if intimacy, then only in a love relationship.

Zone types

An obvious friend zone is when a girl immediately decided to dot all the i’s and, out of respect, explained to her “friend” that he cannot count on anything more than he already has. But still she does not stop taking advantage of her “friend’s” reliability. This can happen after admitting feelings or making any attempts to express them.

The hidden friend zone is dangerous because you can spend a lot of time there, wasting it. During this time, you can build a healthy and mutual relationship with another person, and not pray for your unrequited chosen one.

Self respect

When falling in love, a woman can look at her lover with a veil over her eyes, not noticing his negative sides. It is for this reason that women often fall in love with rowdies, cheaters, psychopaths, drunks, womanizers and so on... . And these men are only happy to take advantage of such young ladies.

In most cases, when sending a girl to the friend zone, guys label her as an “object for intimate relationships.” For a guy, this is a natural reaction to satisfy desires, receive benefits, and the like... Therefore, it is very important to respect yourself and not lose your honor because of short-term pleasure. If you refuse a guy intimacy and he pulls away, this is a direct sign that you are indifferent to him.

Approach the situation wisely. If you are satisfied with circumstances where you are only a sex partner, then you are the same selfish person as your lover. But from such an interaction, you risk losing not only your lover, but also a good friend.

Why does this happen?2

The main reason for the emergence of friend zones for men is the different goals for developing relationships between men and women. The main goal of all relationships is reproduction. Natural attraction to the opposite sex is inherent in us by nature. There's no getting around this.

The goal of a relationship for men is to leave as many offspring as possible. A man is not guided by any mental abilities, logic or experience of previous relationships. For him, the main thing is the maximum attractiveness of the object. Here, of course, everyone has their own criteria for attractiveness; a man’s possibilities in the assigned task are limitless.

The greater the trace of genetic code he leaves in women, the greater his chances of fulfilling his duty to nature. Of course, now this instinct is being pushed into the framework of modern society. But, nevertheless, the selection process remained at the disposal of genes and Mother Nature. If you like it, you will be mine.

The goal of a woman’s relationship is the highest quality of the offspring born. Since she is limited by the number of children she can bear, it is important for her to choose a male suitable for this purpose. The easiest way is to surround yourself with potential partners and choose the best one by elimination.

A woman’s task is to seduce everyone from whom she is going to choose. This is where the danger lies; those who do not pass the selection end up in the friend zone. Unlike men, women have to think and use as much ingenuity as possible to achieve what they want. Having a woman like you (as in the case of a man) outwardly is not considered a victory.


Don't try to look like someone you're not. Beauty is in simplicity. I can recommend you the excellent book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” Thanks to her, you will gain knowledge that will help you understand what a man wants. Show concern at the right moment, listen when necessary. A confidential heart-to-heart conversation will have a good effect on strengthening the connection.

Many people, including some psychologists, advise showing coldness towards a potential partner, supposedly forcing him to take the initiative in conquering a woman. But the reality is that severity will most likely push your chosen one away from you, and the manifestation of tenderness, on the contrary, will bring you closer. Men also want to hear compliments addressed to them.


  • Indulge in compliments, but only to the point.
  • There is no need to say every minute that the guy is the best, the kindest, and so on. This will inflate your self-esteem, and you risk being devalued, which plunges you into even stronger friendships.
  • After giving a compliment, change the topic of conversation as if it was given casually.

Don't get too caught up in the act of being in love; instead, be polite, respectful, and supportive.

How to make a guy think about you: life advice from women

How to get caught 3

Most often, people who end up in the friend zone are those who understand that they do not have reciprocal feelings for them, but they warm themselves with the hope that their chosen one has just a little time left to see how wonderful, kind and sympathetic he is. He tries with all his might to be good and runs at the first call to the object of his dreams. Such people are stupidly taken advantage of. It's comfortable. They will never be appreciated.

Women choose men according to three main criteria:

  1. Reliability,
  2. Force,
  3. Courage.

If a man wants to show how kind, caring, attentive and charming he is, he finds himself in the exclusion zone. When choosing a mate, women associate these qualities with defenselessness and willingness to submit. And she must obey, she is a woman. This choice is made more at the subconscious level. Because women always include “kind” and “charming” in their list of ideal men.

What is the friend zone for girls, read in our article further on the link.

A few words about the possible consequences

Experts say that the situation can develop in two scenarios:

  1. After a man or woman begins to protest friendly relations, the partner thinks about it. In the process of reflection, he may realize that a friend or girlfriend means much more to him. A romantic relationship begins.
  2. Winning the heart of a partner if you add him to your friends list is not so easy. The opinion is formed from the very beginning. A person who, by some standards, does not live up to a lover, even though it is pleasant to spend time with him, automatically goes into the friend zone. That is, one partner hopes for the development of the relationship, while the other instills hope, but does not make specific promises. When a friend tries to move to a shorter distance, the connection completely stops.

