Unclosed gestalt. What is it, how to close in a relationship with a man, woman, child

An incomplete gestalt in a relationship is an obsessive image of a once-loved person that interferes with your further development. If the desire to talk to your ex persistently haunts you, the “program” needs to be closed. Any chain of tasks goes through a development cycle, and at the end you need to put an end to it. The truth is hackneyed, it applies not only to relationships, but also to any business started. If a fixed idea interferes with your life and those around you, you should pay maximum attention to the psychological problem.

Unclosed gestalt in psychology

In simple terms, we are talking about the fact that each individual realizes that he needs to complete this or that task in order to feel complete emotional satisfaction, that is, to close the gestalt. For example, if an athlete is injured, he will still strive to reach the finish line, as otherwise he will not feel “complete.”

That is, gestalt is something that always needs to be brought to its logical conclusion, so that a person does not begin to experience torment for a long time because he did not finish this or that task.

In turn, an unfinished or unclosed gestalt is a state when we do not receive satisfaction from the logical completion of an action, event, etc. According to psychologists, many unclosed gestalts can harm a person and negatively affect his emotional state.

Why complete the gestalt?

Gestalt is a completed image, a completed picture or a completed action.

If a messy desk indicates disordered thinking, then what does a clean and tidy desk mean? Lawrence J. Peter, American educator and writer.

The Gestalt cycle includes 6 stages : Decide, Plan, Start, Continue, Finish and Complete.

The cycle of completion is necessary to achieve success in anything, to get the desired result, to complete what you started.

Have you ever in your life left some projects unfinished or failed when trying to break up with someone?


What does incompleteness look like?

An open gestalt is actually incompleteness. It can manifest itself in relationships, food, tasks completed, and much more. For example, you can draw a very simple analogy with a computer.

If the user starts to turn off the computer before he has closed unsaved programs, then in this case the equipment may malfunction and even freeze. That is, even for a computer, a technically advanced intelligence, it is required that all tasks be previously completed, and only in this case can the equipment go into sleep mode or turn off.

The same thing happens with the psyche of any person. If he has at least 1 unfinished gestalt, then this can lead to the fact that he will not be able to enjoy life, build a career and move forward in every possible way. Very often such people complain that they are actually walking in a circle and cannot get out of it.

This can happen in relationships. For example, if 2 people decide to break up, then it may happen that 1 of them will blame himself for a long time for the fact that this relationship did not work out.

He will replay in his head what it would be like if he behaved differently and so on. Because of such an open gestalt, it is very difficult to build new relationships. As a result, a person becomes fixated on incompleteness.

With normal mental development, the presence of an open gestalt very often provokes people to move forward. However, incompleteness often harms the psyche, changing a person’s personality.

In some situations it is impossible to close the gestalt. For example, if a loved one passed away or moved to another country forever. However, in many other situations, it is possible and even necessary to end a previous relationship or any other unfinished business in order to start living with a clean slate.

In psychology there is also such a concept as the memory effect on unfinished actions. This means that the human brain will always focus more on what is in progress than on new tasks. Therefore, it is very difficult to just quit your previous business and successfully develop in something else. This is why there are a huge number of people who literally cannot find themselves.

They start one thing, but do not complete it. They immediately become interested in a new project, but it does not bring satisfaction either. As a result, a person suffers from many unclosed gelstats and complains that he cannot achieve success. But, if he had correctly put an end to each of his hobbies, such problems would not have existed.

Very often people have unfinished gestalts in relationships. This is what most often explains why people feel like they are pathologically unlucky in any relationship. The fact is that as soon as a break occurs between partners, one of them begins to suffer from an unclosed gestalt (as a rule, this is the person with whom they broke up).

As a result, the individual who has been abandoned experiences dissatisfaction and anger. He blames not only himself, but also his environment for the breakup.

This provokes prolonged depression, psychosis, and sometimes even suicidal thoughts. A person becomes apathetic and begins to suffer more often from psychosomatic diseases. In conversations, he constantly focuses on the past and talks about his previous relationships.

How do you know if there is an open gestalt?

Unclosed gestalt is a condition that is difficult to diagnose on your own.

