How to get rid of guilt forever - psychology and recovery techniques

Scientists from Princeton University, USA, have found that a heightened sense of guilt, the so-called “burden of conscience,” is directly related to excess weight. The weight of difficult deeds makes you feel mentally heavier. Which ultimately transfers directly to the physical form.

The example of the connection between guilt and physical fitness is not the only one that has been developed. However, the most obvious one. If the feeling of guilt has such a direct, such a significant effect on the appearance of obesity, excess weight, an increased feeling of heaviness, and clumsiness, then what can we say about more subtle categories? Such as: self-esteem, confidence, a sense of inner support, intuition?

The mechanism of guilt formation

In modern society, principles of ethics and morality, rules of behavior, formed on the concepts of “good” and “bad” have been developed. By becoming part of society, a person assimilates them. When he commits an act that contradicts his internal laws of behavior, he begins to experience shame, fear and guilt.

In psychology, guilt is a complex emotion. Many people believe that it is our conscience that makes us feel guilty. However, a smart conscience helps you make the right decision and tells you how to get out of a difficult situation with dignity. The feeling of guilt does not depend at all on conscience.

This emotion itself begins in early childhood, when, for educational purposes, parents begin to shame the child for “bad” behavior. The child becomes ashamed and has doubts about the correctness of his actions. And when parents punish their child, the child, in addition to shame, begins to experience fear.

Being under such continuous pressure, the child automatically begins to feel guilty for every condemned act. As an adult, he continues to bear this burden. The feeling that he is guilty before everyone does not let him go. It becomes his habitual reaction to criticism from others.

Psychologists call this state neurotic guilt; a feeling of guilt arises without any compelling reason or reason. This imaginary feeling of guilt is very common.

Why is it dangerous to blame yourself?

Don't forget, our world is a real mirror. Every event in life is a reflection of our consciousness and subconscious. Everything that we have inside ourselves - our attitudes, feelings and beliefs - is manifested in the outside world.

We ourselves continuously materialize the events of our lives. It is precisely this ability of ours that is associated with the enormous danger that the feeling of guilt is fraught with. The fact is that this feeling triggers a subconscious punishment program. This means that if we live with it constantly, we will definitely attract eternal losses, difficulties and deprivations. With your own thoughts.

Thus, by regularly experiencing feelings of guilt, you can easily poison your life: not only do we put psychological pressure on ourselves, feeling heaviness in our souls and pain in our hearts, but we also attract a lot of problems, negative events and unpleasant situations to ourselves , which we subconsciously perceive as “punishment”.

Is it possible to avoid this? And how to do this?

Imaginary guilt

With a false sense of guilt, a person considers himself guilty, although he has not done anything shameful. This feeling can occur in different situations. Here are some examples:

The mother leaves her small child in the care of other people or sends her to kindergarten too early.
A person who survives an accident begins to feel guilty that other people died. It seems to him that he took away the chance of survival from another person.
The child blames himself for his parents' divorce.

Experiencing a false sense of guilt, a person feels helpless, loses self-esteem and ceases to value himself. He tries to live up to other people's expectations. He wants to get approval from his environment.

If a person cannot figure out why he feels guilty, then this prevents him from living a normal life. It is very important to learn to distinguish real guilt, when a person is truly guilty, from a false sense of guilt imposed on him by other people.

A person who constantly blames himself for everything and in front of everyone becomes an easy prey for skilled manipulators. Manipulative people can easily “put pressure on the conscience” of such a person and shift all responsibility onto him.

It is important not to confuse the concepts of guilt and responsibility. If these concepts are replaced, a person begins to act out of fear, and not because he admitted his mistake and repented. Guilt provokes inaction. Responsibility, on the contrary, helps to realize to whom and for what exactly a person is guilty. In this case, the “culprit” knows who to ask for forgiveness and what to do to correct the unpleasant situation.

It is the sense of responsibility that helps to get rid of the feeling of guilt, both imaginary and real, and also to protect yourself from manipulators. It helps a person to act rather than worry pointlessly. But first, you should figure out whether yours is false.

