There are many reasons why a person feels lonely, and almost everyone goes through it. Loneliness is a certain stage in a person’s life, and absolutely everyone can overcome it. In my case, I live abroad, away from my friends and family. I don't speak the local language well, which makes it difficult to interact with people. Sometimes I feel lonely because I miss home, and I know many other people who are in a similar situation and experience bouts of loneliness from time to time.
Some people really find it difficult to cope with loneliness. This condition can lead to depression, despondency and melancholy, but there are also those for whom loneliness is fleeting and can be overcome with the right thinking and certain changes in lifestyle.
About loneliness
Loneliness is one of the most unpleasant feelings. Especially if you experience it while in a crowd. This is an obstacle to happiness that must be overcome. After all, loneliness suppresses our inner strength and motivation. A person does not find happiness in little things, he sees only negativity in everything. In such terrible moments, it seems as if the whole world is against you.
We invite you to learn how to get rid of loneliness together.
Replace "loneliness" with "solitude"
Paul Tillich wrote: “Language wisely separates two sides of one phenomenon. There is a word for loneliness that means suffering without others. And there is a word, “solitude,” which means bliss without others. Turn away from loneliness with its criticism and isolation. Turn to face its more welcoming brother - solitude.
Solitude is closer to a conscious decision and allows you to maintain your self-esteem. Solitude is a personal choice, while loneliness is a condition imposed by circumstances.
An old Buddhist saying goes, “A tenth of an inch is the difference, and heaven and earth are separate.” Solitude and loneliness are also separated by a tenth of an inch, but it is crucial for our sense of self.
When you live alone, you have to rethink your worldview, and this is not all the changes. Don't even think about considering living alone as a prison sentence that you have to serve. Change your perspective. Reframe the concept. Solitude is not a stone around your neck, but a protective capsule. A means to achieve a goal. Learn to draw strength from it - and you will be rewarded.
Accept yourself
First you need to work on yourself.
Why do I feel lonely? Maybe this is due to low self-esteem, reluctance to go out into society, lack of self-confidence, fear of entering into relationships with people? The reason for all these problems is that you have not established contact with yourself. Of course, this is a long process that requires patience and strength. A psychologist can help you with this. If you think you can do without it, then start developing your abilities. Sign up for a dance class, get a gym or pool membership, go to an art or music school. You will definitely find yourself in some activity!
Positive and negative sides
Your position has its advantages:
- In order to relieve stress from the crazy rhythm of modern life, it is useful to be sad with a mug of coffee. This will give you the opportunity to relieve tension and sort your thoughts into shelves.
- Now you can understand, for example, your parents, whom you haven’t called for a long time. Make up for this omission immediately.
- Your current position will teach you to be open to people without any self-interest. You will understand what it is like to appreciate those around you.
And the cons:
- Severe, oppressive loneliness can lead to deep stress from which it is difficult to lift a person out of it. And these are health problems, sometimes serious.
- A habitual way of life can kill all the strengths of a person’s personality: self-esteem will fall, a bunch of complexes will appear, and problems in socialization will appear. So don't delay.
- You will lose interest in everything at all.
We draw conclusions: you can sometimes succumb to the blues, but not to despair.
So, this article is written to help you answer the question: how to get rid of loneliness? Exactly get rid of
, and not reconcile. Then it’s up to you and what conclusions you have now drawn for yourself. We hope that if we didn’t convince you, we at least brightened up a boring evening.
Ask the right questions
To find out what’s wrong with you, you should ask yourself the question: “What exactly am I missing to stop feeling lonely?” By answering it as honestly as possible, you will understand what needs to be done to solve the problem.
- Maybe you feel lonely because you moved to another city and you miss your parents? Organize trips to your home as often as possible, call and write to your loved ones.
- Maybe you feel bad because of the loss of your beloved pet? Make yourself a new friend.
- Maybe you are missing flirting, romance and love? Try to take a closer look at the people around you. Probably, in the bustle, you simply forgot that you wanted to build a relationship.
What to do if you feel lonely? Communicate and dialogue with yourself. This is the only way you can eradicate the problem.
Find your ikigai - your purpose
The Japanese have a concept called ikigai - the reason that makes them get up in the morning. This is a person’s healthy craving for what fills his life with meaning; in other words, the goal. Finding it means finding the direction of movement; it's like marking a destination on Google Maps.