But there are several signs that will help you understand whether you should worry about incompleteness:

  • Childhood memories constantly appear in my head, which even after many years cause strong resentment.
  • A person constantly complains that he has the same dreams. Moreover, their plot is very reminiscent of a situation that happened to him in the past.
  • Any new relationship seems to begin to develop according to exactly the same scenario as the previous one.
  • The people around you seem similar to each other. There is a feeling that everyone has a subtle similarity.
  • Unreasonable anger at loved ones and friends constantly appears.
  • A person experiences physiological manifestations, for example, nausea or pain, which are in no way amenable to conventional medical diagnosis. The most interesting thing is that physical pain occurs when communicating with specific people.

These are fairly general signs of an open gestalt, but there is also a more professional classification of signs of incompleteness:

  • Panic attacks and anxiety. If a person constantly experiences psychosis, and he arrives in an anxious state for no apparent reason, then in this case we are clearly talking about an incomplete gestalt. Most often this manifests itself before doing something grandiose, serious or significant. At the same time, as a rule, anxiety is very noticeable to people around.
  • Numerous unfinished business . Some people believe that this is a feature of the psychology of specific individuals who seem to be physically unable to bring things to their logical conclusion. However, this is often a clear sign of incompleteness. Does this apply to situations where a person is unable to complete this or that task and does not understand why this is happening? It begins to seem that there is an invisible, irresistible force that is preventing him from achieving success. This is how versions about karma, fate and other invisible things appear. People begin to think that someone has jinxed them or that there is a generational curse on them, because their grandmother or great-grandmother had the same problems. But most often the problem is that the gestalt was not closed correctly.
  • Avoidance of new relationships. A person with an open gestalt no longer wants to experience the pain, suffering and negative emotions that he received from his last relationship. Moreover, very often such people can declare that they, on the contrary, strive to find a partner and try to build love with him. However, on a subconscious level, they do everything to never experience pain again. Therefore, despite all the claims, they avoid new relationships. For example, a man really likes a girl, but for some unknown reason, before he even starts communicating with her, he goes on vacation to another country. Upon arrival, he discovers that she has already lost interest in him. Thus, a man creates situations in which he will not be able to build a new relationship.

Ways to complete a gestalt

The guaranteed way out of depression is to achieve an unfulfilled dream. Not everyone can achieve such tricks. Therefore, we recommend using proven psychological techniques. Here are a couple of examples:

  • transference (by discussing the situation that is tormenting you with your current partner);
  • modeling (scroll through the scenario of unrealized relationships in your head to the expected logical ending);
  • refusal to fight (you should realize that everything is in the past, and now it’s easier to ignore the obsessive image);
  • removal (the reverse technique, which consists in removing the gestalt from the subconscious into the area of ​​logical analysis).

How to work through your childhood unfinished gestalts?

Unclosed gestalt is a very common problem. This is due to the fact that many people suffer from incompleteness that formed many years ago. If in adult life a person experiences difficulties due to childhood grievances, then in this case psychologists recommend several things.

How to close a children's gelstadt Explanation
Learn to love yourselfFirst of all, you need to stop blaming yourself for past mistakes, especially if they relate to what happened in childhood.
Communicate moreYou shouldn't be alone. On the contrary, you should meet a lot of new people.
Accept help from loved onesFamily and friends can improve the situation, so don't push them away.
Get distractedTo forget about the problems of the past, you need to find something interesting in the present. For example, you can start drawing, dancing, embroidering, or finding another exciting hobby.
Visit a psychologistA specialist will explain how to cope with difficult memories of the past. In the most difficult situations, a consultation with a psychotherapist is required.
Take part in group therapyIf a person finds out that he is not the only one facing a similar problem, then it becomes much easier for him.
Start taking sedativesSuch drugs are usually prescribed for increased nervousness. As a rule, taking herbal sedatives helps improve the condition. If a person is diagnosed with serious mental problems, then sleeping pills or even tranquilizers may be required.

Signs of an open gestalt in a relationship

This type of addiction is a very common problem.