The consequences can be dire if defeated. It is quite difficult to accept failure, to find the strength to stop loving, to start a new life. Strong people quickly cope with the situation.

Pull yourself out4

A man who is determined and wants to create strong mutual relationships out of the friend zone must first stop feeling sorry for himself. He needs to stop thinking that she will finally see who he really is. She has already seen and appreciated it. That's why he is where he is. How to get out of the friend zone - log out and log in again.

First of all, you need to understand what criteria the young man does not meet with his chosen one. There are few general criteria; they are divided into two types. The most important criteria for assessing a woman’s worthy chosen one are Social ones, that is, those that will be looked at not only by her, but also by all relatives and friends. Thus, this assessment will add points to her as well. So, social values:

  • Financial condition. Yes, now, of course, you can start demagoguery about how mercantile all women are. But we are talking about serious adult relationships. And for serious adult relationships, the next step is family. And family is a wedding, it’s housing, it’s children. All this requires financial costs. Therefore, in the long term, the financial condition of the future man is important.
  • Social status. This means even the most ordinary self-confidence. It is not necessary to be the owner of a large holding company or a factory for sewing silk panties. Social status can be expressed in the ability to make independent decisions and bear responsibility for these decisions.
  • Impudence. Oddly enough, but yes - women love arrogant men, sometimes rude (but not in relation to the women themselves). Arrogance must be manifested by the ability to put one’s interests first.
  • Take what he needs first. The concept of “like behind a stone wall” follows from arrogance; a woman is sure that a man is tearing to shreds everything in his path for his family.
  • Intelligence. It’s clear - a man shouldn’t be stupid.
  • Originality of thinking. The ability to find solutions to “hopeless” problems. In general, when a man solves problems in a woman’s life, she puts a tick on her list that he is suitable.
  • It’s not for nothing that there are cases when women call in the middle of the night, frightened and in tears asking to come and fix an iron, kettle or socket that has begun to smell burnt. They already then decide to check him for the last point.

Personal qualities that a real man should have, according to statistics:

  • Athletic body,
  • Reliability,
  • Integrity,
  • Good manners,
  • Coquetry.

All women are different and the mandatory presence of all these qualities cannot guarantee a choice in favor of a man. But, according to statistics, men who score 9-10 points are not considered as potential partners and husbands. Holders of 10 points are fairy-tale characters and not all women can meet the same criteria.

The golden mean of this list is 6-8 points. It is these men that women consider as ideal candidates in a relationship. If a man counts less than five points, then he should not have a question about how he ended up in the friend zone. It turns out he's not that good.

What do we have to do?

The subsequent actions of a guy who wants to leave the friend zone will be aimed at changing himself, behavior and the format of communication with the girl. Psychologists advise doing the following:

  • You need not to show your feelings and affection for the girl. One can imagine that the girl is actually just an acquaintance, not arousing much interest.
  • The man himself needs to become the most interesting interlocutor, communicate with her on all sorts of topics. It’s good if the communication involves a man’s sense of humor, charisma, erudition and intelligence.
  • A man needs to become a standard, developing in himself all those qualities and traits that girls look for in potential partners. That is, you need to become strong, strong, pumped up, smart, beautiful and stylish, successful and decisive. You need to find out the type that the girl prefers, and then adapt yourself to it.
  • You need to become independent. That is, if a girl called a man a friend, she should refuse courtship, changing her tactics of behavior. This does not mean that the man will stop spending time with her, he just needs to reduce it by going about his own business. A girl should not see a man suffering, this will only worsen the situation.
  • Despite the friendly format of communication, you need to give her compliments. By showing gallantry and manners, speaking words of praise and encouragement, you can establish an emotional connection between young people. But at the same time, you don’t need to look at her with loving eyes, showing more coldness.

Girls tend to act according to their mood, and as psychologists say, these are rather fickle individuals. Under the influence of circumstances and when a man’s behavior changes, a woman may look at him with different eyes.

There is a way out5

There is always a way out of any situation. The most ideal thing is to pump yourself up. You should not wait for the girl to change, when she sees and realizes his super-ness. We need to show her that a man is capable of changing, that he has become different. This takes time and effort.