If you don’t set yourself such global goals as finding a higher goal or calling, if you’re not at all interested in that, don’t worry. Not everyone is born for a great mission.
There are many threads of experience in our lives that point the way to our goal. It happens that it is already known, but perhaps it is hidden on the periphery or in the past. Look into the depths of your consciousness and search hard. The goal does not have to be global and great. The main thing is that it suits you. She will be found; and you don't have to chase it too hard. Life constantly talks to us and gives us hints. Our job is to listen.
Think positively
One of the problems of loneliness is the negativity that we bring upon ourselves. Feel the difference:
- “No one in the group understands me.”
- “I haven’t made any friends in this group yet, but it’s temporary.”
Agree, these are two completely different statements. And our thoughts affect our mood. So why think in a negative way when you can rephrase the thought with bright colors?
A good way to start thinking positively is to create an environment where there is an atmosphere of kindness and love, and people do not think negatively.
What to do to overcome the fear of loneliness
People with a visual vector can experience not only loneliness. They may experience fear - they are afraid of loneliness. These feelings - loneliness and fear - often go together, since both feelings are a sign of insufficient realization of the visual vector. Therefore, many manifestations of living alone in people are associated with fear. Fear of love, fear of relationships, fear of life. Fear of the dark, heights, people...
When loneliness is intensified by a feeling of fear, the unbearable, depressing state is further aggravated.
What to do?
Out of fear we must grow love. Fear is “about yourself.” Love is “about something else.” It’s enough to look around and start giving your attention, warmth of soul, positive, inspiring emotions to others. People who are in difficult life situations or bad emotional states. Children, old people...
Understand that it's just a feeling
Why drown in the negativity and dark colors of life if you can understand one important truth? It is as follows:
- Understand that loneliness is just a feeling.
- In many cases it is fleeting and impermanent.
- The situation can be changed.
- This problem is only in your head.
- And it passes if you act correctly.
Confront your thoughts and you will see reality change for the better.
The problem can be solved - get rid of loneliness
It is impossible for people with visual and sound vectors to get used to the state of loneliness. Unfulfilled innate desires will hurt and periodically cover the owner of the visual vector with a feeling of terrible loneliness or a state of terrible depression - the sound player.
It is possible to avoid loneliness and the severe conditions associated with it with the help of the knowledge of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
With the help of system-vector psychology, you can learn the secrets of your psyche and the psyche of other people, get to know yourself, and learn to understand others. Free yourself from the consequences of psychological trauma. Find out why a gloating person is a candidate for loneliness, and a person who shares his meal with others will never be lonely. Reveal the mystery of the nature of men and women and the secrets of building happy relationships in mutual love for life.
If you want to change the feeling of loneliness to the feeling of joy of life with your loved one, come to the free online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register using the link.
Author Galina Kuzmenko
The article was written using materials from online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan
Keep yourself busy
Why does a person feel lonely? Often this is determined precisely by boredom. Think for yourself: at what moments do you feel lonely? If you realize that you feel completely normal during any work, then do not worry: your problem can be solved.
Keep yourself busy. Dedicate yourself more to study, work, and self-development. Read, travel more often, learn foreign languages, start cooking, knitting or sewing, learn to ride a bike or skateboard, join a gym, walk with a friend’s dog, go to the park and take pictures of the surroundings. In general, there are actually just a lot of things to do. And all of them can calmly distract you from negative thoughts.
What to do if life with a dog is so good that you don’t need people
People with the anal vector, in a state of resentment, the experience of an unfulfilled relationship, can choose to live without people - with a dog. They do not consider themselves lonely, rationalizing this by saying that a dog is a faithful friend who will not betray.
But if their communication is limited only to communication with the dog, they may experience, in addition to longing for the past, resentment towards members of their former family, unconscious loneliness. It will manifest itself, since the desire to communicate with others is not realized - it will hurt, regardless of whether it is realized or not.
Owners of the anal vector are created for the family, for giving birth and raising children. These are their values and the ability to realize the properties of the psyche - everything that gives meaning to life. Loneliness caused by past grievances does not bring satisfaction.