There are several clear signs that a person is focused on past relationships:

  • Persistent resentment. This manifestation of unclosed gelstatt can include the state when a person constantly remembers relationships in a negative way.
  • A person who suffers from an incomplete gestalt constantly compares his current partner with his previous one.
  • Friendly relations with relatives and friends of the ex-partner. This is considered the norm only if a person does not expect his friends to constantly tell him about the life of his ex-girlfriend or boyfriend.
  • Too much interest. A sign of an unfinished relationship is that after a breakup, one of the partners constantly monitors the other’s life through social networks.

Any manifestation of dependence indicates the presence of gelstat.

Mistakes that are important to avoid

In pursuit of peace and personal happiness, women almost immediately begin dating a new man after a breakup. Among the popular tips, the most common practice is called “How to correctly knock out a wedge with a wedge.” This method is usually used by ladies who have been rejected by a married gentleman. Abandoned and offended girls try to prove to their lover that the world has not collapsed, life goes on, and the world is full of worthy candidates. While the old relationship is fresh in memory, the next romantic relationship will end in failure. Psychologists do not advise giving false hope to your chosen one, using him as a temporary comforter.

The second mistake is wearing a mask of indifference even when alone. The woman plays the role of a self-sufficient person, who is alien to experiences and romantic nonsense. No one will know her true secret about the tears shed at night and unbearable pain - so be it. However, it is useful to admit to yourself that the relationship has failed, but there are many new and interesting things ahead.

Everyone experiences separation in the same way: both a young girl and a divorced wife with a load of experience. Accepting the fact that a person is trapped in a former relationship does not indicate defeat or weakness. Only a strong-willed person is able to face the truth and admit the existing problem. This will be the first step from which a lifelong journey will begin.

How to complete the gestalt in a relationship on your own?

It is in love relationships that such problems most often arise. Due to increased emotional dependence on another person, it becomes very difficult to move to the next level and leave past relationships with pleasant memories.

An open gestalt is a problem that can and should be solved. There are several methods on how to do this.

Rebuild the Gestalt

To do this, a man or woman needs to find a new partner who will arouse very strong interest.

If a new relationship “overlaps” the previous ones in its emotionality, then an unsuccessful attempt to build a relationship will quickly be forgotten.

If it is difficult to start a new relationship, then in this case you need to switch to some interesting hobby that can cause a surge of emotions.

Think logically

First of all, you need to understand why the previous relationship ended. It is important to determine why experiences still continue to emerge in the subconscious. Most likely, we are talking about some kind of complex. If you acknowledge their presence, you can begin to work on yourself to become better.

In addition, it is recommended to speculate on the topic that perhaps the previous partner was overrated. It is worth reconsidering your internal “filter” for choosing a future partner.


As a rule, the problem of an unclosed gestalt is associated with the fact that the previous partner inflicted very serious moral trauma. For example, a husband could cheat on his wife, and after that she holds a grudge against him for many years.

However, you need to understand that this, first of all, harms the woman herself and prevents her from building a successful relationship. Therefore, you need to subconsciously tear out any resentment from yourself and try to forgive the person who made this fatal mistake.

Psychologists also identify another strategy for completing gestalt, which includes 4 stages:

  1. Staging. This is really a small theatrical production. To do this, you need to imagine the face of your ex-partner. After this, you need to very clearly visualize exactly how he asks for forgiveness for what he did. Don't be shy. You can safely express all your complaints and grievances to this image. After this, you need to logically complete this situation. For example, you can tell this image that it is forgiven, or you can yell at it and declare that it is all over now. It is best to perform this exercise with a real person, for example, an acquaintance who has agreed to play the role of a former partner.
  2. Fantasies. As a rule, after the first stage, most people experience serious relief, but the gestalt is not yet closed. Therefore, at the second stage, you need to fantasize a little and speculate about what would have happened if the separation had not happened. You need to mentally play out all the possible options that could happen next. For example, you can imagine a wedding, the birth of children, buying a house, a car. However, we should not forget that every family has everyday problems. Therefore, it is worth starting to fantasize and visualize how life would turn out if there was not enough money, constant problems, demands, and scandals would appear.
  3. Liberation. At the third stage, you need to form for yourself the right image of family and normal relationships. To do this, you need to share your fears and concerns with someone close to you. You definitely need to tell him all your doubts that are related to everyday problems, lack of money and other things. The more a person begins to talk about such problems, the easier he begins to relate to them. As a result, it will be easier to begin to form for yourself the correct model of family and happy family relationships.
  4. Humility. You need to accept what happens in life. If there was a breakup, it means that this was supposed to happen. It is quite possible that something more beautiful and interesting awaits a person in the future, so all that remains is to wait.