Here are the main signs of imaginary guilt:

the feeling of guilt practically does not leave you;
you often apologize and ask for forgiveness;
you are ashamed of other people, and you feel guilty for their incorrect behavior (the salesman is rude, talks loudly on the phone in the theater, etc.);
when someone criticizes your work, you take it personally and consider yourself bad;
you worry about what other people thought of you and whether they understood you correctly;
when you are criticized, you begin to make excuses.

Guilt complex in psychology

The age period of 3–6 years is the time when a guilt complex can form as an internal negative regulator of behavior. “Creative initiative or guilt” is what psychoanalyst E. Erikson calls the main dilemma of psychological development at this age. The child acutely experiences the collapse of his sense of omnipotence and tries to protect himself from the unbearable feeling of helplessness, as if telling himself: “It just didn’t work out this time, but in general I can do everything. I didn’t, although I could have. So it’s my fault.”

Under favorable developmental conditions, the baby gradually comes to terms with the limitations of his capabilities, gets rid of the feeling of guilt, and the conflict is resolved towards the development of creative initiative. Suppression of children's activity by adults during this period leads to inadequate resolution of the crisis and the formation of anxiety, a guilt complex, and a passive life position.

Individuals who are unable to adequately assess the role of their own behavior in causing the grief of others are especially susceptible to experiencing pathological feelings of guilt. As a result, they tend to take responsibility not only for their own actions, but also for other people's emotional and behavioral reactions, including the fate of others. They feel that they always owe it to everyone, especially their parents, spouses, and children. The situation is complicated by the fact that the superego (conscience) takes energy from a person’s own aggression. Now imagine the power of negative feelings that a person with a guilt complex directs towards himself!

Causes of feelings of guilt

Feeling guilty is a negative emotion. Psychologists say that fear underlies any negative experience. This phenomenon occurs when a person makes a mistake and then realizes it. People react differently. Some draw the right conclusions and learn from their mistakes. And others torment themselves for years and live with a constant feeling of guilt.

A person is really guilty when he has committed a wrong act that contradicts his moral and ethical standards. For example, with a hangover after drinking at a corporate party, a man recalls that he danced on the table, called his boss names and pestered a married colleague. Having sobered up, he begins to suffer from a feeling of guilt and shame for what happened.

Imaginary feelings of guilt can arise for various reasons. Here are some of them:

Upbringing. Unfortunately, many parents themselves develop an unhealthy sense of guilt in their children, blaming the child for their troubles. They often say phrases to the child like: “Because of you, I had to blush at the meeting!” Therefore, from childhood, the child feels constantly guilty.
The desire for perfectionism. This reason is also from childhood. The child is praised for excellent studies and victories in competitions and scolded for bad grades and losses. And it turns out that, having already become an adult, a person suffers from this perfectionism imposed on him in childhood. He feels guilty every time he fails to get the perfect result. This also includes the unjustified expectations that parents had for their child.
Feeling of guilt directly towards the deceased. Death always comes suddenly and unexpectedly. Therefore, when someone close to you dies, a person begins to blame himself for the fact that he devoted little time to the deceased and did not have time to say important and warm words.
Rescue in a disaster. People who survived an accident or escaped during a natural disaster begin to feel guilty towards those who were unable to escape. They reproach themselves for not having time to help other people.
Irritation and anger towards loved ones. It happens that parents get angry with their child, scold him, punish him, and then blame themselves for not being able to restrain themselves. Likewise, children may feel guilty towards their parents for being angry with them.

There are actually many more reasons, but if you carefully consider each one, you will notice that they are all far-fetched or imposed on us by society.

Admit your responsibility

To use emotional energy more creatively, Virginie Meggle suggests moving from “I must” to “I can.”
“We often forget the difference between guilt and responsibility,” she warns, “as if, by accepting ourselves as responsible for something, we must inevitably declare ourselves unworthy. But responsibility means something else: we are aware of our actions, we do not avoid their consequences and we do not assume that we will certainly act badly. Moreover, responsibility (that is, my conscious recognition of my role in what happens to me) is the opposite of guilt." For example, I didn’t call my grandmother for weeks. Instead of making excuses (“I don’t have time, I’m working”), beating myself up (“I’m ungrateful”), or diminishing importance (“It’s no big deal”), I’ll think about the feelings I have for her, my desire to be or not to be next to her. This is responsibility: rejecting lies and recognizing the motives behind actions.