What to do? Understand your conditions and the reasons that led to them. This can be done at a free online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. Understanding the reasons why loneliness was chosen will help change your life scenario to a more successful one.
Get out of your comfort zone
Probably everyone would like to spend all their days at home watching TV and watching their favorite series. But you will never develop social skills this way.
Look for new places where you would like to spend time: museums, parks, cinema, circus, theater, exhibitions, literary clubs. This way you will expand your social circle and perhaps learn something important. After all, it is through communication that we learn from the experiences of other people and their positive qualities. Many people pull us up, motivate us and set the bar we strive for throughout our lives. Change your environment, and you will immediately notice how loneliness begins to go away.
What to do if you want to love, but are lonely in life
"Be in love! I want to love so much!” This is about people who have a visual vector. This is their natural innate desire. This is their natural ability. Only those with a visual vector are able to love like no one else.
And yet, not all owners of the visual vector can experience such a strong feeling, such love in life. Some of them, on the contrary, are single or in a relationship, but experience a feeling of loneliness.
The “Love” state is the maximum filling of the developed visual vector. This internal state is “I love.” A person falls in love when he projects his inner state outward. In love, the internal state is primary, and not the object of love.
The nature of the visual vector is to love, build emotional connections, close relationships. When these natural desires are not fulfilled, visual people experience a painful feeling - loneliness. This is the law of the psyche: when an innate desire is not fulfilled, it hurts.
Considering the property of the psyche of people with a visual vector to the maximum possible amplitudes in their states, it is even difficult to imagine what despair, emptiness and feeling of uselessness they can experience, feeling themselves the most unhappy at the extreme point of the state of loneliness.
What to do? Develop, fill and realize your innate qualities and desires - draw, create, sincerely help other people. Read books and watch films that fill and develop the soul - for empathy, about love. Attention from your own experiences must be redirected to helping others. Learn to build sincere emotional connections with people - talk about feelings, emotions, and not about where they sell what, who said what.
Share your fortune
Don't be afraid to open up and talk about your feelings and emotions. Find a person you trust and share your condition with him. Perhaps your interlocutor has ever been in the same situation as you, and therefore will tell you how to find a way out.
If you do not have a close friend, write about your problem in the appropriate forums. Surely you will find the support and empathy you need.
If you think that your appearance tells everyone that you are sad, then this is often not the case. It’s better to tell someone about your experiences. It will definitely make you feel better!
Control your reactions
Very often you will have to mobilize all your internal resources to remain strong and courageous. You must admit that you cannot run away from unpleasant emotions or shrug them off. You must face them, acknowledge these feelings, understand them properly and learn to control them.[…]
It's important to remember this when people hurt your feelings, either intentionally or accidentally. They themselves are not always aware of the impact of their words and actions. At such moments, I try not to forget that people are only projecting their own attitude towards themselves onto me. By impulsively reacting to your interlocutor’s remark, you give him your strength. If I see that a person is really trying to hurt me, then I mentally raise a shield with a mirror facing him in order to protect myself and show him that now he is not talking about me, but about himself.
Of all the advice I have received in life, one of the most useful was the following: you cannot influence how people will treat you or change some situations, but you can control your reaction to them.
You cannot change the direction of the wind, but you can control your sails.
The same goes for living alone: perhaps you would like to share shelter with another adult or have a family, but the reality is that there is no one nearby, so how joyful such a life will be for you will depend only on your attitude to the current situation .
As my own life experience shows, difficulties strengthen us. A grain of sand in a shell turns into a pearl. Therefore, perceive any troubles - and they will be - as veils, through which you will become stronger and wiser. And if you urgently need to throw out your seething emotions, take a dozen eggs and go for a walk in the forest; Throw the eggs into the trees with all your strength - and feel how satisfaction replaces anger!
Pay attention to your loved ones
Call your parents or relatives right now. Sometimes even one call can lift your spirits. Who knows, maybe you will be invited to visit them and you will definitely feel better knowing that someone needs you?
Moreover, it is your parents who will always accept, understand and support you. Chances are they don't even know about your condition. Be sure to tell your loved ones about what worries you. Their emotions and support are sincere, and you won't have to feel like there's a catch.