What is the danger?

Unclosed gestalt is a condition that can develop into serious psychological problems. People constantly accumulate a huge amount of unfinished gestalts and don’t even notice it. As a result, over the years, many people develop nervousness; it seems that everything is not going as it should.

When the gelstat in a relationship is not closed, first of all, the person begins to experience constant discomfort and dissatisfaction with life. This can even provoke suicidal thoughts.

Nervoses, psychoses and other pathologies may develop. A person begins to suffer from prolonged depression. The individual becomes very lazy, apathetic, it seems that the person is going with the flow and is no longer trying to change anything in his life.

The essence

The human psyche is designed in such a way that it strives to finish absolutely everything it starts. And if a task arises before her, she will spend all the body’s resources until she achieves her goal. Attention will be focused only on the goal, and even if you get distracted a little and switch gears, try to forget about it - the psyche will inevitably return you to it.

By the way, you can read the article about the Zeigarnik effect, this is essentially also an incomplete gestalt.

To make it clearer, I will give an example.

Impact on loved ones

Not only the person himself suffers from an incomplete gestalt, but also his close people. In this situation, they experience serious worries and constantly try to get in touch with someone who continues to live in the past.

The problem may lie elsewhere. For example, a child in childhood really wanted to become a musician, but later his parents said that this was a stupid idea and in the end he had to study to become a lawyer. In this case, throughout his life he had an unfinished gestalt, since he could not even try to make his dream come true.

But, when in adulthood he himself has a child, he will try to send him to a music school. At the subconscious level, this method allows you to close the gelstat. But in this case, another child suffers, who will also possibly suffer because of his unfulfilled desires.

How to find the reason

To independently find the cause of an incomplete gestalt, you can use a method called the “onion of needs.” It lies in finding your true “want”. Ask yourself: “What do I want? How do I want it? Who do I want with? Answer and ask again until you know what you really want.

Once you find that “I want”, ask the next question: “How can I get it?” When you understand exactly what you want and how you can get it, consider that the gestalt is almost closed.

You may ask: “What if what you want is impossible to achieve?” Let's look at a specific situation. You want, for example, to go to the Venice Carnival, but you don’t have the opportunity. What need of yours will the Venice Carnival satisfy – fun or status? If the need is for fun and pleasure, then find another way to fulfill it. If you want to go to this carnival to take a photo and show everyone what you have achieved, then this is simply a desire to demonstrate your status. Think about other ways you can do this for yourself. The Venice Carnival is not a need, but just one way to realize it. Find your deepest desire, and then look for ways to realize it.

When is the help of a psychotherapist needed?

Often it is not possible to close the gestalt on your own. Even moving to another country, changing jobs and developing new hobbies does not change the situation much. A permanent nervous state gradually develops and panic attacks may begin.

The inability to build new relationships can begin to negatively impact work. The person becomes forgetful and cannot concentrate. In this case, you should talk to a psychologist.

You should definitely consult a psychotherapist if you experience suicidal thoughts or prolonged depression. Sometimes one conversation with a specialist is enough to solve the problem. In other cases, the doctor may prescribe medication.

How to build new relationships

Don't rush if it seems like the time hasn't come yet. There is no point in building a relationship with a new person just to prove something to your ex-partner. This only helps temporarily.

If we are talking about a full-fledged new relationship, then, first of all, you need to honestly admit to yourself that you are very worried. You shouldn't wear a mask of indifference when you want to cry.

It is important to be honest and open with yourself. It is important to build a model of future relationships and determine which mistakes should no longer be made. New relationships should be built only when there are no open gelstatts associated with another person.

Thus, an unclosed gestalt represents a rather serious psychological problem. This is the state that best suits the definition of “incompleteness.” The more such incompletenesses in a person’s life, the more difficult it is for him to build his happy future.

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