A person needs respect from loved ones, acquaintances, colleagues and just passers-by. Due to the lack of proper attitude, the mood deteriorates, negative emotions arise, and internal conflicts begin. Often, instead of recognizing our own abilities and talents, we receive ridicule, and instead of praise, we receive unfounded criticism. So why do some receive public respect, while others receive indifference and humiliation? You shouldn’t look for an answer to this question - it’s better to radically change the situation by starting to act right now.
What is disrespect?
Is it easy to understand that people don't have the slightest bit of respect for you? Or maybe they even despise you, skillfully disguising their attitude under the guise of condescending politeness? If you are not alien to observation, then recognizing your true attitude towards yourself will not be difficult.
Disdain towards a person’s personality develops based on two main factors: subjective and objective. Objective ones include your behavior and actions, and subjective ones include the formation of an opinion about you based on the reviews of people around you.
To correctly determine that you are being treated without the expected respect, you need to pay attention to the following characteristic signs:
- Clear hostility. The most obvious sign of disrespect, expressed in open confrontation. During the conversation, they may start interrupting you, and if you try to find out the reason for what is happening, you have every chance of running into a scandal. They don’t listen to you, switch to other participants in the conversation, or end the conversation altogether.
- Regular criticism. If a person treats you with disdain, then his only goal for maintaining contact with you will be the desire to stroke his pride at your expense. For the sake of frankness, it is worth noting that such a person generally does not care whether you are doing the right thing or not, because he will perceive any of your actions with hostility and, therefore, criticize the decisions you make and the actions you perform.
- Nonverbal communication. Observing the gestures and facial expressions of others can be considered a very useful skill. Even if a person openly says that he values and loves you immensely, his nonverbal behavior may indicate that he is lying. Shaking your head at your words, constantly “sticking” to your smartphone, closed postures, a distant look - all this serves as sure proof of a negative attitude towards you.
- Denial of obvious rightness. How often have you encountered the fact that your interlocutor completely refuses to admit that you are right? You can literally bombard him with undeniable facts, but he will still insist that you are wrong. Such behavior indicates, first of all, that your opinion is not taken into account, and the decisions you make are sought to be sabotaged, thereby showing disdain for your authority.
- Neglecting your time. Punctuality is a clear sign of respect. If you value a person, you will never allow yourself to be late for a meeting with him or to overwhelm him with your problems. This principle also works in the opposite direction.
Important
Time is one of the most valuable human resources and treating it lightly clearly indicates a lack of respect.
- Refusal to help can also be seen as a lack of respect. For example, you helped your friend more than once, but when you turned to him for help, he began to excuse himself by being busy. Moreover, this will be repeated more than once, and sooner or later you will simply stop counting on this person, feeling deep inside yourself an acute sense of resentment.
- Refusal to spend time together. Friendship involves spending time together. If you value a person, then you will be happy to maintain personal contact with him, call him up and meet, and take an interest in his affairs and successes. When your friend begins to show by his behavior that he does not crave personal communication, while making excuses with his personal affairs, then this alone should make you think about the cooling of the relationship between you and a possible loss of respect for you.
- Ridicule. Disrespect can be both overt and passive. Hidden (passive) disrespect is expressed in offensive jokes and veiled ridicule of a person.
Rule six. When communicating with your manager, strictly control your behavior
Remember that you can only criticize your boss in a one-on-one conversation, and you should praise or thank management only for specific things. In this case, criticism will be perceived as a business discussion, and gratitude will not be taken as flattery. If you want to convey your proposals or your position to your superiors, they need to be clearly justified and supported by facts. You can argue with the boss only at the stage of discussing the project, and when the manager has already made a decision and given an order to his subordinates, it is necessary to carry it out without any objections.
Reasons why others don't respect us
You began to notice that your reputation among your friends has noticeably dropped. Why does this happen and what is to blame? It is very rare for everyone around to feel disdain for an individual.
But if this does happen, there is no time to waste and it is worth understanding what was to blame. Perhaps you are surrounded by extremely rude and insensitive people, but it may also be that you yourself did something unacceptable, which led to such a deplorable situation.