Be kind to yourself
We women are prone to harsh self-criticism, and it seems to me that living alone exacerbates this quality of ours. Sometimes I feel like the central mast of a circus big top - when I have to be responsible for everything at once - and I don’t always cope with this load successfully. We demand too much from ourselves, and when we don't meet our own expectations, it significantly undermines our self-esteem.
Not everything is going smoothly for everyone. So don't think about others. Congratulate yourself on the progress you have made and do not be afraid of what remains to be accomplished. Everything will work out.
Each of us has our own path, and it is different for everyone.
Look for friends with similar interests
There is no person who does not have one hobby. At least one movie watched, one book read - and you can already find common ground with your interlocutor.
The Internet is a great resource for finding friends. Look for people like you. Maybe you once lived in the same city or went to the same pool? This is a great way to cheer up when a person is feeling lonely.
Probably, strong friendships are the key to happiness. Where are we without support, love, affection and positive emotions?
Decide who you want to be
Using three adjectives, describe the kind of person you want to be.
Perhaps the image will change over time, but the very fact of its presence is very important: the selected qualities will serve as your value guide and the basis for decisions and actions. Perhaps some qualities will be relevant for a short time, for a specific task or goal. Others will stay with you for a long time. Decide for yourself. Adjectives don't have to be serious. You may have gone through difficult times, so cheer yourself up. Consider whether you want to be: positive, brave, kind, skillful, strong, motivated, calm, optimistic, wise, gentle, loving, resilient, generous, compassionate, open, effective, friendly, active, energetic, patient, happy, generous , passionate, disciplined, responsible, caring.
Act like the person you would like to become and you will eventually become that person. Be your own beacon and guide.
What about pets?
Many people, living alone in an apartment, specifically buy themselves a dog, cat, hamster, or parrot. After all, you always have someone to talk to. You will look after your pet, feed, water, and clean up after it. These are already good activities that can distract you from loneliness.
Besides, what could be better than the moment when your beloved pet comes into your lap or asks to be held in your arms? It is then that you will understand that you are loved and there is no reason to drown in loneliness. After all, you have found a reliable friend.
Classification
Before taking action, let's look at the reasons why a person may feel that he is alone in this world.
- Without elders . That is, if we lack experience in something, we need a person who has already encountered a similar situation and can give advice, tell their story, and simply support. This is someone to whom you can complain, share your fears. And just say, for example, that you’re tired of coping with something or tired of being alone...
- Without equal . There is no one who shares the same opinion, with whom the views on life are similar, to understand that I am not the only one in this world.
- Without juniors . It is important not only to receive, but also to give, warmth, accumulated knowledge, experience, love, care, etc. When receiving something from stronger and more experienced people, it is necessary to pass it on. For example, this is how values and knowledge are passed on from generation to generation. When a child, receiving care and love from his parents, grows up and becomes capable of raising his own children.
- Gender , that is, the need for a family partner, the desire to love and be loved.
- Professional . It is important for a person to feel that he belongs to some group; this is one of the components of his identity, an understanding of his place in this world...
Help others
In order to receive support, you must take action. Help your friends: babysit their child. Then his parents will finally be able to go to the cinema. Walk a friend's dog while she studies for an exam. Hold the supermarket door when grandma enters the store.
By doing such things, you realize that someone needs you. Without your help, all these people would not be happy.
In addition, good actions are rewarded. Perhaps next time your friends will also invite you to the cinema, a friend will help you out, and in old age they will also hold the door and wait for you to enter.
How to deal with loneliness?
You've probably already found your mistakes. Now we begin to correct them. For example:
- We lower the demands on the people around us and then they will immediately be drawn to you.
- Let's get rid of prejudices. No one wants to offend you, deceive you or humiliate you. The world is beautiful and there are more good people in it than bad. We begin to believe in it.
- We develop a sense of humor. We treat the situation with irony, and with good jokes towards our interlocutors.
- We get a pet at home; at first, it will raise your mood to the required level.
- Sport perfectly invigorates and strengthens the spirit.
- Engage in mutual relief from melancholy. Find similarly bored people on the forums.
If you feel unnecessary, the solution is simple - become necessary to yourself and those around you.
