Loneliness of men: necessity or free choice

Not everyone knows how to live alone as a man. If a person lives alone for a long time, then he gets so used to it that it is difficult for him to imagine living together with another person.

It is generally accepted that loneliness is not a burden for a man, but this is far from the case. They enjoy freedom, but sooner or later the turning point still comes.

Habits include daily activities, household management, a way to relax and have fun exactly the way he himself wants it. For many men, the very fact that everything will have to change is very frightening, and for many years they do not strive to start a family.

Sooner or later in everyone’s life there comes a time when he strives to acquire a loved one in order to give him his care. But not all men know what to do and how to deal with loneliness, and at the same time they begin to feel dissatisfied with their lives.

Is it easy to be a man

It's difficult, very difficult. He owes too much. Just think about how many demands are placed on him from early childhood.

He must be strong and correspond to a movie superman, earn a lot and bring cash to his wife to pack her from head to toe, organize a family vacation (preferably abroad), be a caring husband and a great lover. One could go on and on about what else is expected of him. And he must assert himself in all this, prove that he is better than others. It is embedded in a system where there are rigid relations of dominance and subordination. You need to fight for your place in the sun, just like in the good old days. After all, he is a provider and protector. This is how Mother Nature made him. What if something doesn’t work out? Who can help? His male pride does not allow him to accept help from the outside, including from a woman. Modern ladies have become too demanding of the stronger sex. And the man gets tired of the fight, and of business, and of women, and of relationships with her. So isn’t it better to throw off all responsibilities and choose loneliness - which is what many modern men do.

Communication problems

The ability to communicate is a lucky gift that few people receive from birth. Men, due to the peculiarities of the organization of their brain, experience difficulties in mastering words and, accordingly, in communication.

How many troubles happen in a man’s life because of his inability to communicate with women. The problem of communication is the main one and cannot be solved for many of them. How to meet the girl you like, how to inspire sympathy, trust and a desire to continue acquaintance and start a relationship? The lack of communication skills, which are determined both by the conditions of upbringing in the family and by temperament (type of nervous activity) and character, becomes an insurmountable barrier in relationships with women. After all, they love sociable and confident men.

New acquaintances

To combat the problem you need to make drastic changes, and in case of loneliness, by making new acquaintances. There are several ways to take the initiative to communicate:

  • A man needs to get out of his own shell by establishing relationships with society. Interpersonal communication will not replace the Internet and information technology.
  • You shouldn’t wait for an invitation, you need to call all your friends and acquaintances, colleagues and classmates, and turn to them more often for advice and help. Those who respond can enter the social circle; a man just needs to invite them to a cafe or home for tea, arranging friendly gatherings.
  • If a man likes a girl, he shouldn’t be afraid to take the initiative. Even if the attempts remain unsuccessful, they should be treated without undue self-criticism, since the man will gain invaluable experience that will help him in future attempts to meet.
  • You should not expect that friendship will begin immediately after the first communication. Any relationship is a complex and time-consuming process that is built on rapprochement and close communication.

The most pleasant and useful way to combat loneliness is to have a pet. Whether it’s a kitten or a puppy, a four-legged companion will teach a man to responsibility, care, contacts and communication, and spending time together. In addition, a pet, according to psychologists, is an excellent source of positive emotions and joy, that is, an antidepressant.

Inadequate self-esteem

Failures in communication often lead to low self-esteem. It is laid down from early childhood and consolidated in adolescence. Didn't grow fast enough, was weak, too thin or too fat, the shortest in the class or long and awkward. Parents' jokes and classmates' ridicule about these temporary shortcomings lead to the formation of inferiority complexes that inhibit the development of communication with peers. Often such complex young men have difficulty meeting and building relationships with girls. Low self-esteem hinders communication, and uncertainty in behavior repels women. After all, there is a stereotype that the initiative for dating and relationships, as well as invitations to marriage, should come from a man.

Inflated self-esteem also does not contribute to the development of favorable relationships between people. But what kind of woman would want to be next to a man who is categorical in his judgments, considers himself better than others and expects only admiration and a positive assessment of his skills and actions. And their demands on their chosen ones are too high. Any criticism or doubt about their abilities leads to conflict. Selfishness manifests itself in everything, and there are few women who want to babysit them. People with inadequate assessments are difficult to communicate with, so it is not surprising that some of them become lonely over time.


As you might guess, he hates women, and women hate him. The misogynist knows absolutely nothing about women, but he knows for sure how many he has slept with - 214. All these connections happened before, when he was young and more or less attractive. Now only a person with very, very low self-esteem would agree to have sex with him.

The Misogynist is a close relative of the Serial Cheater. They are, of course, different people, but they understand each other well.