Impact on the human psyche

People with mental illness are often unfamiliar with feelings of guilt. They simply cannot experience this emotion. Therefore, its presence is characteristic of individuals with a healthy psyche.

When shame and guilt occur, a person usually experiences:

fear;
irritation towards oneself;
cardiopalmus;
muscle tension;
desire to hide.

From a constant feeling of guilt, a person develops a negative attitude towards himself, and the following happens:

A person believes that he is to blame for everything, and therefore allows others to freely invade his personal space.
The individual unconsciously strives for punishment. The consequence of this may be the loss of money or expensive things, he may “accidentally” get into an accident or be seriously injured. Such a person subconsciously plays the role of a victim and easily succumbs to the manipulation of others. Manipulators can easily control it.
The person is completely inactive, not trying to defend his point of view. He believes that he is worthy only of negative attitude.
A person constantly compares himself with the people around him.
He cannot build meaningful relationships and become happy.
A person loses self-confidence and becomes apathetic.

All this devastates a person, takes away his strength and energy. In addition to negative emotions and self-deprecation, a constant feeling of guilt is harmful to health, provoking the development of cancer, chronic fatigue, and back pain.

Nevertheless, the feeling of guilt teaches a person to distinguish bad from good and to empathize with others. Having committed an offense, he understands that he has neglected moral values. The feeling of guilt helps him not to repeat such bad actions in the future and apologize to people for what he has done, offering them help.

Self-worth practice

1. Write down in a notebook or phone those stories and incidents that give a pleasant impulse to the body. The body is one of the sincere litmus tests; we can deceive our thoughts, but it is extremely difficult to deceive the body! Those stories or situations that are felt in the body as relaxation, warmth, lightness are suitable.

2. Look at the situation from the outside. What qualities did you show in her? Do not limit yourself to the most obvious, this exercise is aimed at forming a holistic picture, expanding the usual perception scenarios.

For example. One of the situations that evokes a pleasant response in the body is a successfully organized vacation with friends, in which you successfully rented a house for four in the mountains and offered them a century. Let's look at what abilities are inherent in this situation. Let's use the list of primary and secondary abilities of the German psychotherapist N. Pezeshkian.

In our situation, the following abilities were definitely involved: punctuality, politeness, frankness, conscientiousness, fairness, diligence/achievement, frugality, reliability,

3. Expansion of the goal system. Which of these abilities can become a support for resolving a conflict situation? What abilities are up to, changing the most valuable? What things have I never noticed about myself before?

Dealing with feelings of guilt is energy-intensive and not easy. It requires attention, desire, and diligence on our part. However, going through all the stages of disidentifying oneself and the concept “I am to blame” or “I am to blame” opens up a previously conserved resource of initiative, freedom to choose what you like and the ability to enjoy life. And it's worth it!

Ways to get rid of guilt

Constantly feeling guilty, a person becomes a prisoner of his past, unable to act positively in the present. Ultimately, this leads to neurotic disorders. A whole and balanced person learns useful lessons from the past and takes responsibility for his life in the present.

To get rid of the painful oppression of guilt, do the following.