But if you try and find the reason for other people’s disrespect, then it is definitely worth mentioning the following main factors that influence the attitude of others:
- Low self-esteem. No matter how people consider themselves the crown of evolution, animal instincts still make themselves felt. And among them we can mention such as the desire to show one’s own strength at the expense of weaker individuals. To put it simply, stronger animals always slaughter insignificant and useless representatives of the animal world. Start respecting and appreciating yourself, and only then will you be able to see that the opinions of others about you will noticeably improve. No one will ever respect a person who fawns and humiliates himself in front of others - remember this!
- Disrespect on your part. Do you expect people to value and respect you as a person? How do you behave towards them? Do you show appreciation for the services provided, do you show how much you appreciate your friends and acquaintances for their help and support? If you look at your acquaintances and colleagues with poorly concealed disdain, or even outright contempt, then do not think that people will not notice it. No person will strive for someone who himself does not show an ounce of respect.
Important
The reason for disrespect can also be banal human stupidity. Do not limit yourself in development and knowledge, and then people themselves will be drawn to you.
How to gain authority for a woman in a male team, and for a man in a female team
The most difficult position for a new employee is to gain authority in a team consisting of people of a different gender. All types of strength tests are included here, it definitely won’t be easy, you need to be prepared.
It is difficult for a woman to place herself at the initial level, because the atmosphere of a men's group can be hostile, where women are treated with some frivolity. A man, on the contrary, is often perceived positively by women, but many surprises are prepared for him in the future. You cannot give up in such a situation and give up slack.
It is very important not to lose your dignity. Women in general are programmed in such a way that they constantly test their manhood for strength. And this happens automatically, no matter in a corporate setting or under other circumstances. Not participating in women's discussions and being able to fight back is very important for a man at work. If you remain silent after a sharp joke is made in your direction, your authority will be lost and you will not take the best social role. But, again, do not conflict - if you are in the minority, conflicts should be avoided as much as possible, because there is a risk of becoming an outcast.
How to achieve self-respect
You can wonder for a long time why those around you don’t respect you, look for reasons, and then indulge in despondency and self-pity. But the best way out is to work on yourself and strive to change for the better, literally winning the favor of others.
Psychologists have developed a whole list of universal rules aimed at changing thinking and habits that will help you achieve what you want:
- Keep your word. A person who values his own and other people’s time will never allow himself to make empty promises. Nothing offends others more than a given and unrestrained word. If you have promised something, then be so kind as to fulfill it. In this case, you will show yourself as a reliable and trustworthy person. But if you feel that you are not confident in your abilities, then it is better to say that you cannot guarantee your help.
- Talk less in vain. Remember that a person who is accustomed to chatting about everything and nothing gives the impression of a superficial and empty person. Take the habit of speaking briefly and to the point; this manner of dialogue will show others that you are a purposeful and serious person and will add to your sympathy.
- Say only what you are sure of. Do not get involved in disputes if you do not feel absolutely confident in your rightness and your knowledge. Be prepared to clearly argue your point of view. Your confidence in your words will definitely make the right impression on others.
- Treat others with respect. If you allow yourself to turn up your nose at another person, mock him and criticize his achievements, then where can respect for you come from? Learn to appreciate others even for small successes, don’t judge them for mistakes, and then you can count on the same attitude on their part.
- Don't draw attention to your shortcomings. Don’t forget to work on yourself every day: develop your talents and eradicate your shortcomings. Of course, you can’t get rid of all your weaknesses in one day, so just try not to highlight them. Focus on your strengths and then they will definitely hide your imperfections.
- Stop complaining about life. There is no doubt that negative emotions need to find a way out, but you should not abuse it. In almost every company you can see a person who does nothing but whine and complain about his troubles. Such an instance only causes contempt from others. Nothing can ruin a reputation faster than constant whining about life.
Rule five. Don't flatter your boss
To win the favor of the boss, some employees begin to flatter or fawn, forgetting about their own dignity and self-respect. But such obsequious behavior causes a completely opposite reaction and leads to disrespect or even contempt from management and hostility from colleagues.