Ideal pumping plan:

  1. Reduce communication or stop it altogether. Depending on the relationship, you should choose the one that is most suitable for the specific situation. If it is possible to completely stop seeing the object of desire, that’s good. If not, we reduce it to the minimum, without showing any initiative on our part.
  2. They stopped seeing each other, but did not stop making themselves known. You should surprise your chosen one and show that you are not fixated on her and have not stopped. You need to make new acquaintances with girls and actively post photos on social networks from your vacation.
  3. It will be great to acquire new interests and hobbies. It is desirable that it be an active holiday, extreme, with a lot of impressions. This will give both the young man the opportunity to unwind and the girl to see what she is losing.
  4. Engage in self-development. Invest in yourself. Go in for sports, develop your hobby into a business.

Such changes in a man will 100% add a sexual brand to him. And the woman will pay attention to him herself. If this does not happen, the man must prove himself to be a real male. Make a date and show a new side of yourself. But you need to behave with a girl no longer as a friend, but as a chosen one. There is no need to remember your previous relationship during a date. She will definitely appreciate this upgrade.

It is important to understand that the man ended up in the friend zone not because he is so good, but she does not understand anything. It’s just the opposite - he doesn’t understand what she wants to see in a man. If the friendship has been for a long time, then it would be possible to study the tastes of your chosen one and acquire these qualities.

If the “friendship” did not last long, any changes for the better will make you pay attention and surprise you with positive dynamics. In any case, it is necessary to show the maximum number of “manly” qualities so that the girl appreciates not a friend, but a full-fledged partner.

Is it possible to leave the friendship zone, is there a chance?

It is possible to leave the long-established boundaries of the friend zone. But it is important to sensibly assess your strengths and realize that even a strong friendship does not guarantee that you will hear the long-awaited “yes” in response.

Important! The tips described above are just a chance to convey your aspirations to someone you know.

The rest depends solely on the compatibility of you as a couple:

  • carefully consider whether it is worth losing a friend for the sake of love, and whether you correspond to the image of an ideal partner, because if you refuse to return to the level of your friend again, it is unlikely that it will work out and you will have to completely stop communicating;
  • the ability to be a good conversationalist and have an excellent sense of humor will certainly allow you to create a reputation as a suitable candidate for the role of a soul mate - a pleasant pastime will almost always be associated with you;
  • Indulging a friend and trying to change for his sake, there is no need to turn into a slave - always remember your own dignity and pride, first of all, taking into account your own interests;
  • rationally evaluate your own strengths and weaknesses, adjust your image so as to truly get rid of bad habits, and as inspiration you can take the ideal of the object of your adoration;
  • provide moral support more often - it is your presence and help in a bad period that serves as a good bonus and always reduces the distance between two people, which will be a great start for love feelings, if you do not manipulate the person.

The process of turning from a friend into a potential gentleman does not happen instantly and in an eternal expectation of reciprocal emotions. Once you find yourself in such a situation, you should take note of your own mistakes so as not to find yourself in the friend zone again in the future.

Adhering to certain tactics of behavior, showing your best character traits and not being afraid to demonstrate sincere feelings - these are the main tips for those who decide to overcome the erroneously drawn boundary of friendship.

Choose a strategy

There are 2 ways to exit:

  1. The first option is slow, routine work. But the work can give a lasting and positive result. If your lover reciprocates, then get ready for a romantic relationship.
  2. The second option is recognition, which implies quick and radical action. The way ends either badly or well.

Ask yourself a clear question: does the guy know that I’m in love with him? Talk to him directly, but firmly: we are either dating or we are not. If a negative answer follows, there is nothing left to do but keep your word - you will need to leave your friend and leave.

Take care of yourself

I think this is the best advice for getting into the friend zone. Analyze your behavior and appearance. The more confident you are, the stronger your feminine charms will be. Start watching your figure, develop your intelligence and expand your horizons. Go through your wardrobe and throw away everything that is tasteless and that you haven’t worn for a long time. Create your own unique style in which you will look attractive and sexy, but avoid a vulgar look.

It will be good if you find out in advance what style of clothing the girls like that your lover likes. Recreate this image according to his preference. But you shouldn't use it if it doesn't suit you. Most importantly, if you are underestimated, don't stress yourself out and find someone who will love and respect you for who you are.

A developed intellect will help support any topic of conversation. The point is not to look like a know-it-all, but to be able to present information to support the conversation.

Disappear for a while

Most likely, your lover is surrounded by your comfort zone: make him laugh, take care of him, make surprises, support him in troubles. Try to limit your participation in your lover's life. End your romantic relationship with him if you do not feel reciprocated from him. You may not pick up the phone from time to time, but then call yourself and say that you were busy. During this period, you may notice other men who are more worthy of your attention.

Visit a pleasant place with a potential partner where you will feel good. Make your partner feel like an outsider in the new team. Disappear for a certain period of time, and upon returning, provide him with support: praise him for something to elevate him in the eyes of others. This gesture will be highly appreciated by him.

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