First of all, analyze the circumstances that made you feel guilty. If your actions caused harm to someone, then try to compensate for it and be sure to ask for forgiveness. The most important thing is that you will draw the right conclusion and in the future you will adapt faster in similar situations.
If your feeling of guilt is not related to a specific action, then focus on the person who causes this feeling in you. Think about what benefits this person has. After all, the reason for manipulation is always some kind of selfish goal. For example, if you constantly feel guilty towards your mother without good reason, then most likely she is trying to divert all your attention to herself.
When you realize that the feeling of guilt is not connected either with your actions or with a specific person, then the matter is in your psychological attitudes. Try writing a free-form letter on the topic “why I feel guilty.” This will help identify the problem and solve it quickly.
If you know relaxation techniques or know how to meditate, then during the meditation process ask yourself the question: “Why do I blame myself and torment myself?” Stop controlling your consciousness, let your thoughts flow freely - and then you will understand the true reason for your feelings of guilt. It is possible that you are consciously saving it. This happens to people who cannot let go of their guilt and thus punish themselves, for example, women after an abortion. In this case, you need to learn to forgive yourself. However, there is a danger that a person will abuse this skill and again commit rash acts. For example, a woman who feels guilty before her husband for cheating was able to forgive herself and cheated again. Now, after another sex with her lover, her conscience will be silent.
If all the techniques described above did not work for you, then the reason for your feelings of guilt is too complex. Seek help from a professional psychologist.

A person needs to learn to take responsibility for his actions, not to be afraid of the expected punishment, then the feeling of guilt will disappear on its own.

I recommend that you watch an interesting video on the topic.

Why is it so important to get rid of guilt or deny it altogether?

Guilt is an incredibly complex feeling that can disguise itself well and often turns out to be “false”: it happens that a person has done nothing wrong, but the feeling of guilt haunts him.

Indeed, some people feel guilty about literally everything: from their broken marriage, the illness of a loved one and the divorce of their parents to famine in Africa and the global economic crisis. They see a cause-and-effect relationship where there is none, punishing and reproaching themselves for the slightest offense.

This is especially pronounced in children. For example, a child didn’t do his homework and got a bad grade. Mom and dad were extremely upset and upset, thereby causing the baby to feel guilty.

After some time, the relationship between the parents for some reason deteriorates, quarrels become more frequent, misunderstandings grow... Ultimately, they decide to divorce.

Often in such a situation, the child is sure that it is all because of that very bad mark. If he had done his homework then, his parents would not have divorced. And again - a feeling of guilt, growing like a snowball.

Read on, and I will tell you about a method that will help you say goodbye to this destructive feeling once and for all.

Effective techniques

Psychology books describe various techniques that allow a person to cope with the destructive feeling of guilt. I have chosen the most effective ones for you.

Forgiveness

The most effective way to overcome feelings of guilt is to ask for forgiveness from the person you have harmed, sincerely apologize, repent of what you have done, and confess. Confession in Orthodoxy helps to cleanse the soul of sins. It happens that even a simple mental dialogue with the person towards whom you feel guilty helps you realize what needs to be done to compensate for the damage.

Public repentance

Often a person is ashamed to talk about an event that makes him feel guilty. He begins to consider himself unworthy of good treatment. In order for a person to accept himself again, he needs to speak out to someone.

Close people or a psychological support group will help with this, with whom you can share your “terrible secret.” In response, the “culprit” will receive feedback. Most often, he receives sympathy and respect instead of the expected condemnation. The person has a more positive view of himself. Gradually, he can get rid of the painful feeling of guilt and begin to perceive himself from a positive point of view.

Moral court

Imagine that you are in the dock, and your inner voice acts as a prosecutor, reprimanding you for the act you committed. I can't hear your lawyer. Think back in time to the events after which you began to feel guilty.

Try to justify yourself with the same force with which you blamed yourself. Very often people forget that they could not at that moment predict the consequences of their actions and actions. They also forget to clarify whether they actually caused irreparable damage.

Provocations of the manipulator

Manipulators deliberately induce feelings of guilt in their victims. For example, during a breakup, one of the partners will blame the other, not allowing him to leave calmly. It is necessary to learn to recognize manipulation and not succumb to such provocations.

In order not to feel guilty before your relatives and in particular before your mother, remind yourself that you love them and show care of your own free will, and not because they force you. You are not obligated to comply with all their whims.

Positive approach

Even if you really committed a bad act, feeling guilty is not an entirely correct reaction to the act. The correct reaction is to find a way that will help correct what was done, as well as compensate for the harm caused. When, alas, nothing can be corrected, then you learn a lesson for the future.