Lack of knowledge of female psychology

Interest in human psychology has increased in recent decades, but not among men. They live by old patriarchal ideas about women or myths generated by oral male creativity. They do not understand women, and therefore do not know how to deal with them, and do not want to take into account the fact that there are psychobiological differences between the sexes. Similarity does not mean sameness. It is easier for them to be alone, immersed in the virtual world of the Internet, than to strain themselves while seducing a girl. What is this? The elementary laziness of young people to build normal relationships with representatives of the opposite sex.

Former botanist

The complete opposite of the previous type, this guy by the age of 30 had lost weight, learned to dress and succeeded in his work. The former botanist receives more female attention every day than in the entire first 25 years of his life. Girls just go crazy about him - they can't understand how such an attractive man can also be so sweet and respectful. The answer is simple: deep down, he still believes that he is unworthy of female attention.

The man is a mother's son

This type of man is quite common. This psychological type of “son” is formed in single-parent families, where upbringing is carried out only by the mother, and the father is absent, or he is too weak to play any role. For a woman, her son comes first, not her husband, if she has one. The boy becomes too attached to his mother. As an adult, he cannot take a single step on his own without consulting his mother. Having married, he looks for maternal traits in his chosen one. The requirements are usually high, and it is difficult for an inexperienced girl to meet them. If she is not like his mother, then worse for her. Most often, women leave their hapless husbands, tightly attached to their mother, who later become lonely.

The infantilism in the behavior of a man-“son” manifests itself very clearly in his relationship with his wife. Indeed, he feels good if the woman plays a leading role in the relationship. He is like a small child, capricious, demanding and selfish. This psychological type loves to cheer, so that his wife circles around him and takes care of him, just like his mother. Such marriages have a future if the wife is a strong person and she is satisfied with the role of mommy. Otherwise, the man is doomed to loneliness.

Negative relationship experience

Failed relationships with women and negative experiences in family life are another reason for male loneliness. Mental wounds leave deep scars on the hearts and minds of men. Not everyone is able to heal them quickly. Many of them stop believing in the sincerity and strength of feelings. They believe that there are no decent and reliable women, that modern ladies are so selfish that they are not capable of unconditional love and only look after their material interests. Young successful businessmen are in no hurry to part with their freedom and get married, because they understand well that for many girls only God knows where their human dignity is, that the hunt is not for them, but for their money. Sociological studies show that more than 80% of girls would like to find a rich husband. And love? Nowadays, it seems, there is less and less space left for her. The lack of a solid financial foundation, as well as a high level of material well-being, often plays a cruel joke in relations between the sexes. Both of them ultimately doom themselves to loneliness.

This is how men turn into cynics and confirmed bachelors. Their lifestyle is loneliness, and satisfying sexual needs in our time is not a problem.

Age crises

Time is merciless and does not spare anyone. Any crisis experienced by a man leads to a rethinking of life, to a reassessment of his successes, achievements and failures, to a reconsideration of relationships with people around him. At such moments, regrets arise in a man’s soul about unrealized plans and opportunities, and he experiences the fear of impending old age. The paradox is that by the age of 40 - 45, a man achieves the fulfillment of many of his desires and goals, his wife and family are in perfect order, financially secure, but he begins to feel a certain dissatisfaction. How many men destroy their established lives, offending the feelings of loved ones for the sake of illusory freedom, the love of a young girl and their revival. How often does such a man end up lonely and disillusioned in the ruins of his life. He is not only a conqueror and builder, but also a brilliant destroyer of what he has already built.

School star

Once upon a time, a long time ago, he was the ultimate dream of any 17-year-old girl. High self-esteem helped him a lot during his studies, and no one was surprised when, at the age of 20, he found himself a sweet, smart and beautiful girl, quite worthy of a ring. However, he is just beginning to live! How much has not yet been tried, not explored, he told himself, and he broke up with his girlfriend when he was 24.

Seven years later, his hair had thinned and his fame as a high school basketball player had faded. He began to notice that girls like his ex-girlfriend no longer paid attention to him. Realizing that time was ticking and we weren't getting any better, he took a deep breath and lowered his standards considerably.

Fear of losing freedom

When, at what age and why does a man develop such a reverent attitude towards his freedom? He prefers the life of a single man, free, not burdened with duties and responsibilities. He stands for free love, or rather sexual relations. From time to time, he has similar available women, but he is not ready to enter into a long-term relationship with them. It is no coincidence that civil marriages have become so common in the modern world. Such a freedom-loving man, without straining, enjoys life for up to 45-50 years, and then frantically tries to find love, a life partner, the warmth of the hearth, care and understanding. The task is not easy, since few of the fairer sex will want to selflessly court an aging man. Here is another reason for a man’s loneliness in old age.

Contact mom

This is another type of single man who sometimes dates. In this case, we will not talk about those guys who are completely dependent on their mother and rely on her, but about those who allow her to manage their personal lives.

So, some mothers prohibit their sons from choosing a girl of a different nationality or create some other criteria that limit an adult. You should not get involved with such a man, because he will never have his own opinion. He does not want to take responsibility for his life, much less for someone else. It is much easier for him to play the victim and rely completely on his mother.