You are not alone in your experiences
How to stop feeling lonely? Probably find people who are experiencing the same condition as you. Remember that you are not alone in the fact that right now, somewhere in the world, someone else is sad. What if you unite and start supporting each other, giving care and attention?
There are many forums on the Internet dedicated to loneliness. Try to find a friend or even a soul mate there. Who knows, maybe you both lack love?
Recommendations
Nothing to do
If you realize that you have become unbearably sad and melancholy, the very first thing you should do is do nothing. Because sometimes, frightened by this state, a person tries to run away from it, rushing headlong into the first relationship he comes across, in which over time he begins to realize that it has become even worse. Or he tries to directly “merge” with another person, perceiving him as a single whole.
This is justified for babies, because it increases the chance of survival, since they are not able to take care of themselves on their own. But for a grown-up and adult person, this moment will in any case be destructive and useless. Do you know why? Because figuratively, “merging” with another, a person loses his boundaries, that is, he ceases to understand where he ends and the other begins.
Well, for example, a partner likes a certain dish, and then, without relying on one’s feelings, one can also assume that he really likes it. It also happens that when running away, you can run past someone with whom you could easily share intimacy. So, no matter how painful and difficult it may be, stop. You shouldn’t rush without looking back, so as not to “fly into” obstacles that you won’t have time to see.
The Importance of Solitude
Remember, if you cannot be alone with yourself, then you cannot be in contact with another person. Anyone who has fully experienced this state will value relationships in the future, he will be able to “immerse” in them and be nearby. And it is then, noticing his separation from the other and the differences with him, that he will feel closeness, understand that he is not alone in this world, and that his soul has finally calmed down.
And if it’s not easy for you now, just think about the resourcefulness of such a state, allow yourself to be in it, without running away, without trying to be distracted. Since attention is directed deep into yourself, then take advantage of this moment, explore every corner, for example, what do you like and what don’t? What do you want, besides intimacy, and why, by the way, do you need it? What if you discover something important and valuable that will help you find harmony?
So the moment it becomes unbearable, start interviewing yourself. It is recommended to write down questions and answers, this will improve the process of awareness, and later it will be possible to compare what you were and what you have become. Observe your reactions, how you are treated, take tests, which, by the way, you can find on the blog.
Make a list of goals, set life priorities and study what is included in your value system. Describe what kind of man or woman you are, what you can do and what qualities you have? What part of yourself, both physical and moral, can you find interesting for your partner? What feelings arise and in what situations? How do you express them and how do you handle them? How do you cope with stress and generally react to difficulties? See how much work there is?
After all, what do you usually do when you feel lonely? They suffer and think how bad everything is, gradually driving themselves into the clutches of depression. But if you take advantage of the situation to get closer to yourself, you will acquire a lot of new resources that will help in the future. If you are interesting to yourself, then you will become attractive to others. Be sure to look at the article about self-love.
Creation
Creativity helps to express something that cannot be expressed in the usual way. Especially when it is not clear what to do with some feelings and thoughts. Take, for example, a sheet of paper and paint, let your hand make strokes without turning on your consciousness, that is, do not evaluate the quality of the drawing, do not worry that you do not have artistic abilities.
What you need at the moment is not beauty and correctness of lines, you need to let your feelings out, onto paper, even if you don’t understand what’s going on inside you. Allow yourself to be free, and, paradoxically, then you will experience satiety.
Work on your self-esteem
Nothing hits her as hard as the realization that you are lonely, and therefore clumsy in some ways, uninteresting, undeveloped and not good enough to meet someone with whom you can feel closeness, with whom a feeling of calm will arise and finally, harmony will come.
In fact, these are illusions that if you become more beautiful and smarter, then others will notice, appreciate and loneliness will recede. If your self-esteem has suffered even a little, then it is necessary to restore it, use the recommendations from the article about self-confidence.
Is loneliness this feeling?
If you are overtaken by a state of emptiness and uselessness, loneliness in the presence of other people, when, in fact, you are not physically alone, but in your experiences you are directly isolated from those around you, then before you get upset that no one needs you and so on, think about whether you are interesting or not. do you like the company you are with at the moment? And in general, is this what you want right now?
Maybe you dreamed of lying in bed and watching an interesting film, but you weren’t allowed to do it because you were invited to visit? Or are their interests really too different, which is why you don’t even want to talk? What if you’re just scared that you’ll be rejected, so you don’t try to talk to someone?