You feel guilty not because of a bad deed, but because you begin to consider yourself unworthy. However, we are all not without sin. And life is constant development, rethinking of values and one’s past experiences.

On a blank piece of paper, draw a vertical line. On the left, describe your offense, and on the right, write all the good things you have done, including today. Look at what happened. Most likely you will turn out to be a completely worthy and good person. Accept your past and use it as a source of motivation to become a better person.

How to get rid of it?

Long-term work on yourself is required. You can’t get rid of this feeling with a magic pill in the form of technology. It is important to change not only your behavior style, but also your thinking. Explore in which situations it occurs more often, and in which, on the contrary, it does not arise at all. In which ones is it simulated and demonstrated to others, because it seems that all decent people should experience it at such a moment, and in which ones does it manifest itself completely sincerely, naturally and consciously?

Refund Process

If a person violates the boundaries of another person, he feels that he is not so good, kind and beautiful. And then he needs to do something to free himself from this unpleasant feeling. This action is usually called “smoothing”. This helps to maintain or establish contact with the one you offended. And you also need to get rid of shame for your behavior in order to regain your former freedom of expression.

So, the gestalt, as they say, should be completed. Think about what you can offer to pay for your wrongdoing? There are, of course, situations when the debt cannot be repaid, for example, when it concerns the health or life of another person. Then all that remains is to come to terms with what you have done and atone for the sin, for example, by helping the disadvantaged and the needy. This will allow you to become at least a little involved in good deeds. Then your soul will feel better, your self-esteem will be restored a little, and shame will not be so toxic, isolating, and limiting.

Restoring sensitivity

It is important to regain the right to be who you are. Yes, let’s say something irreparable happened, but then we won’t be able to do anything except accept what happened as a given, drawing appropriate conclusions so that the situation does not repeat itself in the future. We are not perfect, we are not ideal, and it is thanks to this that we have the opportunity to develop and move forward, since there is something to work on.

Changing behavior style

Stop making excuses, this is how you put yourself in a position convenient for accusations. You did what you did. Because they wanted to do it that way. And you yourself will bear responsibility for this. All. Then they won’t be able to “hang” someone else’s and unnecessary things on you. Learn to refuse people. Yes, this is directly related to our topic. Let me give you an example: they bought a toy for a child because he was scolded a lot the day before, and now I want to please him so that he quickly forgets how angry his mother can be. Good mothers don't lose their temper. And they only make their children happy. And they themselves experience happiness every second from understanding what kind of kids they are growing up. Even if they are currently lowering the phone into the toilet and throwing porridge around. Is that how it is generally accepted?

Take this article into account, it will help you become more self-confident and encourage you to defend your boundaries and rights without ingratiating yourself or trying to please.

Close connections

Reconsider the circle of people with whom you communicate closely. And those who seek to control you, take advantage of your kindness, lower position in society, and so on. If there are those around whom you are not comfortable and happy, why do you stay in a relationship? You don’t have to break them right away, just be aware of why and why. Then you will be honest with yourself, which means you will be more responsible.

Remember - when you have done something and feel guilty, it means that you have not taken responsibility for what you did. And only when you decide how to deal with the consequences, only then will you get rid of this feeling pressing on your chest.

Useful materials on the topic

I have prepared a selection of several courses that will help you get rid of guilt and other negative experiences.

Brain fitness

Description. A very unusual course on getting rid of negativity. It's not cheap, but the price is worth it. By purchasing a course, you first of all receive theoretical material, tests and exercises to work with any negative thoughts. After 1-2 weeks, you receive a device by mail for more effective development of the program - a neural interface.

If you look at the guy in the picture, you will just see the neural interface on his head. This little machine analyzes the waves your brain constantly emits. Naturally, depending on the emotions you experience, these waves will be different. From the neural interface, bluetooth information can be uploaded to your personal Wikium account, where it will be analyzed, after which you will receive specific recommendations on how to get out of an oppressive state.

I have never seen such programs on the Internet before. Wikium experts recommend using the neural interface for only 15 minutes a day, although you can do this more often, especially to see the amplitudes of fluctuations in different emotional states.