Character traits and loneliness

Many aspects of a person's personality are not taken into account at the beginning of a relationship, but they emerge or become stronger over time. Any of the men can be a carrier of various psychopathologies, such as autism, schizophrenia, alcoholism, drug addiction, and various addictions. They are accused of spinelessness and are tolerated for a long time, but sooner or later their wives doom such partners to loneliness. It is known that men are more susceptible to depression than women. The whole world is perceived by them in gloomy tones; it simply scares away those around them. And men suffering from autism do not strive to communicate with anyone at all, and they most often lead a secluded lifestyle and do not even attempt to start relationships with women. And there are also men whose character suggests a secluded lifestyle. They do not need friends and acquaintances; they are satisfied with the calm atmosphere of family life. The main thing is that the wife understands and accepts him as such.

Is it bad?

There is no clear answer to the question of whether a man can live alone. Of course, anyone is capable of living alone, but this will have a negative impact on their mental health. People need to communicate, enter into communications and build some kind of connections with each other. If this does not happen, then the person moves away from everything worldly and loses the ability to communicate. He becomes more closed and withdraws into himself. This may result in severe depression or the individual simply avoiding all contact.

Women and men's loneliness

In the modern world, the role of women has changed. She became more independent from a man, strong, self-confident and successful. Against the backdrop of the social cataclysms that took place in our country, it was the woman who showed the best qualities of a fighter. She survived. But she became different: independent and purposeful, active and self-confident. That is, a new type of woman has emerged - strong and independent, who prefer to make their own choices: to let this or that man into their lives, to lead him down the aisle, or to have an affair with him for the sake of having a child.

Men prefer to avoid such women and it is better to remain single than to be rejected.

One can talk a lot about the psychology of a lonely man, as well as about the loneliness of a woman. Each loneliness has its own story, the reasons are varied and interconnected. But the scary thing is that in the psychology of a lonely man, the habit of living for the sake of his beloved appears and selfishness is formed. Many of them are satisfied with this lifestyle, which is difficult for them to part with. What are men worth - gigolos, of which there are more and more.

Women may wonder whether it is possible to persuade a single man to marry or have a love relationship. Of course, this is possible only if he himself wants to part with his status as a single man. But if he wants, then you should try to understand the psychological reasons for his loneliness before entering into a serious relationship with him.

What to do if you're lonely?

Before looking for methods to deal with feelings of loneliness, a man needs to eradicate the negative factors and causes that aggravate the situation. Psychologists strongly recommend against using alcohol to solve problems, against random encounters and new disappointments against this background. It is also contraindicated to suffer from idleness, which leads to gloomy thoughts, refusal of communication and contact with people.


Famous psychologists and psychotherapists share advice and recommendations on what to do for a lonely person. And first of all, the problem must be accepted by analyzing the provoking factors. In fact, many men find it most difficult to realize and accept their loneliness. Having realized the problem, you must speak out loud or on paper by keeping a diary.

The most effective way to get rid of loneliness is self-development, which can consist of several points:

  • You need to remember that it is always interesting to communicate and have connections with a comprehensively developed person, so you need to look for new hobbies and interests, read books.
  • A foreign language is an excellent option for developing and acquiring new skills, so you can sign up for courses. You can also engage in dancing, creative sports, music, wood carving, swimming or other activities.
  • The gym is a great opportunity to improve your health and appearance, which will increase your self-esteem and chances of finding a soul mate.
  • Traveling, tourism, and improving your qualifications in your career will help you expand your horizons.
  • A positive attitude will be the key to finding new acquaintances, friends and more. There is no need to touch upon negative aspects when communicating with people; it is better to always be smiling, talkative and at the same time able to listen to your opponent.

It is worth refusing to communicate on the Internet, as this is simply a substitution of concepts. Live communication or telephone conversations will be an excellent opportunity to practice communication skills. The best source of information will be a book rather than sites on the World Wide Web.


In order not to spend time alone with melancholy and boredom, it is important for a man to lead a mobile and active lifestyle. Sport is the best choice for those who suffer from depression, lack of communication and friends, self-doubt and blues. Psychologists offer several options for combating loneliness:

  • physical activity improves body contour and self-esteem, as well as good mood, so you can sign up for an aerobic or gym;
  • the gym will become a place for people with similar interests ; you can engage in martial arts, boxing, karate, or you can sign up for swimming, yoga or dancing;
  • if a man does not have the opportunity to visit the gym, you can simply develop the habit of jogging in the fresh air, walking in the park , cycling or rollerblading.

Sport helps in a short time to find new acquaintances, colleagues in interests and hobbies, and perhaps a soul mate. If you engage in any kind of sports, one way or another a person will have to be in a group, which has a beneficial effect on the fight against loneliness.

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