You move between couples and groups, expecting that they will pay attention and just break through the wall of experiences that have “covered” you. To have an unobtrusive and fun time while talking, but until this happens, do you experience, along with anxiety, a feeling of being useless?
In this case, learn to take care of yourself and make the first move as soon as you recognize interest in someone. Admit it by saying, for example: “I’m afraid to meet people,” and immediately take action. It’s scary only at first, but once you take the risk and speak up, anxiety and excitement recede, ceasing to “paralyze” and limit.
Excessive requirements
Sometimes isolation from others arises because a person has too high demands; he expects a downright mythical creature that never comes into his life. Describe the qualities that someone you let into your life should have, and think, in principle, is it really possible for such a character to exist somewhere in this world?
And if so, then the next task may not be too pleasant - think, what are you so good at that he, so perfect, would want to be around? And after all, look back in your mind, maybe you just don’t notice that there is already someone in your life who appreciates you, and with whom you can share your sorrows, sorrows and joys? Who will hear, understand and support, no matter what, just doesn’t match some of the characteristics you came up with?
Envy
In the article about envy, we learned that, in fact, envy is a marker that helps to understand what I want. So, if you want a relationship because your neighbors, godmothers, or anyone else seems so happy in a couple, then don’t forget that someone else’s family, like the soul, is in the dark, and you are aware of a lot of things going on with them in private you may not know.
And also that loneliness is a subjective feeling and “covers” regardless of whether you have a partner or not. So, throw away your fantasies on the topic: “If only…” and use the recommendations described in the article about envy.
Depression
If you have thoughts that, for example, “I’m going crazy” or “I can’t do this anymore,” seek help from someone so as not to bring yourself to a state of depression. If you don't let your emotions out, they will destroy your body. So try to talk to at least someone, go in for sports to lose energy, and look at the article “How to find a way out of depression yourself: the most effective methods.”
Loneliness in marriage
“Finally, I won’t feel lonely anymore,” you think before you get married, and then you realize that you were wrong. Why is this happening?
Many wives feel lonely with their husbands. Moreover, in marriage this feeling is felt much more acutely.
What can trigger loneliness:
- My husband's work.
- Wife's work.
- My husband's new hobbies.
- Birth of a child, etc.
All this distracts partners from family life, as if they are not participating in it. The wife or husband is no longer so attentive to each other. You begin to feel like you are more neighbors than spouses. How to save the situation?
- Don't be afraid to open up to your partner. Talk to him. Tell us about your experiences. Perhaps some of you didn't even know about them. Talk calmly, listen to each other, do not interrupt the speech and respect the interlocutor. The main thing is to talk about feelings without accusations.
- Remember what united you before. Try to renew it. If you're both movie fans but have stopped going to the movies because of the birth of your child, ask your mom to look after her grandson. Take one evening and spend it together. Watch a movie, remember what you loved.
- If your partner has new hobbies, don't shy away from them. Try to separate them. This way you will have common themes.
- Remember family traditions or start new ones. Nothing brings a family together like a hike, a picnic, going out to a restaurant together or a trip to the sea.
Look down on loneliness
The mere fact that no one is around doesn't mean anything. The problem is the feeling of loneliness, which appears under different masks. It can be hidden behind sadness, apathy, indifference, fatigue, depression. It's tangible. It's real. It won't go away that easily. How to defeat him?
Understand that this is normal. Accept your loneliness and move on with your life. There is no escape from the feeling of loneliness. It is a fact. Everyone I talked to while working on the book touched on the topic of loneliness. Everyone experiences this feeling: some to a greater extent, some to a lesser extent. It's like you're driving through hilly terrain and occasionally descending into dark valleys. This feeling is expected. The main thing is not to linger in the lowlands, do not set up camp there.
You can fight the oncoming feeling of loneliness with moral and physical means. The first ones are much more important. You can, of course, physically surround yourself with people, but your sense of self has nothing to do with them. This is an internal attitude. There is no hiding from him; you will only run away from yourself. So accept it, come to terms with it and move on with it.
Accept that loneliness, like happiness, sadness, death, birth, love and delight, is an integral part of being human.