Authors: practicing psychologists from Wikium.

Cost: 17,990 rub.

Start studying

Brain Detoxification

Description. This is a cheap training course that will help you quickly remove all negativity from your head and start living a full life. There are ten lessons with theory, but they are accompanied by many exercises, techniques, tests, tables and diagrams.

Of course, not only guilt is analyzed, but also other emotional experiences. Remember, have you ever had a time when an unpleasant situation or memory just wouldn’t leave your head - you constantly replayed thoughts and images in your mind that oppressed you, and you felt more and more depressed? It is these conditions that an expert teacher will help you get out of. No pills or other medications.

Authors: Victor Shiryaev.

Cost: 990 rub.

Start studying

Emotional intellect

Description. We need emotional intelligence not only to better understand the emotions of others and communicate more effectively with them. It also helps to control our own emotions and not give them the opportunity to take over our mind.

There are twenty lessons in this course, they are accompanied by tests, exercises and many, many simulators. According to the teacher, every student who undergoes training here gains a sense of calm, self-confidence, and can easily stop any negative experiences. After completing the first ten lessons, you will notice that you begin to concentrate better on the tasks at hand and fall asleep calmly at night.

Author: Oleg Kalinichev.

Cost: 990 rub.

Start studying

Be sure to check out the free materials that Wikium offers. First of all, webinars. They are held weekly and the topics change periodically. Most often, the topic of the webinar is the human brain, its secrets and features of work. There are also purely psychological topics - on communication, emotions, interaction with other people.
The second interesting thing is free exercise equipment. There are one hundred of them, they are divided into groups according to the skills they develop. Most simulators are aimed at memory and thinking, but there are, for example, an emotional intelligence simulator and other programs on psychological topics. There is no need to pay for anything.

Mental self-regulation from 4Brain

Description . Another high-quality material that will help you calm down and start living a full life, despite the stress and negativity around you. You will undergo training for 5 weeks, the total number of lessons here is 25, the duration of one lesson is only 20-30 minutes.

The authors try to give as little theoretical information as possible and focus on practice. You will practice your skills through games, exercises, and tests. The course contains the most popular and modern techniques from domestic and foreign sources.

You can study from a tablet computer or phone, because the 4Brain interface is well optimized for mobile devices. The summary of materials with test results remains with you after complete completion of the training.

The course is not suitable for those who have been experiencing very deep depression for several months or years. To get out of it, it is better to contact a professional psychotherapist.

Authors : Alena Luneva, Dmitry Radin, Evgeny Buyanov, Kirill Nogales.

Cost : 1,990 rub.

Start studying

Three types of guilt

Guilt is not a feeling inherent in nature. In the formation of negative emotions, an important role is played by upbringing, as well as certain events.

There are three types of wine:

Neurotic. Precedes a planned offense, caused by fear of violating obligations and regulations. The condition rarely has a real basis, and in childhood it is accompanied by minor violations of parental requirements.

The emotion becomes a consequence of family conflicts, violations of religious rules, and fear of loss of trust. The feeling that accompanies the impossibility of achieving a goal. It can be caused by the death of a loved one, infidelity, abortion, betrayal.

Instead of fighting a negative emotion, a person prone to neurotic guilt develops it.

Real. Follows a misdemeanor or crime that has occurred. Accompanied by punishment or independent atonement, which is expressed in an apology or material compensation for the damage caused.

Existential. It is expressed in the awareness of a wasted life, during which inclinations and talents were not realized. A person feels like a criminal against himself. Existential guilt often becomes the impetus for a positive change in life position, which results in vigorous activity and increased self-esteem.

Relationship between mother and child

In the variety of emotions that arise, a special place is given to the relationship between adult family members and children. Parental feelings are rarely under control and awareness. Although the guilt is justified, it is neurotic in nature.

A negative feeling arises immediately after an inappropriate act towards a child (swearing, physical force) and indicates the parent’s self-criticism. On the one hand, this emphasizes well-established family relationships, but you should not bring yourself to self-flagellation.