Conversation with the boss. What shouldn't you say to your boss? More details
Leadership Development for Managers
Perhaps to some, training directors and supervisors will seem like a waste of time, since due to heavy workload and the desire to promote the company, they do not have the physical opportunity to attend any courses. However, in many large and successful companies, the practice of training management personnel is widespread.
The main idea of management training for managers is to update and supplement their existing knowledge and experience through an intensive course, which will undoubtedly help managers achieve respect in the team. A manager must not only be able to set tasks and monitor their implementation, but also find an individual approach to employees. All this and much more can be learned during HR training for management.
Authority, as already mentioned, is the most important factor of personal influence. A leader who has a well-deserved reputation can win over people and influence them in a positive way. Despite the enormous power of authority, it can be lost very easily and quickly. To prevent this from happening, you must always remember that each team member has a certain importance, so any relationship should be built on mutual understanding.
Read a guide on how to effectively manage a sales department
Take care of yourself
What are you like as a person and as a professional? Even if you are smart, experienced, and charming, none of this matters if you are obnoxious and rude to others. People will turn away from you. If you are lazy and unkempt, no one will simply want to work with you.
What message does your appearance convey? How do you communicate with colleagues? Does your speech sound confident? Does it contain filler words? Do you put in extra effort at work without being asked?
Think about how others perceive communication with you. This will allow you to correct mistakes in your behavior if necessary.
Preface
Once I had the opportunity to attend a competition where very young children competed in various talents. All this took place in a huge House of Culture, with a large number of spectators. Crowd, noise, music... And in the middle of all this, these guys - some of them looked no more than two years old! - played the piano, danced, performed various acrobatic exercises... But it was much more interesting to watch not the children, although many of them were really great, but their parents. It was immediately clear that THEY were participating in the competition, that THEY needed it much more than the participating children.
And when the competition ended and the awards were presented, the winning girl came out into the foyer of the House of Culture with her mother. Mom was beaming. In her hands were a certificate, a cup, some kind of basket with prizes, something else... She happily chatted on the phone, sharing the details of the event. And the girl... Well, as they say, the girl is such that you can’t see her because of her own bow. And the bow on her head was really impressive! The girl stood silently next to her mother.
And finally my mother spoke on the phone.
- Masha! – she loudly addressed her daughter. - Let's get ready to go home! We need to show all this to grandma as soon as possible! And Aunt Sveta will come today! Oh, how many things we have been given! Let me give you something to hold! What do you want to take? Do you want a cup? Or do you want to hold your diploma?
“I want candy,” muttered the unhappy child. - And juice.
Now numerous parents will attack me: “Why unhappy? Mom cares about her daughter's development! She's great! The child must be busy with something!”
Certainly. But he needs to do what he likes, and not his overactive mother. In the situation with the competition, it was obvious that it did not bring much joy to the child...
And now I will again hear puzzled questions: “Is it possible to understand at such an early age what a child’s soul is really about? Let him do for now what his parents chose, and then he will thank them!”
That's a very difficult question. I think you already understand: this book will talk about purpose, how to reveal it and what to use for this. The idea of writing this book came to me precisely after I visited a children's competition and was impressed that the winning girl did not need her prizes - she just wanted candy. Although I have been conducting lectures and seminars on the topic of destiny for a long time.
Does everyone have their own purpose in life?
How to open it?
Is it true that everyone has their own purpose, or can we, for example, talk about “the purpose of a man”, “the purpose of a woman”, “the purpose of an artist”?
How is purpose different from potential?
What is “human nature”?
What human types exist depending on energy?
How to choose the right mentor?
What can stop us from fulfilling our destiny?
And, of course, the role of parents in revealing the purpose of the child.
All these questions are discussed in the pages of this book. In addition, all the information is supplemented with interesting workshops on the topic, and in the book I answer the questions that I am most often asked during classes.
So, let's discover your purpose together if you don't know how to do it yet! It’s not for nothing that they say that a person has two most important days in his life: the first is when he was born, and the second is when he understands why he was born.
Yours Oleg Torsunov