Resign yourself and move on with your life.
The benefits and dangers of loneliness
Solitude can be incredibly beneficial, but if used poorly, it can also be dangerous.
First, about the benefits. Many nature writers, from William Wordsworth and Henry David Thoreau to Annie Dillard and Mary Oliver, have said that solitude helped them connect with the world around them and experience bliss. Many artists argue that solitude is a necessary condition for creativity.
The artist Agnes Martin once said:
“When I paint, I turn my back on the world, because the best things in life happen in moments of solitude.”
Most world religions claim that solitude promotes spiritual development.
According to the Bible, Moses spent 40 days on Mount Sinai before receiving the Torah. During the Roman Empire, Simeon the Stylite lived for 37 years on an 18-meter pillar. In Hinduism and Buddhism there is a tradition of going into the forest, and in Christianity there is a tradition of seclusion. My favorite recluse is Juliana of Norwich, who retired from the world at the age of 30 to indulge in her visions.
Trappist monk Thomas Merton and psychologist Carl Gustav Jung noted that withdrawal from society allows us to rid ourselves of illusions. “I am alone,” Jung wrote, “because I know things that no one knows or wants to know.”
In Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Nietzsche wrote that solitude can save us from the bustle of everyday life (“Run, my friend, into your solitude! I see you are deafened by the noise <...> of people”) and help us find ourselves (“You want <…> go into solitude? Do you want to look for ways to yourself?").
But loneliness also poses dangers. Zarathustra says: “In solitude what each one brings into it grows, even the inner brute.” The inner beast can be anxiety, melancholy or grief. “Therefore,” continues Zarathustra, “I dissuade many from loneliness.”
“Nietzsche understood very well that solitude is dangerous,” says Fong. —For the unprepared, entering a dark cave of loneliness can be a scary experience. And for those who have psychological problems, it’s better to wait.”
Psychologists generally recommend proceeding with caution. If loneliness scares you, it is better to start with short periods of time and gradually increase the “dose”.
If you are experiencing a panic attack, now is not the time to learn a new skill; It's better to calm down a little first. Your five senses will help you do this (it is no coincidence that so many people have recently started baking sourdough bread and growing herbs).
Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, it was gradually no longer possible to prepare for loneliness. Quarantine fell on our heads suddenly. But even in such conditions, progress can be made.
Fear of a serious relationship
A woman who is afraid of close relationships may not fully realize this. By its nature, it is rooted deep in the subconscious. Most often, it is formed in childhood, when the girl’s environment speaks unflatteringly about members of the opposite sex. If from an early age a girl hears that men cause nothing but problems, that they are all deceivers, and other angry statements, then this forms in her a subconscious fear of the opposite sex and serious relationships.
Fear of close relationships also develops after a tragic separation, betrayal or betrayal. A woman, faced with meanness, subconsciously expects it from other men and cannot build harmonious relationships.
A lady who has asked the question: “Why am I lonely?” needs not to look for mystical reasons and not engage in self-flagellation, but to realize her fears and work through them.
Complexes and low self-esteem
Many outwardly attractive, intelligent women suffer from loneliness. Their main problem is low self-esteem. Uncertainty increases anxiety when communicating with the opposite sex and repels men.
Believing that every person is unique and worthy of love and happiness is the beginning of the solution.
If a single woman stops feeling sorry for herself and looking for her own shortcomings, and instead accepts herself, then those around her will also notice her strengths.
Using loneliness as an opportunity to understand yourself and develop your personality strengths is much more effective than mourning your unfortunate fate. A diary in which you can record your successes and thank yourself will help with this.
Idealization of family life and gender stereotypes
Dreams of a strong, handsome, smart, generous, in general, ideal man lead to loneliness. If you get hung up on searching for a “prince” that does not exist in nature, there is a high chance of remaining without a partner for the rest of your life.
For a woman who finds herself a victim of stereotypes and fantasies, it is better to accept the fact that ideal people do not exist.
So what to do if you're lonely? Understand that everyone has flaws. This does not mean you have to put up with disrespect, rudeness, physical or psychological abuse. The balance between the pros and cons of a partner is important.
A woman aiming for a worthy partner should not forget about self-improvement and developing her strengths.