The assumption of not living up to the ideal mother causes maternal guilt in women. It is fueled by its own ideas and public opinion. The object of the direction of emotion becomes the woman herself, as well as her children and the people around her. The feeling of guilt grows in proportion to the desire to conform to the ideal, which in reality is rarely achievable.

In the mind of a child whose brain is not burdened by social regulations, the best quality of a mother remains calm and natural. Guilt, correcting behavior and accompanied by an apology, favors the positive development of parent-child relationships.

If, with attempts to achieve perfection, the feeling takes a permanent form, or precedes an imperfect offense, the adult’s emotion negatively affects the child’s psyche, with a subsequent deterioration in family relationships.

Looking for a way out

Tormented from within, we are looking for a way out. How to get rid of eternal guilt? We try to behave like a saint who has no desires of his own, but we are not very successful. The more we ignore our desires and repress unworthy thoughts, the more sacrifices the “Super-Ego” requires. When we have a real reason to be angry with ourselves, it paradoxically pacifies us, although not for long.

38-year-old Larisa, tired of refuting accusations of infidelity, started an affair. “The fortune teller predicted to my husband that I would betray him. He was always jealous, but then he started watching me. So several months passed, I began to feel dirty. And what had to happen happened... But I believe that it’s not only me who is to blame - he too!”

Shifting the blame to someone else is one of the most popular strategies for avoiding guilt. “It’s not I who was late, but you who set the time wrong.” “I broke your favorite vase, but you yourself put it on the edge of the table!” Alas, it is not very good to free yourself from your suffering at someone else’s expense. Moreover, there is a risk that our guilt will double: we will be guilty of both the mistake and the refusal to admit it.

There is another technique that is not so cruel to others: to hide from guilt behind the idea of omnipotence. This is what the hero of the film “The Incredible Life of Walter Mitty” does: a modest little man, crushed by his surroundings, comes up with scenarios in which he becomes a hero. But the feeling of insignificance returns, and we soon have to reproach ourselves for our ridiculous dreams.

To free yourself from the burden of guilt, you need to find or regain the pleasure of being yourself. The philosopher Benedict Spinoza noted that many of our mistakes come from comparison. A blind person only looks worse when compared to a sighted person - especially if we assume that being human means seeing well, he says. But if you stop comparing, then a blind person can be “perfect” in himself. The first step to reconciliation with yourself is to stop thinking in terms of “I am more than someone else” and “I am less than someone else.” “I am, I exist” – that’s all.

Right choice

A typical situation is that we choose a vacation that we have been planning for a long time instead of caring for our sick parents. A feeling of guilt immediately arises, which poisons our entire vacation. We are no longer so happy about the sun and sea; we prefer to bite ourselves for our actions. Another example is the infidelity of a husband. He promises his mistress to go to her, to leave his wife, but due to her state of health or pity, he does not do this. That is, the husband avoids making a choice, preferring to instill a feeling of guilt instead of a difficult situation.

It cannot be said that all our actions, misdeeds or mistakes can be assessed from one point of view. There are quite difficult situations in life that force us to take certain actions. It is not so easy to draw a line between good and evil, because it simply does not exist. According to Immanuel Kant, lying is always evil. But in life there are examples of noble lies, lies for salvation. The police lie to the terrorists to force them to release the hostages. Would such a lie be considered evil?

Often the problem of guilt arises from a conflict between emotions and duty. In this case, we will always feel guilty, regardless of the chosen solution. This situation is described in the story “The Man on the Clock” by Nikolai Leskov. It is noteworthy that the story is based on a real case, this further confirms that life situations are quite ambiguous. According to the plot of the story, the main character stands on duty at the Winter Palace and hears that a man is drowning in the Neva. He is prohibited from leaving his post, but the need to save human life outweighs his sense of duty. As a result, the main character feels guilty for violating the oath and is ready to suffer any punishment. He receives two hundred rods, and this measure even pleases him. Everyone had similar life situations

The main factors that we pay attention to during a painful choice are ideas about good and bad, our conscience